to meet up with a male friend......

[jennybensmummy]

i havent seen this friend in about 6 years but weve been chattingloads on facebook. i have feelings for him i think that i wont know until we meet up if i do or not and he says the same. only issue is i live with my partner (not bens dad so if we were to split that wouldnt be an issue). This friend has said he feels something but not quite sure what either, though agrees feels more than friends, but as weve not seen each other in years so much has changed since then, we had no feelings like this then but were totally different people, its only by chatting all the time on facebook weve got to know each other again. My and my partner have been going wrong for a while now and i think one major reason i keep going back to him is stability, im a really insecure person! So.... if i met with this bloke purely as friends and then afterwards felt something for him i would end it with my partner, though if im mistaken and just getting a bit of attention is making me feel like that but when i meet him again there is no butterflies i wont. does that make sense?? so would i be wrong to meet him without telling my other half - who rarely talks to me anymore anyway!! or is meeting him while i have feelings like this, or think i do, practically cheating?? My other half isnt very sociable and disappears off if i have a friend over so doubt he would want me to invite any friend over when he is in (hed be at work when this friend comes over) and if i asked a friend - male or female, to come around at the weekend he would probably think it was quite odd!! Im in a right pickle arent i!!!

If you're that unhappy with your partner that you would consider leaving him if you have feelings for the other person then you should just leave him anyway. I understand it would feel more secure if you felt you had a new relationship to start working on, but I really think you'd be better off having some time alone and working out what you really want from a relationship, without banking on your old friend being the solution. Good luck though - it's horrible feeling stuck in a relationship which isn't working.

i have tried to end it before but we end up shouting and shouting and then making up as can never work out the finances etc etc and somehow both get sick of shouting and make up!! i know i should end it but i just dont know whether i just need him to try a bit harder, he says he will all the time and never does, im hating being stuck in this relationshio when itsa not working, but when it is working its great, though thats not very often!!

what a mess eh!

I think what ever the out come of this meeting you need to think about moving on from your partner as this relationship sounds most unfair to everyone in it.

I think it's pretty clear you don't want to be in your current relationship.

Take it one step at a time, and finish it properly. Then once you have sorted out all that (including finances and so on) you'll be free to do whatever you want.

Bringing another man into the equation now is silly, risky and could make things much much more complicated and nastier than they need to be iyswim.

You owe it to them both and yourself not to do that. Meeting the other bloke, finding you don't want to be with him, then staying with your partner because you are scared to be alone is quite ridiculous.

just going to be a nightmare split up as all finances etc in my name, he hasnt even got a bank account!! we live together and his family live 70 miles away so he would have to leafe his job and work notice etc. im just not sure whether to meet up with the friend and then decide what plan to take, then would be a easier split as could take it slower in sorting things out and id know what to do oh i just dont know anymore, part of me thinks am i just unhappy with dp and need to sort things out with him, but part of me thinks i have tried that again and again and getting nowhere!! I was already thinking should i talk to him about trying harder together (again!!) before i realised that my feelings for this friend were more than just friends.. and now talking to the friend and finding he kind of thinks he may feel the same has just complicated matters, why didnt i just sort out my relationship first one way or the other!!

Do you think you've got feelings for this friend now because he's paying you attention (and probably compliments?) whereas, I imagine, your partner isn't?

Personally I'd try and sort things out with your partner before meeting your friend. I think it's pretty obvious what you're expecting to happen if you do meet up

were definately just meeting as friends somewhere like a cafe for a coffee so no worries about things happening, i think part of it is that he is being so lovely to me but part of it is just something i cant put my finger on, all the negatives mypartner has always had are this friends positives!!! not things he could lie about, things i know iykwim. the friend is devoted to his daughter from a previous relationship and has her half the week with him, my partner is not at all bothered about seeing his daughter with ex! and that irritates me as im such a family person!thats notonly thing but best example i could think of!!

What do you own jointly? Is there a lot to sort out? I don't understand why he would have to leave his job if you did split up. Why could he not rent/house share somewhere near his job? It sounds like you don't particularly want to be in your current relationship and would rather like the 'excuse' of meeting someone else to spur you into finishing it.

Sorry but I think it's wrong to meet your friend while you are obviously in a vunerable position. Even if you split up with your partner, there's no guarantee it would work with your friend, but I think you are almost loking for your friend to be the answer to all your problems before you've even met him. That's a hell of a lot of pressure on him, and on any possibility of a relationship, and your desperation to get out of your current relationship make make you blind to any potential pitfalls with your friend.

Sort out your current realationship, keep Facebooking your friend, but only meet him when you know you are a free agent and able to do so.

You do not need to be in a relationship and it is so unfair to stay with your current partner only until something better comes along.

I agree with.....everyone.

End this relationship, be a grown up, sort out the finances and learn how to be on your own with your son. Then and only then meet up with this new man.

I also think this new man might well be terrified if he knows you see him as a long term proposition and are already considering leaving your partner for him.