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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a little bit on the upset side with my parents.

15 replies

Quadrophenia · 27/01/2009 19:31

ok so history...have rceently split with xp and afther of my four kids, few weeks back really started to struggle...felt like I had a bit of a breakdown really. mum and dad keep saying they are there for me but never offer any help but then get the hump if i ask my friends. So I asked them last week if they would take my twins aged 8 to an appt in the next town, it wasn';t overly impiortant so it was a 'would you like' rather than a 'I'm really desperate for you to'. Anyway come home today from shift at work, have just worked 15 hours in the last 24 so completely shattered. Parents turn up with my babay nephew, can i look after him whilst they take my girls as sil has upset tummy. I was supposed to be going shopping as have been skint until today but had no pushchair or carseat so unable to take with. baby aged 8 months cried the whole time...i then cried can't cope at all, no food for my kids as really down to bare bones. no food or milk to feed baby as not provided and 2 hours of crying. I am upset that my parents don't recognise how hard things are for me at the moment and thus have put me under this pressure AIBU?

OP posts:

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 27/01/2009 19:32

No you are bloody NOT being unreasonable. They didn't think at all.

WinkyWinkola · 27/01/2009 19:33

Obviously not YANBU. Weird parents not to observe your stress and take nephew as well as your twins. In for a penny....

Weird all round.

ScummyMummy · 27/01/2009 19:34

grr at your dumbass parents, Sorry
today was so hard.

LynetteScavo · 27/01/2009 19:35

YANBU. Poor you.

Original poster

Quadrophenia · 27/01/2009 19:36

feel so uncharitabel after all tehy were helping me out but OMG I just couldn't cope. dad fphoned up and when i said he was crying my dad replied 'oh you are ina pickle'

OP posts:

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 27/01/2009 19:38

They weren't helping you out though were they? They swopped one thing for another and you had to deal with 2 hours of a baby yelling!

How is that helping you out?

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 27/01/2009 19:38

Oh and "you are in a pickle" sounds so patronising and dismissive.

Do they even really understand how you are feeling? Really understand?

LucyJones · 27/01/2009 19:39

well maybe they don't realise how difficult you are finding things?
maybe your sister (?) was also in a bit of a pickle with sick baby?
it's really hard to say if you are bu from the OP tbh!

Original poster

Quadrophenia · 27/01/2009 19:40

I know I feel so patronised and sad really have tried to explain how i feel

OP posts:

LucyJones · 27/01/2009 19:40

presumably they didn't know you wanted to go out? therefore they thiught they were helping by taking the twins out so you could stay in, albeit with ill nephew...

PlumBumMum · 27/01/2009 19:43

YANBU they were not helping you at all

Why don't you bring all your kids around to them for a 'visit' then say oh do you mind if I go do my shopping as I'm sticking to budget and want to concentrate, with a big smile
leave go do your shopping at supermarket with a cafe and I know your down to the bare bones but treat yourself to a coffee

thisisyesterday · 27/01/2009 19:44

I do think they are maybe not realising how hard this all is for you.

but, you could have said no! sometimes people need to hear straight out how bad it is.
if you are the kind of person (like me) who tends to put on a brave face then it's very hard for those around you to get a true picture of how much you're struggling.

the the "oh you are in a pickle" is exactly the kind of thing my mum or dad would say to me... but not in a patronising way, in a kind of reverting to childhood "oh my poor little baby" kind of way, if you get what I mean?

you have to be able to stand up for what you need and say no, when people are asking too much of you. and you have to be honest and tell people what you need...

compo · 27/01/2009 19:45

wow I think you are all being abit mean
they sound like they were stuck in the middle of wanting to help you ut but then your sister or SIL asked them to care for sick nephew
I think thye sound lovely to be honest, and maybe just don't understand what a time of it you are having?
sometimes you need to spell things out

noonki · 27/01/2009 20:01

I would tell them straight that you need some help and do they think they can give it to you.

When a friend of mine recently separated a good friend of hers organised a few playdates with us all for her kids to give her a break, any chance anyone can do that for you?

Do you have an holiday you can take even just one day to get yourself sorted (be it sleep/shopping?)

Is your XP around, can he help out more?

Sometimes people can find it hard to know how to help and you have to spell it out for them.

hope you start feeling better soon

LucyEllensmummy · 27/01/2009 20:21

YAtotallyNBU, they were thoughtless - but maybe that was just it, they didn't think? Have you been putting a brave face on things? If so they probably think you are coping really well - but it is OK to say, helpp, im struggling here. There is absolutely no mileage in mentioning today (although you must be a saint not to!) but you could maybe phone your mum and ask her if possibly they could have the girls o/n or just for a day so you can get a bit of headspace? It could be that they would fall over themselves to help if you would just ask - yes, i know, you shouldn't have to, but sometimes people need things spelling out to them.

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