To think that they might actually prefer us to decline their invitation....?

[Thankyouandgoodnight]

DH has a friend through work - a family of 4 with kids the same as ours (2 yr + a baby) and we have met up with them a few times (an hour's drive away). They are really lovely. DH invited them to our 2 year olds birthday party in a very casual way (without any discussion between us). Thankfully they didn't come due to 'illness'. It's a nightmare at this age because you in effect invite the whole family! Our house had 16 people in as it was and that was only inviting 3 of DD's 'friends' that she's known since they were new babies. Anyway - in an email to suggest another meetup in late Feb, they have mentioned that we are invited to their DSs 2nd birthday at the beginning of March. I am imagining that they have ther same difficulty that we had in terms of small house, need to invite the whole family of all the invitees plus their DS doesn't know our DD at all well and there are other friends that come higher up the list. He has just been made redundant too so DH said 'he can do with all the friends / kindness he can get right now' (which is true) BUT I don't believe that extends to this party invite....DH thinks we should go, I think we should politely decline to help them and their logistics. What do you think?

Can I reiterate that I would have loved them to come to DDs party if we had owned a bigger house....they really are smashing.

No I think that you should go.

Actually, if he's been made redundant I imagine he would really like to see some friendly adult faces. Do you know that they have other friends with children/relatives to invite? Just because you do doesn't mean they are in that situation.

I'd say you'll go, but do what you can to make sure you're not going to make things awkward for them. Don't stay overnight etc.

Me too - I think you should go, the more the merrier + don't worry about it

Tbh, they didn't have to invite you. If you decline, they might think that you were miffed that they didn't come to your dd's party and are therefore not prepared to go to theirs.

Why don't you call them and say that you'd love to come, but appreciate that they might have limited space. Leave it up to them.

I see where you are coming from - you think they might be feeling obliged to extend an invitation for the birthday party. But then again, they might not!
Could you make an alternative suggestion of meeting up separately another weekend when they may have less on their plate and you can spend time together properly? Then if they jump at that you can be fairly sure you are right!

I don't think others worry all that much about squeezing into a small house, I think YOU don't really want to go and are looking for a reasonable reason to sell to your dh.

FWIW when inviting people I tend to work out numbers of what I thin ould work before I send out invites, so imagine your friend thinks that her numbers will be fine, she may be (like me) a more the merrier type person......

And it sounds like your dh would like to go and offer some moral support for her dh (which is really lovely btw) sorry IMHO go they may really appreciate it.

Of course you should go. You are assuming a lot - maybe they live in a mansion. It sounds a bit patronising that you want to decline to 'help' them. Maybe they like having lots of people round, or maybe it's a v small party. Don't assume that everybody sees this as a nightmare just because you do.

ok fair enough
FWIW I would love to go - just having been through the political nightmare of parties and seen a couple of other friends go through the same thing, I was indeed projecting!