To expect DH to help in the mornings?

[ShamelessLil]

He's on lates, so doesn't have to leave until 9.15am.

He lays in bed doing sweet FA until about 8.45 and then starts moaning he's running late.

I get up with the baby at 6ish, feed him, feed DD, get them both washed and dressed, make lunchbox, get myself ready and usually put some washing on and do the washing up. All while he reclines in bed. Then he has the nerve to accuse me of moaning when he asks me what's wrong and I say I'm tired an can't go on. This morning he said it was unfair of the kids to wake me up! But HE manages to sleep through all the noise. WTF!!!

How can I get him to listen without him thinking I'm moaning (which I am) and having an argument about it?

BTW - I also work part time 3 evenings a week!

YABU to expect him to help.

He should be an adult and do it because he wants too.

Men will do as little as they can get away with and wives have a habit of being mother to the men in their lives too.

could you contract an invisible illness??????

if you were ill for a few days, like achey cant get out of bed etc etc, then would be get up instead on his own and maybe understand what you do

I know he'll do as little as possible, but if I let it go and he decided he's not adult enough to want to help, I'm still no nearer to a resoloution and I might as well resign mtself to the fact that he'll never get involved and I'll be doing it all my life.

and yes, dont call it helping

i have to say to my dh "do you want to put our dd to bed or do you want to cook our dinner

they are not just your kids and its not just your job

i work 3 days a week and have had to push for dh to do stuff but he has begun to undertsand its not just one persons job

if i had more than 1 i wouldnt and couldnt do it all alone

I think you should take it in turns tbh.

This morning my dp got up first, gave dd2 breakfast, de-iced the cars, put the wheelie bin out, ironed himself a shirt while I got myself ready and make the packed lunches.

What about writing him a letter?

Sitting down and talking to him about how upset and tired you are without shouting?

Use "I feel.........xxxxx" a lot

You could use a wooden spoon?

only resign yourself to doing it all if you really dont mind

if you need help, ask for it, jump up and down and demand it if necessary

maybe he is being dense and doesnt realise the stress you are under (like my dh I think) or maybe he damn right does realise and is being lazy

either way if he cares for you and his children then he will do his share - but you may have to be forcefull about it

oh and pick your battles

i put up with dh being a bit messy much better now that he collects dd from nursery puts her to bed, lets me have lay ins

decide what is really important and dont worry too much about who does the rest

Shameles Lil -Im not being nasty but do you work?

I know you have 2 children 1 a baby but really most mums do get up with the children give them brekkie and get them dressed and washing etc - I dont see why you are so tired and it cant go on (unless you have pnd or something else)being fair your dh does do a full shift.

The way I see it is tht if you are a sahm the bulk of childcare and housework falls on you,unless you are lucky enough to have a dh that just does it.

If your dh doesnt do it -no amount of nagging will make him do it with a smile on his face.

Stop being cross about it, stop moaning at him about it. Ime (big generalisation coming) most people, but especially men do as little as they can, and if someone is running round doing it for them, hey, why not. then it's only a small leap to totally taking the piss like your dh is doing.

So, don't complain or moan. Just matter of fact, we need to do X in the morning. So we need to be up at X o'clock. I'll do A while you do B.

Just tell it matter of fact and put an assertive positive proposition. Gets further than complaints, although if I wer you, I would be moaning like hell

Nickschick, yes I do work actually, 3 supermarket shifts a week from 5pm to 10pm. So am I still being unreasonable?

The OP did say she works 3 evenings - don't know what hours DH does. As previous posts have said, you have to decide objectively what's worth making a fuss over. And if he'sgoing to be grumpy with them, would you really want him with your DCs in the morning?could youmake a deal so that, say, he cooks and babysits one night or afternoon at weekends so you can have some time to re-charge.

Shameless lil i didnt mean to sound nasty i said that at the start,I do understand your point but I know in our house the bulk would still fall on me (partly cos i let it partly cos i cant stand things being done with bad grace)even tho im a sahm now when all my children were babies I worked.....at first 18 hours a week v early morning so I was home before dh and ds woke....then it was 30 hours a week in a supermarket evenings as well as day time relief nursery nursing taking ds with me 2-3 dys week.....then with ds3 i managed a small hotel mostly nights but sometimes over 40 hours a week and still the children and the house were my dept.

I dunno if you are being unreasonble it would depend on your dhs job and shift hours .

If I were you I would start small and get him doing things that will make a big difference to you (not sure what this would be but for me it would definitely be a lie-in at the weekend or unloading the dishwasher) and just carry on until it is normal for him to be doing what you feel is reasonable.

Just to give you an idea I have a 5 month old so am up in the night so my dh gets showered at 6.30 and gets my 2 ds's breakfast, unloads the dishwasher, washes the breastpump and any bottles and gets the boys ready while I get up at 7.15 to shower and then get myself ready then tidy up. He leaves for work at 7.45 by that time everyone is ready for school except for the baby who I feed then we leave. It is very relaxed. I think the key is finding the way of doing it where everyone is happy.

Would a non-confrontational "I'm finding it very hard to work late, then get up early with the baby, would you be able to get up with the DC on the mornings after I do my late shifts?" work.

As PPs have said though, it kind of depends what hours he works. DH thought that all the nightwaking plus getting up early was my job although I worked 20 hours a week, because HE worked full time plus 4 hours commute.

Oh and if you do persuade him to get up early be prepared for that being all he does (no getting the DC ready, washing up etc), but that's your decision to see if that's the pay off.

He lets you have a lie in?