to feel cross with my friend?

[stellsie]

Basic background - over Christmas me, DH and the kids went out for lunch with 3 other friends (mums are my DS school), their DHs and kids. Anyway, the service was really bad and it ended up my DH complained (quietly!) and was given some vouchers to spend at the restaurant another time. We could have kept the vouchers to ourselves (beginning to wish we had! ) but DH came to the table and told the others so they were all pleased. Me and the mums chatted the other day and decided we would use the vouchers for a girls night out (more like a middle-aged night out!), my DH was fine with this so it was just left to decide on a night to go. Today one of the mum's said "so when are we going then?" so we agreed a date, and the mum said "oh and i've asked -- and she can make it, and my mum's invited herself along too". Am I being incredibly mean to think she's taking the .... a bit by inviting 2 more along to take advantage of the vouchers?

I dont think I will end up saying anything - this friend/mum enjoys being the 'organiser' or maybe that should be controller, I just wonder if the other mums are thinking the same as me?? I suppose I am just going to accept that it will end up costing us all more as obviously the vouchers wont spread as far!

Oh just remembered - the mum also said "oh and I won't drink (alcohol) so it won't be very expensive will it" - is she suggesting we all don't drink alcohol?!!

(me and this mum have been friends for 2 years through the kids at school but you know when you start to learn more about people the longer you know them......well this isn't the only time this sort of thing has happened so I dont think I'm being unreasonable, but I'm sure someone will tell me I am!)

i dont think yabu. i would be cross too. but would not say anything probably.

YANBU I think theres always someone ready to take advantage and she will continue to do so if she keeps getting away with it

Can you not subtly ask the other mums what they think?

Bring 2 friends yourself. Await reaction!

good idea marmaduke.

i would go with that

mind you i was stunned a few months ago when i had for vouchers for someplace.

i went with my 2 dd's and invited a friend with her 4 dc.

when the bill arrived it was £2 over the voucher value and my friend put in her share of £1 and left me to put in the other £1, even though 5 of her family had a free feed out of it (as did myself and my dd's i suppose)

i was a bit taken aback as if it had been the other way around i would have paid the £2 without question.

Ah marmaduke got there before me

hope the vouchers split 4 ways

Stellsie, are you sure she's not assuming that you will split the bill and you will pay your share with the vouchers, and the others pay in cash? That's what I thought when I read your post.

It's probably worth asking rather than making assumptions. And I wouldn't be shy about asking directly, before the event, just so you're clear.

Thanks for the replies, and what a great idea about giving the vouchers out now! But.........it won't split four ways, there are 6 £10 vouchers! I cant really say anything to the other 2 mums - 1 is (just recently) incredibly stuck to the mum in question like glue, and would no doubt stir whatever I said - and the other mum never seems to be on her own, and her DD and mum in question's DD are very close, so would no doubt discuss what I might say. The extra mum she has invited is a friend of mine too, I really enjoy her company and she always comes out on our other nights out, it's just that her and her family werent around over Christmas so that's why I think the mum has invited her - because she always comes. I wont dare tell my DH !!! As I said there have been other times things similar have happened, and it really makes him so I was just going to say on the night, "oh you wont believe this, but ....... brought along ...................." !!

Brilliant - bring 2 friends of my own - i suppose i could invite 2 other mums, that way the vouchers would at least benefit my other friends too!!

And yes, I will definitely be having a 'drink'!! (maybe I should accidentally leave the vouchers at home!!)

Please keep us posted!

just read your post stinkymonkey - and mum in question most definitely does NOT think we will be splitting the bill and me paying my share with the vouchers - she said today "so we will all have £10 each off our bill" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cheeky cow!!!

She's got some brass neck. I kind of like people like that, makes the rest of us look better. So she's seeing the vouchers as a communal benefit - are you going to put her straight? Or can you just suck it up and concentrate on having a good night out?

D'you know, I dont know if I can - well obviously I can have a good night out but you know when things 'fester' and you think it's probably best to say how you feel, but then again it's a little group of us, and if I 'create a problem' then it will probably break the group (god I'm making us sound like 8 year olds!!) so is it worth it? I dont know what to do really, I know I will end up telling DH and he will say "this is what you've got to do" or "you should say" !!! AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I thought I should just add, in case it wasnt clear that if it had just been me and the 3 mums who were at the original meal, then I wouldnt have a problem at all! I would be happy to split the vouchers £15 each! But she has thrown the spanner in the works by inviting her mum and the other friend.....

Why don't you just give her a £10 voucher and five pound incash and tell her that her share of the vouchers and give the same to the other mums then she can not complain.

I think you should take 4 vouchers, one for each of the people present at the time and keep the other two for yourself/the group at a later date, just to make it clear (without saying anything explicitly) that she's not giving two randomers a free meal without consulting you first!

On the other hand, maybe if the other mum always comes, she couldn't not invite her once she had let it slip? Why not just say, Look things are tight, so I was going to give all of us £15 in vouchers, do x and your mum know that?

its a bit cheeky , but.. icouldnt be bothered to tip the boat for this ask dh seeing as he got the vouchers and why not reserve the 60.00 for the drinks bill and all pay your own food?

Perhaps other mum sees it a completely different way. Perhaps you rarely go out together so she is seeing it as an opportunity for her friend to develop a social life and hasn't thought about the voucher implication. Odd that she would invite her mother though.

Lizziemun's suggestion is brilliant. I would definitely do this - added advantage is that it's done before the night itself then too. Stroppy's suggested script is also a good idea. I would not let this go; the other friend coming is one thing but the mother coming indicates a clear intent to freeload to me. I wouldn't want to put it towards drinks either as I am a lightweight drinker and always lose out with that kind of setup, as do people who're driving.

OP YANBU - she is being rude. I personally wouldn't invite anyone else along without asking first - vouchers or not (unless you know all the friends really well and know they wouldn't mind) and if I did I wouldn't expect the vouchers to be split with the people I'd brought (but I'd share 'my' share of them with them, buy drinks or something.

On the other hand if it were the other way around ie someone else did it (as she has done) it would depend if I a) like her b) like the people she has brought along! LOL but that's just me I'd be 'Yeah great' if they were nice and 'WTF made her think she could do that' if they weren't!! Also, I think, it depends on your finances what your reaction would be - lets say this works out as a 10p difference your reaction would be different than if it was a £1000 difference, even though the action would be the same IYSWIM - so depends if the value of the vouchers is a little bit of money to you now or quite a bit.

Not much help and even though I probably wouldn't mind much - still don't think YABU

LOL I am sure someone else will say the same thing in about 2 sentences!! PMSL

YANBU - please don't let this rude and cheap behavior go. You have to dole out the vouchers to your mates beforehand, even if you do so with £5 cash then at least that gives them their share..you simply can't let her get away with this.