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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse DS more food?

35 replies

Frasersmum123 · 26/01/2009 10:25

When he doesnt eat his dinner?

DS is 8 and never finishes his dinner, but an hour later he is starving. Last night I did Bangers and Mash, with Broccoli, Sweetcorn and Peas. He ate his sausage and broccoli, and half his mash but left all the rest, then an hour later he was starving. I said he wasnt allowed anymore food as he hadnt finised his dinner, but DH said I was being mean and made him a sandwich.

Now my reasons for refusing are two fold. 1) He wont eat his food if he gets something on offer and 2) Money is tight and so I cant really afford wastage and them him eating extra food - I wouldnt mind if he ate his dinner and was still hungry.

So AIBU?

OP posts:

madwomanintheattic · 26/01/2009 10:26

yanbu

get a lcok on yer fridge so dh can't be 'helpful'

at least he gave him a sandwich and not crisps or sweets i suppose...

SlartyBartFast · 26/01/2009 10:27

no of course you are not being unreasonable.
does he not like mash?
does he never eat it?

i spose a sandwhich wasnt so bad, mine would be after crisps, which is a big no no.

it is better that he is offered somethign plain if he leaves his mash rather than a pudding.

savoycabbage · 26/01/2009 10:27

Not even slightly!

I don't feed either of mine (2 and 5) between meals. If they say they are hungry I say 'well your in luck because we are having dinner in two and a half hours and it's......'

girlandboy · 26/01/2009 10:29

I will watch this with interest because my 8 year old ds does the same! And I'm never sure what to do for the best.

I've tried it both ways, and he still does it. The "not giving in" for more food doesn't seem to produce a child who thinks "oh, I'd better eat all my dinner else I won't get anything else". On these occasions he goes to bed hungry, but doesn't really seem to care.

Hmmm, what to do??

Hawkmoth · 26/01/2009 10:29

YANBU

Save the plate and warm it up if he hasn't destroyed the food!

I have serious words with mine and the DSCs when they start leaving food. They have to eat enough to get pudding, and they have to realise they won't get anything else until the next meal either (except fruit).

Doesn't always work though! I look at DD's (3) food intake over a week and so don't stress if she doesn't eat for two days, as is her wont.

SlartyBartFast · 26/01/2009 10:30

i think fruit is a good answer, and if they wont eat that, zilch...

ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 26/01/2009 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Nekabu · 26/01/2009 10:34

I'm with Hawkmoth & TPHW, save the dinner that he leaves and give him the rest of that later if he's hungry. He'll then also know that that's what he's getting, there isn't a 'more attractive' alternative coming along later if he holds out.

Sidge · 26/01/2009 10:46

Are you giving him too much?

Most people overestimate how much food children need then get cross when they leave half of it. A child's stomach is only the size of their clenched fist so it doesn't take much to fill it up, but then will empty more quickly than an adults hence why children seem to eat constantly.

I would maybe give him less of everything but then insist he eats it all (unless it's something he really doesn't like) and then if he is hungry again an hour later let him have some crackers or a yoghurt.

Alibear1 · 26/01/2009 10:56

My parents used to put our dinner we didn't eat in the fridge and if we decided we were hunry later then it would come out again. The phase didn't last long because the dinner was nicer first time around and we knew there wasn't anything better coming along!

GooseyLoosey · 26/01/2009 10:58

Agree with Hawkmoth - save the food and you can warm it up for him if he is still hungry. A one off sandwich is fine (in my house it would be fruit) but if this is a regular occurence, then it wouldn't be on.

tittybangbang · 26/01/2009 11:58

I don't mind my kids going hungry every now and again. Teaches them to be grateful for not having to experience that feeling every day like many children in developing countries.

I have to remind myself not to hoover up their left-overs myself though..... something I used to berate myself about until I realised that it was an act of ecological and financial sanctity. Now I have no guilt.

nomoreamover · 26/01/2009 12:38

In my house clamours of "I'm hungry" are replied with "have some fruit". If they refuse the fruit - they aren't hungry - if they eat the fruit they probably were hungry but at least now they have had a nutritious snack.

Win win situation!

MumHadEnough · 26/01/2009 12:43

My son does this, but when he's hungry an hour later he gets the rest of his dinner. Then he's usually hungry again and gets fruit and/or a yoghurt. There's just no feeding him enough at the moment though .

I try not to make an issue out of it as I have some food issues myself, but this works for us. I just ask if he's full and if he is, then so be it. We don't do puddings in our house though, only on occasions.

mileniwmffalcon · 26/01/2009 12:46

ya-def-nbu we have meal times and snack times and that's when you eat, full stop. if all meal/snack has been eaten and they're still hungry then fruit only.

loobeylou · 26/01/2009 12:46

OP YANBU - too many kids try the emotional blackmail route to get something they find more palatable, but is more than likely not as nutricious as the dinner lovingly made for them.

Mine will only get fruit if they are still hungry after eating all their dinner unless there are special circumstances like we ate early and have been out in the evening to something, they might then get a slice of toast or a couple of crackers.

OrmIrian · 26/01/2009 12:49

I always used to give my children too much so they couldn't finish it - I don't think it's a good idea to force a child to finish everything on his plate if he genuinely isn't hungry. Now we put everything in dishes on the table for them to help themselves to what/how much they want. They have to eat some veg but if they serve themselves they can't then say that I or DH gave them too much.

Lilybeto · 26/01/2009 12:49

The family I AP for are have 4 children, one of the dds is 5. She drives me absolutely mad at dinner time. They have the stupid 'eat 5 more mouthfuls because you're 5 rule'. The thing is she knows if she doesn't eat anything for ages and then sits there saying 'I'm not hungry, I don't like this' etc her mum will then say 'okay have 5 mouthfuls' and then you can have pudding. So from a whole dinner she eats 5 teeny tiny mouthfuls and then eats a giant piece of cake, some fruit, some bread etc because she's hungry. AAgghh!
My rule is, if you don't eat it there is nothing else. If you are still hungry then you can have what you left earlier.

purpleduck · 26/01/2009 13:07

My 7yo does that.
If she has been given something for dinner that she really is not keen on, then I will give her a heathy snack after. If we have something she liked, then I don't give her anything unless she did eat well, and is just genuinely hungry after.

We fell into a trap of "making a pile" that she had to eat, then she started asking for a "pile" straightaway.

mamas12 · 26/01/2009 13:15

YANBU you are in charge. His health will be affected by not eating your lovely dinner.You are doing the right thing for the long term, he is only thinking shortterm gratification.
Try slightly smaller portions and stick to your guns.

izyboy · 26/01/2009 13:19

This 'STARVING' business makes me laugh. I always say 'ok - we have plenty of xyz from tea left let me heat it up for you' (even when we dont) strangely DS is never that 'starving'....

horsemadgal · 26/01/2009 13:20

I'm softy mummy so I'd let him have the sandwich.
Maybe smaller portions, little and often is usually best in my books.

fluffyanimal · 26/01/2009 13:22

It depends why he is not eating all his dinner.

If he has too much, YABU. Give him less, and expect that a child will want to eat less and more often than an adult, as Sidge says, and let him have a healthy snack.

If he genuinely doesn't like it, YABU. Give him mostly stuff he likes but with a tiny bit of the other so that he keeps being exposed to it, and let him have healthy snack later.

If he's refusing to eat it because he'd rather have crisps and chocolate, YANBU and don't budge an inch.

Sidge · 26/01/2009 13:30

I don't understand why, if a child is genuinely hungry an hour after finishing a healthy main meal, you would restrict food.

Dillydaydreamer · 26/01/2009 13:36

No not at all! Thats my approach for the same reasons Absolute tosh that he will starve until breakfast. As long as you make it clear that he can leave it but there is nothing else until breakfast or gets his dinner microwaved. He will learn. Tell your dh to microwave his dinner, not make anything else. He will learn!
Its not like at 8yo they have a tiny stomach FGS!

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