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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say no to DS

6 replies

BleedinHeart · 24/01/2009 20:25

My son is 13 and has always been a good, sensible kid. From the minute he started school he kept his head down, did his work, was always very hard to lead, had few friends but didn't seem to mind iyswim? he was a proper teachers pet.

Anyway our choices for secondary school were limited between our local school which was a complete no no as all the kids down our street where going there and they already used to give him a hard time if they saw him and I often saw the state of the kids walking home from the school, the vast, VAST majority looked like thugs, hoods up, cigerettes sticking out of mouths, tracksuit bottoms instead of the uniform etc

But the other school was almost as bad, in special measures, bad exam results, bad reputation but once we had a look around, I certainly felt it had a much better atmosphere than the other one and the kids didn't seem as feral so he went there.

Anyway things have been good, he's now 13 and is doing well at the school. Achieving all of his expectations, in all top sets and no bullying or anything.

However we had an open night last week and I was told that DS is starting to slip. He has begun chattering to other kids rather than doing his work, on occasion he has joined in with disrupting the class (very unlike him) and has started not completing homework.

A couple of weeks ago he went out into town with a few of the lads from school and they were apparantly chased by security out of our main shopping centre. I asked why and he said they were just "hanging around" and one of the lads mouthed off to the security guard when he told them to move. He seemed to find it funny though and that is so not like him

Last Saturday he went to a football match with his mates and ended up right in the heart of a 'football hooligan style brawl', I know because my uncle was at the match and said DS and friends were hurling abuse at away fans who had already began to riot with home fans.

This morning he told me he was off into town with mates again. I said no. I just don't want my son going down this slippery slope, not when he's been doing so well and has been such a good kid all these years. I know they change as teens but I just can't "let him go" when I can see the path he is being lead down.

He told me his mate is having a birthday party next Friday night at his house. The kid in question has been excluded from school for a week and his parents didn't think it was a big deal.

I have said no.

He is now slamming doors, crying, screaming that I am ruining his life, trying to stop him having friends, treating him like a baby etc.

Am I being too over-protective?

OP posts:
mrsmaidamess · 24/01/2009 20:31

Oh dear. Teenagers.

He has to prove to you that he is trustworthy and can make the right choices, even if those around him are not.

Can you have a talk with him about that, and use it as a possible negotiation point for him going to the party? Tell him how worried you are about what seems to be happening.

hannahsaunt · 24/01/2009 20:32

No. My parents were willing chauffeurs throughout my teenage (in fact all) my years taking me and my brother to 101 extra curricular activities to keep us stimulated, occupied and thus out of trouble. Hanging around street corners wasn't an option and I had a fabulous social life. Get him in with things like Scouts, a full-on sport, a musical instrument and associated clubs like orchestras etc.

MrsWeasley · 24/01/2009 20:33

I have the same thing from my DD (same age) you have to do what you feel is right. I tell my DD that it is my job to keep her safe etc but I do let her go out this friends but not everytime she asks IFSWIM. If her friends dont behave (like texting a man they met on the internet!) she looses some of her freedom until she can prove she is trustworthy and aware of the dangers.

Some parents do seem to let their 13 yos do whatever they like for an easy life or because they dont really know what their children are getting up to.

AnyFucker · 24/01/2009 20:34

will watch replies with interest

am going through simlar issues with 13 yr old dd

sorry, no advice but I feel your pain !

duchesse · 24/01/2009 20:53

It sounds to me as though you're dealing with it very well. He may scream and shout, but he is actually probably pleased that you care enough to say no and enforce some proper rules on him (unlike some of his chums' parents by the sound of it).

alicet · 24/01/2009 22:42

fwiw my parents were always more strict with me than my friends parents were. Even though i was a 'good' girl.

It pissed me off at the time although we didn't fight about it. But now my parents really are 2 of my best friends and the relationship is far better than any other parents / children I know.

Not sure if that helps but wanted you to know that tough discipline / boundaries don't necessarily lead you child to grow up hating you even if it might feel like it at the time!

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