To think those who dislike playdates, just don't do playdates like they should be done

[theITgirl]

Most of my childrens playdates (7 & 4) are friends because I made friends with their mums 4 years age at the school gates. Luckily the second children are all about the same age or close enough to play nicely.

So everybody comes back to one house, the children play and we drink loads of wine gossip and generally relax. It is a lovely evening.

Mine have two types.

1. A couple of mums I met when ds1 was v small - me, friend and all kids. We sit and chat and intervene when necessary.
2. Friends of ds1 from school. Child comes back, plays with ds1 (meaning I don't see them), goes home.

What's not to like?

i'm happy for you ...i really am.

Yes, that's my kind of play date but only works with those within walking distance.

I've had playdates where dh's have had to be summoned to collect their dw and dc's because too much vino has been consumed

But then friends tell me about horrendous ones, or are happy for the child to come round for an hour or so but feel obliged to do tea, or other things.
None of which I do because I don't care what others think and make offers that I am happy with, not what I think are expected.

Or alternatively:
I live in a street with no road, all the kids play out from a young age (4 for my DD but next door's 2 year old will be out this year), bung them an ice pole each every so often and then you can have the wine without having to have any kids near you and you don't have to mnake small talk with other Mums

I had some playdates when dd1 was 1 year old, where mums were saying 'lets play something educational' and kept forcing poor babies to do stuff.

But yours sounds good. And involves wine

God, are the mums meant to stay?? And won't they be "moms" if it's a "playdate"?

Yes but kids tend to make friends with other people whose mums you either didn't get to know or don't gel with. Plus most mums I know like to drop the kids and run.

Tinker, but you make friends with the mums first & then encourage the children's friendship - believe me that is how the boys all started their friendship and they are known as 'the gang'

It's ok, I don't do schoolgates. One of the benefits of being a working mother

I have never heard of playdates and wine at the same time.

Are you upper class

No mums in walking distance I would want to drink wine with here.

I do both (without the wine). I think it is good to let DC choose their own friends too.

TIRIMISSU

I have been on playdates like this when DC were younger - other mum 'Lets make paper mache balloons or lets play shops' Me 'Er no, lets have a cup of tea and a chat'

I've got an awkward one. My DD2 loves a little girl from pre-school and keeps asking for her to come over. I would LOVE for the girl to have a playdate with my daughter. But the problem is the mother is a bit strange with me, i try to make conversation but she only replies with one liners.
And also her daughter is very clingy and won't go anywhere without her mother!
The mother has said that they are out most of the time so my daughter can't come over to their house.
But at least they get to play together at pre-school.

Yeah, dead posh, me

Ripeberry, how about meeting at the park?

"The mother has said that they are out most of the time so my daughter can't come over to their house."

ripeberry - that is odd, wonder what it is with her? I must admit I would'nt let me 4 year old (not at school) go on a playdate without me unless the knew the parents a bit.

From my point of view playdates never really worked until my two started school and found their own friends.

I used to meet up with a lot of mums while my dc's were pre-school age, through toddler groups etc, but my two never seemed comfortable playing with their children, (don't know why, they were perfectly nice mums + kids!) There was one little girl who spent the playdate in tears a couple of times, because my dd (quite shy at the time), wouldn't play with her! Didn't matter how much I apologised to the other mum, she was barely hiding her annoyance that her dd's afternoon had been ruined, (I quite understood by the way).

In the end I stopped doing "playdates", + just met people at todder groups, etc. My dc's were always fine on neutral ground.

Now they're having children back for tea all the time after school, + being invited out regularly. I can only think that they felt they had no say in who they played with before because they were (my friends' children), + it's different now that they've made their own friends, a big relief for me!!

We've been to parks with the kids and that is OK, maybe she does not want me to see her house? She has helped out at our pre-school a few times but sometimes does let everyone down without ringing first to say she can't do her duty on the rota.