AIBU to expect inlaws to help us out ?

[Mipsy]

Hi,
I am a new poster. This board was recommended by a friend.
My husband and I are not that well off and we desperately need double glazing. We have two young children and this winter has been very cold (we live in central Scotland).My husband asked his parents (who are very well off) for a loan and they refused. Our two children are their only grandchildren, they live 500 miles away and as my parents aren't around, we don't get much support.
AIBU to expect them to help us out?
Thanks for your replies in advance.
Mips

Thank you all for your thoughts.....I am glad I joined your board. I am off to pick up my son now. Will pop on later. Thanks again.

Sadly, yes, you are unreasonable to expect anyone to help you out. They don't have to. It would be nice if they wanted to, but it's their money and their choice. They don't have to give, lend or leave you anything in their will, and you have to accept that. I find people sometimes think that parents' money is actually their money (just waiting.....) but that's not true.

Like I say, it'd be great if they wanted to help, and it's not unreasonable to be disappointed that they don't want to - it's human to be disappointed. But again, yup, unreasonable to expect. ( or demand or feel you have a right... - Not that you said you felt that way, but some do!)

It is their money and they are free to spend it as they choose...
Why don't you get a loan from the bank? I wouldn't like to borrow from or loan to friends or family as I would be paranoid about every comment regarding weather, glass, heating etc.
But, as they seem to be quite well off, I would be tempted to "punish" them by not visiting quite so often.But that's the mood I'm in today, glad you are so mature about this. .

If you are currently selling your parent's house and will be coming into some money that way then surely you only have the rest of this winter to endure the cold.

By the time you get several quotes and start work the worst weather will be over so all in all, IMHO, you are making too much of their refusal to lend to you. You will probably have the house money to pay for the DG yourselves before next winter.

I would have thought that an accountant's salary would put you slightly above the "not well off" category.

glad you are glad you joined !

Hi, back again!
I think that I have been pushed into thinking we are 'hard done by' by my husband. I think I have been used to having parents who helped out, so to speak. Sadly, as I said in a previous post, my mum died recently and my dad is in care due to depression.
Also, sadly, as an accountant at our local council, my husband's salary is not great. He would love to look for a new job, with a higher salary, but not the time to be leaving a secure job, whatever the salary. When I return to work, after mat leave, things will look up. I suppose, being Scottish, I am hardy! it's just my southerner husband who suffers the cold!

as others said maybe they dont have that dispossible income -it is their money and they can do what they like with it!!

have you tried anglain?

we had them round last week for a quote for new door/windows and they loan rates were quite reasonable - costs was around £30 for 5 yaers, or you could pay more and have less time

if your house is really that cold maybe worth seeing what deals are about

and welcome btw x

It's their money so they can do what they like with it. I do think it's pretty mean of them though- no visits to the care home for them! My brother once asked my parents for a loan of $15000 and my father said no. I was shocked when I found out, I would have loant him the money, becasue I;m sure he would have repaid it, but it's surprising how often people don't feel obliged to repay loans when it isn't a formal arrangement. the reason my father gave was that they would never see the money again (and they absolutely aren't rich so I suppose he could have been right.) I'm surprised my mother allowed him to say no, though.

Am I the only one who think fucking hell how could you live in a million pound house knowing your child nevermind little grandchildren are cold ?
I just could not do it personally.
We are planning that when our first child needs to buy a house we will sell our big family home and split the proceeds by the number of children we have to give them a good start in life and there's no way I wouldn't/couldn't buy DG/CH or anything else my child/ren needs throughout their life.
Children aren't just for 18 years and then on their own.
The same people no doubt will be moaning when they are shoved in a nursing home, what goes around comes around.

Go and stay with them for the winter!!!

Do you have a stream at the bottom of your garden? with a little bridge going over it?

It does seem mad to me that your PIL are refusing to help you - it's not as if you want the money for a frivolous reason.

However, it seems from your posts that this feeling is eminating from your husband. If he feels they're being unreasonable, let him take it up with them.

I think you might actually be fortuante that they won't lend it. If they are being twitchy about lending £, better they are like it now and don't lend it, then lend it to you and become twitchy and awkward about repayments etc.

We borrowed some money from my in-laws to help with the deposit for our first house a couple of years back, as they upped the deposit requirement (long story - Aussie DH, didn't have indefinite leave to remain then, bank decided hig risk!)

After being happy to lend it and get monthly repayments, then insisted on us repaying it all within 3 months of moving in as they'd found a big shiny new house which took their fancy. So we had to get a bank loan, incur lots of interest and repay it back immediately. I'd NEVER borrow from relatives again!

So I guess the upshot of this rather rambling tale is that even if they did lend u £ they mite change their minds and you could be stuck with finding a bank loan or extending your mortgage.

sorry, hig should be big