Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to tick a child off about their behaviour

47 replies

motherlovebone · 23/01/2009 11:21

yesterday i witnessed another girl barge my daughter out of the way for no reason. this morning i saw her and said "i saw you push littlelovebone out of the way yesterday, dont push LLB, you would not like it if somebody was horrible to you" and she started crying...AIBU ?

OP posts:

ithinkimtallandblonde · 23/01/2009 12:35

Theres not much you can do just not let it happen again and if you feel there is an issue with bullying make an apt to see teacher to discuss it.

MrsMerryHenry · 23/01/2009 12:36

I don't think you're being unreasonable to have told the girl off, but as everyone has said already, (1) you should have done it at the time it happened; (2) you should have done it constructively and firmly but not in an aggressive way.

If you wait until the following day (and I can't imagine why you would) you should perhaps give a warning for future behaviour instead, e.g. "We're not going to have any more pushing today, are we? Because that is not the way we treat people".

If you're dealing with it at the time it happens I think you should make it clear that her behaviour is unacceptable and that she should give your daughter a hug and say sorry.

I'm all for other parents setting boundaries if my DS misbehaves and I've not seen it; however the time and the manner in which it's done is crucial.

claw3 · 23/01/2009 12:37

Perfectly reasonable, i would have head butted the little brat

plonker · 23/01/2009 13:16

Are you serious?

Ok, assuming this is for real - of course YABU. Why would you wait a whole day to tell off someone elses five year old? That seems very odd to me

The little girl had probably forgotten the whole incident by then!

Very strange reaction ...

NotADragonOfSoup · 23/01/2009 13:21

Your friends and mother won't tell you you were wrong. We will.

You made the little girl cry FFS! Obviously we can't tell the tone on the internet but imagining an adult saying that to a 5 yo I'm not surprised she cried. It does make you sound like a bully. You say something at the time or not at all.

NotADragonOfSoup · 23/01/2009 13:24

Your DD wasn't even hurt at all or traumatised by it.

TamartorousBeastie · 23/01/2009 13:28

"yesterday i witnessed another girl barge my daughter out of the way for no reason. "

"on the way to school this morning LLB piped up that X pushed her in the corridor yesterday, i asked did it hurt, she said no.

i spotted X's teacher and was going to mention it to her but she said she was too busy.

i saw X and ticked her off."

Which was it, you can't tell off a child for something you didn't see, the day after it supposidly happened.

What does it matter how spoilt she is, it doesn't justify you making her cry

TamartorousBeastie · 23/01/2009 13:30

"well, all my friends think IMU, and neither does my mum!"

Are they in the habit of upsetting other peoples children too?

MrAndMrsTwit · 23/01/2009 13:32

Some people are flipping NUTS.

You, Motherlovebone are one of them.

What on earth were you thinking????

As TB just pointed out, you are not even making sense to us now.

Imagine what little amount of sense you made to that poor 5yr old.

ForeverOptimistic · 23/01/2009 13:33

YAB very unreasonable!

I would have ticked her off at the time but to wait a whole day is very unfair. The 5 year old won't even remember what she did yesterday. If I had witnessed you telling her off I think I would be keeping my distance tbh!

traceybath · 23/01/2009 13:34

As to what to do now - avoid the other little girl's mother i would suggest.

I wouldn't be terribly impressed if another parent had made my child cry thats for sure and would definitely feel the need to address it with you and also probably the teacher if it happened in the classroom.

Pushing is of course not acceptable but hardly a crime worthy of making a child cry.

ForeverOptimistic · 23/01/2009 13:35

So you didn't even witness the incident! and again!

traceybath · 23/01/2009 13:36

Also teach your daughter to say - 'hey don't push its not kind' if another child does push her or failing that for her to tell the teacher.

Highlander · 23/01/2009 13:39

So you think the child is a spoilt brat, said child pushes your DD and you immediately see your chance to jump in and set her straight

Er no. The child is a product of her parents ineffectual parenting skills. Don't delude yourself by thinking that by humiliating her in public, you are going to transform her.

Tick off at the time, in a manner appropriate to the "crime". If you didn't actually witness the pushing, a lecture to both of them about acceptable behaviour will suffice.

Original poster

motherlovebone · 23/01/2009 13:50

oh dear, Beastie, my LO was walking away from me and didnt know i had seen anything, i just thought "tut tut" and got on with my day and forgot it.
this morn LLB told me X pushed her (which i already knew) it was obviously on her mind, when i saw X's teach (on the off chance) i thought i would mention it. X just happened to be there so i ticked her off.
nothing was planned, certainly didnt want to make anyone cry, just to realise she had been seen and to think twice.

OP posts:

plonker · 23/01/2009 13:52

"Er no. The child is a product of her parents ineffectual parenting skills. Don't delude yourself by thinking that by humiliating her in public, you are going to transform her."

I know I'm coming away from OP here a little bit, but Highlander, I have to ask, you know we're talking about 5 yo's, right?
This small child could have just been running to the toilet about to have an accident, and thats the reason OP's dd was 'barged' out of the way, for all we know.
Hardly "ineffectual parenting skills"

Dear Lord ...

AccioPinotGrigio · 23/01/2009 13:54

It sounds like you have a bit too much of an issue with this particular child. Does she transport you to your own childhood and school yard experiences? YOur response to this situation does seem more juvenile than adult.

MrsMerryHenry · 23/01/2009 13:56

MLB, I clearly missed the bit where you said you made the poor girl cry!

You now have treated this girl in an unacceptable way. So you need to redress this - to make her feel better, to make sure she's not scared of you, and to help her understand what behaviour is acceptable.

If I were you I'd find her mother alone and explain the situation. Tell her that you really didn't expect her DD to get so upset and that you're incredibly sorry for having made her cry and you'd like to apologise to her. Then both of you go to the girl, with both your DD, and you apologise to the girl for having made her cry but emphasise that she shouldn't push other children because it's not nice. Then the two girls should hug each other to show that they're still friends.

noonki · 23/01/2009 14:01

YABVU

along with all the comments above. Barging and pushing are very different.

My DS1 is a pusher (aged 3) he walks up to kids stops and pushes them . If I see him I tell him off and comfort other child.

But barging is different, it's thoughtless but not deliberate and even at the time it is doesn't need a ticking off just a reminder to look out for others.

claw3 · 23/01/2009 14:02

Oh and i hope you plan to fly kick the little brats mother in the playground today too

Heated · 23/01/2009 14:07

Helicopter parenting?

These are minor things that children need to learn to negotiate for themselves - and in fact, your dd would have - without your input.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 23/01/2009 14:14

I might have said something at the time if I had witnessed the incident, but definitely wouldn't have said anything the next day, tbh.

I did once tell 2 kids off in the queue for a slide at a fairground- the little boy of about 6 spat on the back of the little girl he was with (similar age) and was smirking. before I could stop myself I said "Ewww! That wasn't a very nice thing to do at all, was it?" Everyone in the line went silent, for what seemed like ages, and the little boy and girl slunk off. I felt really

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread