To refuse to visit PIL's, long sorry

[AnnoyedbyPIL]

Name changer here. I overheard a phone conversation between my DH and his parents which involved him asking them when they were going to visit us. A bit of history first, my PIL live over 100 miles away from us and when they visit we have no room for them to stay overnight so they would have to stay in a hotel, although they have visited us just for the day in the past before DS was born 6 months ago. They have only visited us once when DS was a week old and haven't been since it's always us going to them, which costs a bomb in fuel and we are not minted.
We have been to stay with them at their house 3 times for long weekends and for 5 days over Christmas, it is a pain in the ass cos we have to take loads of stuff for DS. When we were there over xmas MIL made a few comments to me about DS naptimes, he has 3 naps a day between his feeds cos he gets tired and really upset. She kept saying things like oh he isn't tired and when I told her I thought he was and he needed a nap she would say stuff like oh he may not settle cos he isn't tired, this really got on my tits BTW.
Anyway back to the phone conversation. I overheard DH asking them when they would be coming to see us cos we had been to see them lots. He then began describing DS nap routine to them and I got the impression that they have said to him they don't see the point in coming to see us cos DS naps too much and they won't see him. I haven't asked him about this yet. If this is the case am I wrong to be really annoyed by this especially when DH makes a big song and dance about how they don't see DS very often? I just feel like saying well if he isn't entertaining enough for them then they can feck off if they think I am dragging him down there cos he will be having his naps when is there too so they might as well not see him til he is 3 years old and won't be napping in the daytime anymore. I spoke to DH about his Mum's comments and he said oh it's just cos she doesn't see him very often and I should bite my tongue cos she would be really upset if I told her to butt out. I feel like she is questioning me and thinks I am wrong. When I do speak to DH about this would it be unreasonable of me to refuse to visit them until they come and visit us?

I think your dh wants your PIL to want to have a relationship with the baby, but your PIL are not that bothered. That is upsetting for your dh, and I would try not to make things more difficult for him.

I would continue to do whatever makes your dh happy. If he wants to go over there to see them, than keep going over to their house with the baby. When your baby is a toddler, send dh and child, but don't go if you don't want to. PIl's relationship with dh and child are important, but there is no reason for you to visit if it is a hassle.

I would not change your baby's routine to suit MIL; You would be making a rod for your own back; if she allowed to interfere now she will interfere forever more.

YANBU. In-laws = pain in the arse.

I don't think PIL should be treated the same as your parents either. It is up to you to make arrangements and maintain a relationship with your parents; it is up to your dh to make arrangements and maintain relationships with PIL. If your dh doesn't put as much effort in as you do, then that is his responsibility.

I agree with millyr, WRT your PIL being your DH's parents and his responsibility.

I have had this argument with my PIL and DH t an extent. My PIL expected me to arrange for DD and I to see them as me as my mum and dads come to see DD. This being while DH was working. DH can't be bothered with them (out of sight out of mind) why on earth should I. My mum helps when she comes round, she does not expect to be waited on hand and foot as my PIL.

I told them if they want more arrangements etc then it is DH's responsibility, I don't expect DH to make arrangements with my parents.