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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to visit MIL as I am so allergic to cats that it makes me ill?

25 replies

pleasechange · 23/01/2009 09:06

I've always been allergic to cats to some degree, but for whatever reason, since being pg and having DS, I'm so allergic to them that it's a nightmare to be anywhere near them

The last time we visited MIL (who has a cat that is always in the house), my eyes were streaming and stinging like mad, they were swollen and I was sneezing non-stop. I also developed a headache which lasted for 24 hours and so basically felt awful the whole time and all the next day. My headache was so bad that I was unable to get up the next day and function normally

AIBU to not want to go again, and to instead suggest that they come hear in future? I'm not really willing to take antihistamines as I'd prefer not to take unnecessary medicine and in any case I'm still bf and would rather avoid drugs

It would not help if she just kept the cat out while I'm there, as I've looked into this and apparently it's the sweat and saliva that causes the allergy, and these will be all over the house whether or not the cat is there at the time

OP posts:

AnguaVonUberwald · 23/01/2009 09:08

I think that while still breastfeeding you can't take anti-histamine, so YANBU, but once you have stopped breastfeeding, then YABU. Its not like its a dangerous drug. Its reasonable to take it to be able to visit your MIL, especially as there is nothing she can do about it - as you say putting the cat out wouldn't make any difference

ummadam · 23/01/2009 09:12

No YANU in my opinion if it makes you that unwell.. I have a similar problem and go red and blotchy with itchy eyes, skin and tight chest. My mum has a 'cat free' room in her house which we sleep in when we visit but I still struggle. She has started using something called 'petal cleanse' which goes on the cat not you. It will mean some work on your MILs behalf as it has to start two weeks before your visit so she would have to use it regularly but mums cats don't seem to mind and it has made a huge difference to me (although I was initially very sceptical).

Original poster

pleasechange · 23/01/2009 09:13

I should also mention that we co-sleep, which is another reason I'd prefer to avoid anti-histamines

OP posts:

tilbatilba · 23/01/2009 09:14

No YANBU....you should not have to take drugs to visit your MIL ! Only someone who is allergic to cats will truly understand how ill it makes you feel. It's not like it's just a few sneezes and watery eyes...you really feel crap.
They will visit you soon enough once the baby is born.

HolyGuacamole · 23/01/2009 09:15

I'm the same with cats. 5 minutes in their company makes my eyes look like dogs balls I've done ten rounds with Mike Tyson, my skin itches and I get rashes everywhere. My friend had 2 cats and she used to keep antihistamines for me when I went round there. They did help but I just preferred not to take them so I can totally understand where you're coming from. Even if the cat is out of the room, the hairs are everywhere and if you come into contact with them then touch your eyes it will flare up just the same.

I'd explain to MIL and avoid the situation as much as possible.

YANBU at all.

Dropdeadfred · 23/01/2009 09:18

what is your dh's opinion? and what did your MIL say about last time?

Original poster

pleasechange · 23/01/2009 09:23

Dropdeadfred - DH suggested I take antihistamines, but it's since he said this that I've looked into them and realised that I can't, certainly while bf and cosleeping

Re MIL - hmmm, she's oblivious to most things tbh. When I was still heavily pg, I was there with DH and my parents. My eyes were streaming like mad and DH told MIL (who hadn't noticed) and so she put out the cat. However half an hour later she let the cat back in. My parents were , as I was sneezing terribly etc and rubbing my eyes

Last time we visited (couple of weeks ago) she again didn't notice (although GMIL did and was really sympathetic). It probably sounds odd that she didn't notice, but she's the type to be somewhat self-obsorbed, eg. didn't even show any interest in DS eating for the first time, despite having been on at me to wean him for months

OP posts:

nellyup · 23/01/2009 09:24

No, YANBU, cat allergies are grim and you're perfectly reasonable to avoid MIL's.

I hear what you're saying about the drugs - I have been in exactly the same position. My parents used to have a cat and I dreaded visiting for the reasons you describe and was reluctant to take anti-hists. However, a doctor and a breastfeeding counsellor, both of whom I trust completely, recommended a nasal spray (e.g. Beconase). Doesn't make you drowsy and acts only in your nose so the amount getting to your milk is non-existent. You can use it in a kind of prophylactic way - I used to start using it 4-5 days before a visit and while I was there and it made such a difference.

spongebrainbigpants · 23/01/2009 09:40

Hi allnew, have you actually broached the subject to your MIL of not visiting? Do they live nearby? Are you able to host them easily and can they travel easily? I think if it's not going to affect how often they see their grandson, and you're happy for them to come to you then YANBU.

We have cats and I would not be the least offended if someone said they could not come to me because of them - there's not much I can do about them because, as you say, their hair gets everywhere, so it's not like just cleaning the house the morning before you went would make any difference.

If you have a good relationship have the conversation and see where it goes from there.

smudgethepuppydog · 23/01/2009 09:45

YANBU. My DD is similarly allergic to cats and antihistmaines don't really offer her much relief. Cat dander stays in the house long after the cats leave (it took 12 months for our own house to become dander-free). It is a miserable allergy and can put her in hospital with an asthma attack. Can your MIL travel to you? My mum won't visit us because we have a dog (she's not allergic, she just doesn't like dogs) so it means I have to visit her or we meet up half way.

smudgethepuppydog · 23/01/2009 09:48

starbear · 23/01/2009 09:50

very long time ago I was allergic to a boyfriend's house. No cats. I think it was new and I was allergic to the plaster. I really feel for you. After I figured this out I never slept in the house again. I felt exactly the same. My eyes would blow up and itch, sneeze and runny nose. Thank God I didn't buy the house myself. I would have a chat.

CeceliaAhern · 23/01/2009 09:52

YANBU. I am the same. It seems to be the hair I am allergic to so it is slightly better if the cat is out of the room and even better if they have hoovered. When sil had one, we could never pop in. We would telephone in advance. Don't think she got that worked up about it- she could see the consequences for herself if she didn't and it was better than having to make my excuses and leave after 20 minutes.

bumpybecky · 23/01/2009 09:58

I don't suffer from cat allergy, but do have relatively bad hay fever. It is possible to take antihistamines when pregnant and / or breastfeeding. I have to as it is impossible for me to function unmedicated in the summer. Beconase spray is fine, piriton is fine (but can cause drowsiness). I've also taken other antihistamine (loratidine from memory) as piriton knocks me out totally.

See here...

www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/pdfs/Antihistamines_and_breastfeeding_June_08.pdf

However, YANBU to want to avoid MIL's house and cat. If you don't want to medicate, then you shouldn't. Can DH take DS and leave you at home?

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 23/01/2009 10:06

I am allergic to cats and was always v v ill when visiting my mum.

My choices were to stop visiting

Sycamoretree · 23/01/2009 10:23

I have this problem. They used to put the cats out but I told them not to bother as it didn't make a blind bit of difference.

I am able to take antihistamine and it normally gives me 2 hours of tolerable allergic reaction levels. After that, we have to go and I general spend the entire journey back coughing so much, one time I actually vomitted

It means we have to stay in a hotel everytime we visit which is very cost prohibitive.

I don't know what to say. I feel it's so unfair, but it's their right to keep the pets they want. I just find it SUCH a pain as the negative associations with visiting them are huge. I also can't bear it when everyone start asking me if I'm alright once the sneezing and coughing starts....what am I going to say? I just smile politely (through gritted teeth) - "oh, yes, I'm fine, don't worry about me.

You have my utmost sympathy.

OrmIrian · 23/01/2009 10:33

It is awful to be allergic to cats. I am, but thankfully not too badly now, when I was a child it was much much worse. My asthma got so bad I could hardly breathe. However I have almost always lived in a house with a cat and over the years the allergy has faded until now I'm fine with out cat - if she scratches me I get a raised weal and my eyes sometimes get a little red. If it's any comfort it can get better.

However I don't think it's fair to go to your MILs house if it makes you feel like that. But don't make a big issue of it. It's not MILs fault, or the cat's. Ask DH to help you come up with a reasonable excuse.

Nekabu · 23/01/2009 10:42

ummadam, thank you so much for that recommendation of Petal Cleanse! I'd never heard of it and my cat allergy results in quite bad asthma (I love my cats more than I dislike my allergy!) so will be ordering some right now to give it a try. If it helps I will be sending very grateful vibes your way!

Original poster

pleasechange · 23/01/2009 11:33

Thanks all for your replies

MIL lives just 45 mins away and comes here every couple of weeks anyway. I'll speak to DH later about it and see what he says

Do any of you know if it's likely that DS will have the same allergy?

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 23/01/2009 11:39

Not so far, or not badly. Sometimes my eldest gets a bit itchy but nothing bad.

MillyR · 23/01/2009 12:23

YANBU

I am allergic to cats; I went to visit my MIL when I was pregnant and she has cats. I ended up in hospital as a result (not just A&E, was put on a ward and had to stay in).

I haven't been back to MIL's since.

What is the point of going to visit someone if it makes you ill? If she is only 45 mins away she can come and visit you instead. I think it is bizarre that someone with a cat would expect someone to suffer discomfort just to be a guest in their house.

Just tell MIL that you are allergic to cats and so are not going to visit; that is a reasonable excuse.

Neither of my children have allergies, so your ds may turn out to be fine with the cats.

VinegarTits · 23/01/2009 12:32

I have the worst allergy to cats, same as you, sneezing, runny eyes, wheezing, coughing, hives on my skin if i touch them

xMIL has cats, she is very good about my allergy to them, she always has anti-hysts in for me (in case i forget), always chases cats out before i come, hoovers, dusts, changes cushion covers, open windows etc

i just put up and shut up, as it is more important for my ds that he spends time with his grandma and sees that i spend time their too

xmil says she knows a lot of people who are allergic to cats and i have the worst allergy case she has ever seen, but i also complain the least

idlingabout · 23/01/2009 13:00

YANBU - cat allergy is a total pita.
When I visit friends who have cats I have to make sure to take anti-histamine in advance to have any chance of them working. What I find strange is that it is a lottery as to whether they work or not. Still furious that they withdrew 'triludan' some years ago as it was the only anti-histamine that was truly effective for me.
If your mil agrees to visit you instead that would be ideal. I would also screw up the courage to ask your dh to shake her coat outside before bringing it into the house so as to avoid transfering cat dander etc. This may sound ott but it took me ages to work out why I always felt ill when a particular friend visited until I saw the cat in her house lying on some coats.

weblette · 23/01/2009 13:03

Yanbu at all.

I'm another one with a severe cat allergy and bf so don't want to take antihistamines.

I don't go to houses with cats, people do understand that, especially if they've ever seen me sneezing, wheezing and snotting within seconds of being near a cat.

None of my 4 dcs seem to have developed it.

vole3 · 24/01/2009 07:35

YANBU.
My friend used to be OK to visit me if she took her inhalers and some antihistamines before she stayed.

I would keep the cat out of room that she stayed in for a week before, clean thoroughly, damp dust and not hoover on the day to reduce airborne bits.

Last time she visited she had an asthma attack and I took her to A&E for a nebuliser.
She insisted on coming back to ours as it was 4 am.

At 6.30 am I called for an ambulance and followed in her car to the hospital so I could drive her home afterwards.

Since then I insist on visiting her at hers or we meet in town......

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