To be really peed off with parents who haven't responded to dd's party invite??

[snackattack]

I know I'm not! IT'S JUST PLAIN RUDE AND THOUGHTLESS. dd started Reception this year and I've invited both classes as I know she plays with girls in the other class. We sent out 30 invites. 5 people responded saying they couldn't make it. 20 said yes, 1 cancelled today as her dd is ill. She was lovely and terribly apologetic. However, 5 have not bothered to respond at all, despite me sending a round-robin email asking for a yes or no. What the heck is wrong with these people?? Isn't it just courteous to respond?? Would you assume they are NOT coming and run the risk of being short of food boxes and party bags if they turn up? Or assume they're coming and spend the extra money catering for 5 kids?? I'm at a loss to be honest. I thought I'd corner the parents in the school playground but I just couldn't bring myself to do it because I felt so annoyed that I just don't think I'd sound polite! Invites went out weeks ago and party is on Saturday and it's just hitting me now as I prepare for it, how bloody thoughtless some people are!!

By all means DO corner parents and ask them. In Dcs school, the parents usually give invites to the teachers to pass on parents via the children. Many times I was not even aware of a party my Dcs were invited to because my little darlings had "forgotten them in their tray" for weeks sometimes! I wish parents would corner me more often!

this used to drive me NUTS. YAdefinitelyNBU and you should ask them. Don't know what planet some parents live on. See, am getting angry for you!

Are your sure everyone received their invitations?

Are you sure they all read their emails (some people don't check theirs for weeks on end)?

If you are, do another email only to those who haven't replied saying "as I've not heard from you I'm assuming your child will not be coming to the party".

Definitely ask. Or individual emails if you have addresses for them.

Chances are you will find that the same 5 people are the ones who never respond to invitations.

Yes, I'm sure they got them....just don't want to appear "desperate"! I'm not sure why people think it's fine to just ignore invites...I find it very rude!

You know what - I gave up worrying that people might think I was desperate/anal - given that I thought they were either scatty or rude

If you phrase an email along the lines of 'everyone else has responded - just waiting for confirmation from you to make sure I have catering/party bag numbers right' and direct it only to those who have yet to reply.

That and cornering people in the playground got me to 21 answers out of 22 school invititations last time!

I'd say a 5/30 non-response rate was not too bad, though I understand your dilemma and your irritation.
Ask them, be polite though. Some people have a lot more going on in their lives than organising their children's social schedule. And some kidsNEVER remember to bring anything home.

Please don't waste your energy being pd off. Really. Because this will happen year in year out. Last b'day DS#2 had 6 children missing from his party - some of whom had* confirmed. Because it was half term and their parents forgot .

I do sympathise but until you reach the point when you are only inviting a few guests there is always going to be a thoughtless few.

You will always get this and those who say yes and don't turn up.

It usually turns out to be the same ones so you don't bother in the end!

One of the Mum's at school suddenly seemed to stop being friendly to me and I had no idea why. Until DC brought home Xmas cards from school and opened them only to reveal one was in fact a party invite from October from the child of the Mum who had just stopped talking to me out of the blue...

Try talking to them before writing them off!

and keep a sense of perspective...for you and your DD, it is the biggest thing happening, especially as she is still relatively new to the school; for the parents of the children you have invited, it MAY, just MAY seem like yet another invitation from a parent they don't know, about a child who their own DC is vague about... especially if they have older DCs and feel that every weekend is spent trudging around to parties, or if they are generally very relaxed about their own social arrangements.

30 children for a birthday party? the mind boggles!

It is rude but am amazed you have had 25 replies to date. I sent out 15 invitations last week (and, yes, everyone got them because I handed them out) and so far I have had one reply...

Ok, thanks everyone. I have decided not to waste my energy being mad about this. Clearly it's not unusual (which still amazes me!)... will try and corner them (nicely) tomorrow on school run and politely enquire whether they got the invite...KNOWING THEY BLOODY WELL DID......[takes deeep breeeaatth]...

Some of them won't have got the invitations. One of my children is so chronically scatty that she loses and forgets everything - including party invitations. Occasionally the parent contacts me and checks whether we've received an invitation, but I suspect she has missed lots of parties.

Sometimes an invitation surfaces, from somewhere like down the back of someone else's sofa cushions.

For a DIY party I tend to assume that they are coming if I haven't heard back - well for the purposes of catering and party bags anyway - just to save any awkwardness if they do happen to turn up. I can always use up any leftover food/party bags so its not money wasted. For a pay-per-head party I would definately chase up replies though.
It may be that they have sent a reply via the wonders of 'children mail' and that could be why the message has not arrived...

it is annoying and quite frankly rude

corner them or ring if you have a class list