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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be really irritated by a) strangers mauling DS and b) people taking his thumb away

29 replies

tinierclanger · 22/01/2009 11:39

Why do people feel entitled to grab babies? As soon as someone leans over and says how lovely he is, I KNOW they're going to start poking him.

And also, not just strangers but MIL is always taking his thumb out of his mouth. 'Oh, you don't need that!'. Yes he DOES! It's HIS thumb and he WANTS TO SUCK IT SO LET HIM!

OP posts:

meandjoe · 22/01/2009 11:42

ooo this annoys enormously! i hate it. i know i sound neurotic but when people grab at him and touch him i feel so on edge. i think it's cos i know that he doesn't like it, he really isn't comfortable around strangers so i always worry how he'll react. and talking his thumb away is bloody pointless and stupid. it's his thumb and if it comforts him then why remove it! grrrrrrr YANBU

bluebump · 22/01/2009 11:45

Ugh this annoys me too. A stranger came up to my DS in his pram the other day and said "He can't smile with that in" about his dummy and almost looked like she was going to take it out until I stopped her. The MIL does this all the time too as she hates the dummy. When she takes it out and he cries she says "don't worry he's only talking" ...erm I think he's crying actually!!

alicecrail · 22/01/2009 11:47

Do you feel better now? I still suck my thumb and i don't think that anything anyone could do would have stopped me. Most kids stop by the time they are in school anyway so i would leave him (bloody mil's always know best however )
And yes i totally agree with the fact that people seem to think that babies are public property, and bumps for that matter!! Totally random people touching you (nasty creepy shiver) Why???!!!!!
So no you are definitly not being unreasonable

VintageGardenia · 22/01/2009 11:48

I'd be raging if anyone took ds's thumb out of his mouth.

VintageGardenia · 22/01/2009 11:49

Though I don't mind strangers leaning in for a pat, a cheek-chuck or whatever, specially oldies. I think that's nice.

mm22bys · 22/01/2009 11:49

He'll get buck teeth if you let him suck him thumb don't you know .

YANBU.

VintageGardenia · 22/01/2009 11:50

A good response might be "Shall I take your foot out of yours for you?"

dancingqueeen · 22/01/2009 11:50

you are not being unreasonable. I can't imagine how people can think it is acceptable to try and touch a baby they don't know or to try and reomove its thumb! I didn't stop until I was about fifteen (admittedly only in my room at home by then), and then suddenly I just didn't need to any more

NotADragonOfSoup · 22/01/2009 11:51

"He'll get buck teeth if you let him suck him thumb don't you know"

Well, DS1 is half way through £4k worth or orthodontic treatment to correct damage caused in no small part by thumb sucking so I'd ditch the if I were you.

Having said that, it is no one's job but your own to remove a thumb from your baby's mouth.

Original poster

tinierclanger · 22/01/2009 11:58

I would honestly rather pay 4k later and have him be happy now. The thumb a) comforts him and b) is something under his control. But yes even if I didn't want him to do it, it would be for ME to remove it.

Off topic, do you have to pay for orthodontics? I had it when I was a child and I'm sure we wouldn't have paid.

OP posts:

alicecrail · 22/01/2009 12:00

Funnily enough, like i said i have always sucked my thumb and never had to have a brace or corrective dentistry but my sister who only ever had dummys had to have loads. Perhaps some people are more prone to it

mamadiva · 22/01/2009 12:00

I thought someone's son had been hideously assaulted reading the thread title

PSML at my thickness

I hated it when people insisted on grabbing and prodding at my DS whether it was squeezing his legs 'aww lok at his chubby wee legs' or grabbing his face although DS did have a very nasty eczema rash on his face so was kind of funny seeing people leaning into pram to grab the cheek thing and pulling there hand away horrified.

About the thumb though it's not good, feeling a bit hypocritical as DS uses a dummy but that can be taken away a thumb can't. I used to work wit SN kids and one of them sucked his thumb so much his teeth were everwhere and his thumb was a mess, picture skin when you come out the bath, now add some infection to that not nice. If I were you I'd try and stop that as cruel as it sounds but it is for his own good.

mamadiva · 22/01/2009 12:03

tinier I'm sorry but yes yiou may be happy to pay the 4k later but do you think he'll be happy to go through it, I don't imagine I would if it may have been able to be stopped.

Original poster

tinierclanger · 22/01/2009 12:03

But I prefer a thumb PRECISELY because it can't be lost or taken away. And it goes in when he wants it and comes out when he doesn't.

Anyway see this
advice is that you should not discourage the thumb sucking but let them stop on their own, naturally.

OP posts:

NotADragonOfSoup · 22/01/2009 12:06

That BabyWorld "advice" is a load of nonsense.

cikecaka · 22/01/2009 12:13

I sucked my thumb until I had my first child, didnt like to do it in the hospital so I finally gave it up, My teeth arent bucked and have never needed dentistry done on it. Dont know whether it is having dcs or stopping sucking my thumb but I reckon I havent slept properly since

Original poster

tinierclanger · 22/01/2009 12:13

Can you advise why it's nonsense? Not being confrontational, genuinely interested.

OP posts:

Wigglesworth · 22/01/2009 12:27

I think everyone has their own opinion on thumb and dummy sucking. Personally I don't like thumb sucking but for someone to hawk it out of your childs mouth is outrageous, whether you know them or not.

IAmTheNewQueenOfMN · 22/01/2009 12:30

I sucked my thumb till I was past 123 and I have no problem with my teeth

it can cause a problem with teeth but not definitely

I will take that risk for the comfort that dd2 needs now

cat64 · 22/01/2009 12:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CatIsSleepy · 22/01/2009 12:33

wow NewQueen....you are old

I would have been exceedingly annoyed at anyone taking dd's thumb out of her mouth...it was ours and her ticket to a good night's sleep!

mooseloose · 22/01/2009 12:35

ds1 has a brace in now, and he never sucked his thumb (NHS). ds2 stopped when he was about 4, i think i put stop grow on it. His teeth are bit all over, gappy at the front. ds3 has just stopped his thumb on his own accord - well, bribed by the fact i would buy him a gify, and stopped within a week! He is nearly 7. He has no front teeth yet! waiting waiting waiting!

Original poster

tinierclanger · 22/01/2009 12:35

I agree babies are there to be admired, I just don't think it's right to touch people without asking. In my younger days when I was on a night out, I felt similarly aggrieved if some bloke put his hands on me.

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 22/01/2009 12:40

Don't mind the touching. It's just affection after all. But the thumb thing would annoy me too.

NotPlayingAnyMore · 22/01/2009 12:52

DS is 8 next month. He sucked his thumb from when first able to, stopped naturally shortly after breastfeeding/bottles did and has no teeth trouble

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