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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think dh has a right to wear what he damn well likes to work?

38 replies

Kayteee · 21/01/2009 22:05

Will try and make this quick.
Dh has worked, loyally, for a company for 12 years now. He works in a huge office, fixing and installing computers. He has NO contact with the public and some of the work he does can involve getting a bit grubby. When he joined the company he was given no dress-code and so he goes to work in neat black jeans, neat tshirts and tidy sweat-shirts.
He's very well liked amongst his co-workers and one of those commited and helpful types.
Anyhoo...a new, rather bossy, career-minded, lady supervisor has recently joined the team and (for some reason) seems to have taken a dislike to him. She has been on his case over a few petty details and he's tried very hard to placate her and just get on with his job....through gritted teeth iyswim.
Last week, she calls him into her office and proceeds to inform him that "complaints have been made" about the way he dresses. Even asking him to provide medical evidence to show that it's necessary for him to wear his orthopedic boots (he has one leg shorter than the other). Ofcourse he was mad and asked to speak to her manager who said there had been no such complaints but that he should be wearing more office type trousers with, perhaps shirts instead of sweatshirts.
Whilst talking to this manager he came to a compromise, after saying that he couldn't afford new clothes anyway,when the boss said "well get some on expenses then"!
AIBU to think that he should be complaining to someone about discrimination? If it were me I probably would be emailing Head Office in a right strop. But then I thought of you lovely lot out there and thought I'd run it by you all first
If any of you reply please take into consideration that he's a very "casual" sorta guy and is very uncomfortable in smart gear. Also, there's nothing in his original contract stating a particular dress-code.
May the jury decide......

OP posts:
GrimmaTheNome · 21/01/2009 22:57

I'm rather with the OP. I think the new manager was out of line, throwing her weight around for no good reason.
As if anyone would wear orthopaedic boots if they didn't need to . And then her manager said there hadn't been any complaints but I suppose had to grudgingly back her up.

I really don't get this 'dress code' thing for back-office staff.

Would suggest OPs DH buys 'office' clothes on expenses, but also asks for a boiler-suit jobbie on expenses to wear over it when he's delving.

smurfgirl · 21/01/2009 23:43

My DH works in the IT department, they all wear (smartish) trousers and shirts.
DP buys £14 trousers from Asda for work.

GrimmaTheNome · 21/01/2009 23:51

Urgh. Black jeans sound much nicer than cheap 'smart' clothes.

I'm so glad I work from home, where dress code is entirely optional!

cheesesarnie · 21/01/2009 23:52

id like to work in an office just so i could wear a suit!

StewieGriffinsMom · 22/01/2009 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Mimia · 22/01/2009 08:40

The only bit I find unreasonable is that she made up the complaints. I would pursue that as bullying.

I don't agree with your other points about dress code and getting grubby. I'm a mental health nurse and we don't wear uniforms. We are required to wear smart trousers and an appropriate smart top at my trust and I'm sure I could get much grubbier working in a ward where people are incontinent etc than he could getting under a desk.

OatcakeCravings · 22/01/2009 08:41

Could I just add - I think that your husband needs to write down anything else she says which seems unreasonable. If this escalates and he needs to take this problem higher he needs evidence of her behaviour and a diary is evidence.

cory · 22/01/2009 09:45

As Nancy pointed out, I don't think it is discrimination if they asked him to prove his need for boots and then let him have them. Surely that means making the necessary adjustments to his disability? It's like asking for a blue badge from someone who uses a disabled space. Or a doctor's certificate from someone who needs time off. If not everyone is allowed special boots and he needs them, then surely he needs to prove why he needs them?

It sounds like your dh is a very touchy person with little experience of how most offices work these days. Why should his personality (a "casual sort of guy") decide how his firm choose to portray themselves?

bubblagirl · 22/01/2009 10:03

i completely get where your coming from taking away the clothing issue she has fabricated complaints about clothing and then proceeded to ask for evidence about his boots that would have me seething ,

if they'll pay for clothes great but maintenance and people getting grubby i rarely see them in suits but smart sweat tops and casual dark trousers

i think the issue is she has created an atmosphere in a job where he has been happy and got along with all staff and she walks in and fabricates complaints and then proceeds to be clearly nasty to ask for proof about his boots i think he should watch her actions closely and keep note as does sound rather nasty to me

Kayteee · 22/01/2009 10:33

cory- it is I who have the problem with it, not dh. He's relatively resigned to the clothes issue. If anything I'm the touchy one but then I'm a bit of a rebel when it comes to people telling me what to do. Office life has always reminded me of being at school. I worked in one (office), many years ago, and vowed never to again!
Also, he's been disabled since the start of this job and it's well known to everyone there. This new woman is just trying the usual "I'll show em who's the new boss" rubbish imo.

bubbla- you got it!

OP posts:
cory · 22/01/2009 10:38

Fair enough, I wouldn't like to work in an office myself. But presumably your dh has chosen it, so has to put up with it.

I can see that this woman is a pain, and it may well be worth keeping a book on her behaviour in case she does overstep the mark - but it would be difficult to prove that she has so far.

violethill · 22/01/2009 10:49

The boots issue seems really straightforward. If it's a medical issue and he needs to wear them, then I suggest he just provides the evidence necessary. (Though surely they would have medical details on file anyway?)

The dress code is up to the company to decide - and if they want him in smarter clothes, then he'll have to conform. It's not just about whether he's in contact with the public, it's about creating what the management feel is the right ethos.

I am gobsmacked that he has been offered financial help to buy appropriate clothes and you are still questioning it! I have to wear smart clothes for my job, and no one has ever offered to take me shopping for them!! He's very lucky IMO

womblingfree · 22/01/2009 12:05

This boss sounds like a right PITA, and the lying about complaints and boots issues is probably worth mentioning to someone higer up.

FWIW I used to work for a computer firm and all our workshop guys had to wear smart trousers, shirts and ties.

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