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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really enjoying not o being in thrall to my DC all the time, and sometimes choosing to stay late at work because I am enjoying it?

34 replies

OrmIrian · 21/01/2009 19:44

I've had 11 yrs of running around like a blue-arsed fly geting DCs dressed, fed, clean and to school/CM/nursery with all their bits and doing the reverse at the end of the day, my job being crammed somehow inbetween those 2 immovable objects. Now I take to school but DH does the pick-up and does all the after school faffing (lunch boxes, evening meal cooked, playdates and the like). And it has just struck me that I can stay late at work if I need to, or just if I want to. It is such a huge weight off my shoulders - child-related things happen these days even when I'm not there! It's a bloody miracle.

I can see why so many men stay late at work. Tis very tempting. And I always have enough to do to justify it TBH.

I feel so guilty. Am I not supposed to be desperate to get home to my family?

OP posts:
posieflump · 21/01/2009 19:46

yanbu!

did dh quit work then?

You are very lucky

nickytamoshantertwotimes · 21/01/2009 19:47

Yanbu.

Enjoy the (slight) freedom after years of servitude.

I don't think you should feel guilty at all.

yesmynameisigglepiggle · 21/01/2009 19:47

er...no!!!! The after school faff is abso;utely the worst part of mother hood. And actually I think a lot of men do this better for some reason.

Original poster
OrmIrian · 21/01/2009 19:48

No posie. He was in construction when it started to go pear-shaped. So he got a job as a LSA (he has a BEd anyway but has never used it). But it means he works school hours only.

OP posts:
Original poster
OrmIrian · 21/01/2009 19:59

DH has sulked about me being late sometimes. It's quite funny. Role reversal I suppose.

OP posts:
Lazycow · 21/01/2009 20:01

oh back when I had a job pre-redundancy I always stayed a bit late when dh was doing he pick up (rare but did happen sometimes). It really made the end of the day less stressful.

brimfull · 21/01/2009 20:04

life with a wife is blissfull

unavailable · 21/01/2009 20:05

Orm - I think this thread sheds some light on your question yesterday about why he insists on you all doing chore type things together in the evenings/ at weekends. No coincidence, surely?

Original poster
OrmIrian · 21/01/2009 20:20

Could be unavailable. I did mention it on that thread as a possible cause. But in all the years I did it all I never acted like that. Maybe it's about expectation.

OP posts:
LoveMyLapTop · 21/01/2009 20:22

Work it baby!
I often sigh at 5 o clock at the thought of having to go ...gulp.....home!!

Original poster
OrmIrian · 21/01/2009 20:25

Ah... so glad it's not just me laptop. It's Nirvana really isn't it. Warm comfortable place, coffee when needed, lots of people to talk to, a nice view out of the window, interesting stuff to do. OK some nasty stuff sometimes and stress too, but not that much. I hated it when I was having to do all the childcare and chores too.

OP posts:
sameagain · 21/01/2009 20:34

Hey Orm, does that mean you might also be able to go to the pub on the way home occasionally too? I've just started to say yes when asked once in a while (about once a month) and DH & DSs don't appear to notice/care. Don't know why I ever rushed home TBH. Much nicer to get home after tea/bath/supper, just in time to do stories and goodnight kisses (and you wouldn't believe how good I am at timing that just right )

mummyloveslucy · 21/01/2009 20:35

If you are happy, it'll have a positive effect on your children. They will benefit more from you being more relaxed, and I'm sure you'll enjoy your time with them more too.

sep1712 · 21/01/2009 20:39

I leave the house at 5.50pm to go to work having already feed the kids and prepared dh tea. It is such a relief to be out in the real world! I can sometimes pop home of an evening but never before bbedtime .

Don't feel guilty, we all need our own space.
Well done for stepping back!

twentypence · 21/01/2009 20:44

This year I don't do any school drop offs and the difference it has made to me is incredible.

Putting ds to bed has never really been "my job" anyway as I work in the evenings (at home) and dh has done it.

I have my parents here at the moment and am unwell, so I'm doing nothing. Having 3 wives is wonderful.

onepieceofbrusselssprout · 21/01/2009 20:45

I work at least 1 or 2 late shifts a week and understand where you are coming from. Dh gets out of the morning chaos (usually) but he starts early and finishes early.

If work is fairly quiet, I manage to have some food in peace and even get a break if I am lucky. dh meanwhile does the cm/school pick up/dinner/bath etc etc. I am helpful in that I leave easy foods to cook/heat up and keep up to date with the laundry.

SummerNights · 21/01/2009 21:51

Definitely not BU

I do all the drops offs and until recently 3 days of pick ups (my mother deos the other 2) but when I went back to full time (from 4 days) I insisted dh did Fridays (because he can finish early on Friday anyway) so it means I can stay late at least one night a week and being Friday often adjourn to the pub - it is bliss and I, too, am getting very good at timing it right for story and goodnight kiss

superfrenchie1 · 21/01/2009 22:10

yanbu at all!

other way round here - i work from 7am til 3pm. so i miss out the stress of getting them up and dressed and breakfasted and teeth cleaned and book bagged etc etc etc in the morning. dp takes them to CM / school, he works 10am - 6pm. i get in to a nice quiet office, have a cup of tea and a bowl of porridge and do some work... heaven

...but i get the after school bit, racing to get to the CM and then to school by 3.30 and all the associated faffing

we all need our space. it means that when we do see them we want to stop, sit down and read a story with them and give them a cuddle

everyone's a winner! good for dcs to spend time with dad too. you are v lucky (me too)

Acinonyx · 21/01/2009 22:32

Yanbu - I really grind my teeth when dh can't do the pick up (I drop off and dh is supposed to pick up - if he's here...).

blueshoes · 21/01/2009 22:50

YANBU.

I have not managed to engineer my dh doing the pick up - Orm, how did you finesse that one?

But on the rare occasions my dh does the drop off, I go into work early. Ah, blissssssssss.

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 21/01/2009 22:57

OP, I dont' think you are being unreasonable. There's a parent at home with the kids. What's not to like?

But no one ever died and had "I wish I'd worked more" on their gravestone. I'm worried by people saying it's bliss getting into work early. Is it really that good????

blueshoes · 21/01/2009 23:02

Peace on earth ...

ChasingSquirrels · 21/01/2009 23:13

nope that sounds fine - as long as when you are going to be unexpectedly late you don't leave phoning to inform him of the fact until the time you would be expected to be walking through the door at home!

izyboy · 21/01/2009 23:21

I honestly think that sometimes I would be a nicer more interactive mummy if I saw my kids less!

Original poster
OrmIrian · 22/01/2009 09:46

Thankyou all!

ROFL at the timing bit . I confess to leaving a little later on the nights when the supermarket delivery is due . And on one evening when I knew DD would be starting her problematic maths hw... but I had had a go at it the night before and I reckoned it was DH's turn. I do bedtime more often than not - for various reasons - and I am better at it. I always read lots to them (even the 12yr old). DH just tends to yell 'go to bed!' and then wonders why it doesn't happen .

Hark at me justifying myself....

No not done the pub stop off yet. No-one here tends to do that anyway. Miserable buggers! May have to start a tradition.

OP posts: