Quick poll please. Should I curtail my social life, which is pretty slim anyway!

[sandyballs]

DD (nearly 8) hates me being out in the evening, particularly when it is time for her to go to bed. DH is more than capable but for some reason she wants me. I've said on here before that she has a sickness phobia which I think is linked to not wanting me to go out, but I feel now and then she just has to accept that I am not going to be there.

I am only talking once a fortnight for a PTA meeting or a meal out with friends, occasionally once a week. Dh thinks whilst DD is going through this 'phase' (bloody long one), I should be there more for her.

Opinions please.

No

At 8yrs she old enough to understand that you have things to do which don't involve her.

BTW I think your dh is just trying to get out of putting her to bed.

there 'more' for her so the other 13 nights don't count for being there

Does he say that sort of thing around her because he not she may be the problem.

As an anxiety disorder sufferer - I would say absolutely DO NOT curtail your social life. As 1)you need the break and 2)part of her recovery will be to feel OK with her dad and without you around. I hope she is geting some help with her phobia if its affecting her day to day life.

No YANBU - if you give in to her you only give more strength to her phobia. DH might not be entirely putting DD's best interests first either . Both my DDs have been through massively clingy phases and I stuck to my guns and occasionally went out and left DH to it. You need to have a social life (however limited) in order to be a sane happy mother IMO

I think you should still go out, like you say your dh is capable and it may sound harsh but she has to accept that you have a right to a social life the same as she does.

You should still go out.

Have you talked to her about why she is worried about you going out?

You could give her the choice of being put to bed by you, but she has to go early (ie. 7.00pm), or she can be put to bed by your dh at her normal time. Would this work?

Thank you. I've just rung home (I work part time), and spoke to her and I told her that daddy would be putting her to bed tonight as I am going straight to the school to a PTA meeting. She cried her eyes out . I didn't mention it on the school run this morning as I knew she would go mad.

I agree that stopping things like this would feed her problem. Dh hasn't mentioned this in front of DD as far as I am aware.

I could try that Littlefish, not tonight though as I'm going straight there.

I find it rather stifling to be honest. She wasn't like this at 3 - I remember going to Spain for a weekend with friends. I didn't think 8 would be clingy!

8 can be very clingy. My dd was like this too. I think you need to stick to your guns- for both your sakes. Otherwise you risk perpetuating the phase.

If you stop going out, you send a message to both your dd and dh that given enough sulking, you can be coerced into giving up something you like. You are still allowed to be a person in your own right even though you are a mum.

I remember pulling this one on my Mum! I just didn't want her to go out end of, I guess I was trying to control the situation.

If you aren't allowed to go out, tell your DH he can't either - then see if he's so keen for you to stay in and put your DD to bed! As other's have said, I think it is good for your DH and DD to have you go out once in a while. They'll both have to learn some coping strategies and I think if you pander to your DD's phobia it could get worse.

I think she knows how to push your buttons tbh
You need to be firm and tell her to stop being silly
Your dh also needs to back you up
Maybe you should have a girlie weekend away so they can bond?!

Thank you all . You've reaffirmed what I was already thinking. I really think I ought to step the social life up a gear then, to help dd . Only kidding.