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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that my parents might get a little excited that I am finally doing my degree?

14 replies

OracleInaCoracle · 20/01/2009 10:21

bit of background, my parents spilt up just before i was born. both remarried and i didn't see my dad until i was 17, he went on to have 5 more dc's. my mum had 2 more dc's and i moved out of home at 14 because of my stepdad's abusive behaviour. i got a pt job and managed to support myself through my a-levels where i got 2 a's and a b. but decided that i couldn't afford to go to uni.

i have called a truce with both sets of parents and actually get on ok with them now. my pnd and anorexia have really taken their toll on me the last few years and being made redundant from my new job was a real kick in the teeth. so dh and i sat down to plan our future. i found a degree in event and venue management (was rest manager pre-ds) and decided at the grand age of 31 (tomorrow) to bite the bullet. i have put off doing a degree for too long.

the offer letter was waiting when we got back from hol and i showed it to mum and sd who mumbled then told me all about my 2 db's (1 is working a cruise ship in s.america, 1 is serving in afghanistan) and i do mean ALL about them, what they had for dinner etc. mum then called me 3 times yesterday with updates (even though 1 time was a fb update that i am capable of reading myself) they havent even congratulated me or said they are proud. db2 went to uni and dropped out, but the fuss that was made of him was shocking! i will be the first person to get a degree in our family. i would have thought that they might be at least a little proud.

told dad yesterday and he too was v ambivilant, mumbled "well done" then invited us to a games night (which was apparently why he rang) didnt even ask what the degree was.

sorry its so long, but im really hurt by their constant lack of intrest. it seems that the only aspect of my life they are interested in is ds!

rant over

OP posts:
BouncingTartan · 20/01/2009 10:24

I know how you feel... my dad's like this.
It's harsh isn't it?

SecretSlattern · 20/01/2009 10:24

YANBU to be pissed off with their lack of interest. I would be too, but as you say, if their level of interest in your life only extends to your DS, be pleased and proud of that. Take no notice of them and enjoy your uni time.

Congratulations on the place and good luck!

nomoreamover · 20/01/2009 10:25

YANBU - but sadly you are not alone either. Mine exactly the same - never proud of anything I do but very quick to tell me how crap I am when I cock something up.

Must be that generation of parenting....

I'll tell you congratulations - starting a degree at any age is fabulous and you should be very proud of yourself.

Well done you

Boo to them!

OracleInaCoracle · 20/01/2009 10:26

it is. i dont want to stamp my foot and shout "notice me!" but im sick of being an afterthought!

OP posts:
OracleInaCoracle · 20/01/2009 11:04

thank you all, its nice to know im not alone in this (but sad as well)

OP posts:
FfreckleFface · 20/01/2009 11:04

Congratulations, lissielou! That's a huge achievement, and you are going to have an amazing time. (FfreckleFface crosses fingers and hopes she is accepted onto the course she wants to do in Sept.)

Maybe your mum feels guilty that you didn't get to go straight after your A-levels? I know it is easier said than done, but try not to let their attitudes dampen your enthusiasm and make you feel bad about something you should be thrilled about.

OracleInaCoracle · 20/01/2009 13:44

thanks ffreckle, what have you applied to do?

OP posts:
FfreckleFface · 20/01/2009 19:42

Law Conversion Course - I did Eng Lit about 5 years ago (God that makes me feel old!) but since having little Ff and working freelance at home, I have decided that I should go for it and train to be a solicitor.

If I get in (should find out by March) we can form a Mumsnet Student Union, and hang out drinking cheap pints, protesting about stuff.

pointydug · 20/01/2009 19:47

generally speaking, grandson does trump degree as far as gps go.

But you are their daughter, and they should be proud of you. There's nothing you can do about the fact they are not. So tell as many people as you can who will be proud of you!

duchesse · 20/01/2009 19:51

Oh dear Lissie. They sound pretty crap, and maybe a little disconnected with your life. Mind you, parents seem pretty good and jumping straight in with the comparisons (my parents, especially my father, both compare their grandchildren in quite a toxic way). It's a very negative cycle in which they will do anything to avoid acknowledging your news.

I think your degree news is fab!

ilovemydogandMrObama · 20/01/2009 19:56

Did they go to university?

If not, then they may not be able to relate to how hard you've worked to get accepted? A lot of people have this idea that it's like getting into primary school - just put your name down.

undervalued · 20/01/2009 20:01

Well done Lissie!! I started my degree at 31 - best thing I ever did. Enjoy it all. There are lots of mature students now, so you will soon make friends.
When I told my mother, she warned me not to get above my station???!!!

mamatrio3 · 21/01/2009 12:42

Lol at undervalue. bloody ell.

Lissielou, you are a star for going back now. I'm 6 months away from graduating online at the ripe of age of 34. My parents have forgotten I am even doing it (maybe pissed off that they spent all their money on my private education and I dropped out of uni at 20 yrs old) and although my DH knows I'm doing something or other - I guarantee that he has no idea what I am actually studying. LOL!!

Best of luck. xx

SubRosa · 21/01/2009 13:39

Well done on getting your offer. I think Ilovemydog's got a point - not many people realise that getting into uni takes a lot of work and commitment. I'm sure you'll love it: I'm currently plodding through an MFL degree, it's hard work but I'm learning so much

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