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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to cry at the monotony of my life???...long moan..sorry

13 replies

Nemoandthefishes · 19/01/2009 17:25

Am absolutely fed up of day in day out drudgery that is my life. Yes it was my choice to have dc but plan was to stay in work full time but depression was so bad I was medically retired from my job at the time. Meaning dh went out to work. I am just feel stuck especially with no.4 on the way. All I do i get up get dressed get dc dressed, breakfast, teeth brushing/washing. then there i the school run which is hell on worth with at least one of the three crying over something or other. Then we have the fight to get dds home. Once home it is keeping them entertained and no matter what I do they start fighting etc. I then have to clean, do washing, prep dinner etc. I do try to go out somewhere aswell. Then school run again which is repeat of the morning. Once ds home the fighting seems to go to another level and the mess just starts again so house looks like I have done nothing.During this time I will cook dinner so dh can come home anytime between 5 and 7pm to be in a foul mood at his crap day and I just nod and agree. Then its bed time for dc and I come on the computer and waste the evening.
Feel stuck and depressed thinking tomorrow will be the same shit again

OP posts:

ANamesANameForAThatsTaken · 19/01/2009 17:33

Is there any way at all you can afford some help in the home or if not, could you get a small job when your maternity pay finishes?

DP should be helping when he arrives home and cleaning is a waste of time.

Original poster

Nemoandthefishes · 19/01/2009 17:37

to be fair dh does try to help of a morning he will make ds packed lunch while i get the trio ready
am not on maternity pay as wa medically retired 4 and a half years ago now. Couldnt afford any help in the house and have to clean to some extent or we would live in a complete dive which would get em down even more..believe me I did go through a no cleaning stage,.

OP posts:

cossiomi · 19/01/2009 17:38

I do feel for you I feel very much like you quite often and I only have the 2 kids. I just try and tell myself that one day I will probably look back on these very temporary days and long for them. Kids stay young for such a short time, try and give them as much love and cuddles fun as you can muster and forget the housework, like you said it looks like you haven't touched it at the end of the day anyway! My Husbands often in a mood when he gets in too, but thats what marriage is all about being there through the good and bad. He doesn't think its a difficult and tiring role to bring up Kids but isn't very keen to try it himself so he knows really!
Don't despair look at it as a very important job, I would rather be doing this than sitting on an over crowded train in rush hour, the daily grind of that is worse!

goingonfortynoelectricshocks · 19/01/2009 17:39

Nemo - your children are beautiful. Is there a hobby or interest you can take up during the day - get you out the house? One that you can take the little ones with you? Dog walking for a local pound? Sketching your kids feeding the ducks in the park?? (sorry if this seems trite but it's the sort of thing i did to stop myself going bonkers).

kettlechip · 19/01/2009 17:41

I hear you! I only have 2 dc's and have the utmost respect for anyone with more, as there is no way I could go through the current stage again (3 and 1yr old who seem bent on destroying each other/the house!) It is exhausting and mind numbing. We were stuck in all last week with a chicken pox thread and were all so bored I could feel my will to live ebbing away. DH works away all week so I have them totally on my own for most of the time.

I keep my sanity by getting out every day, seeing friends in the park or gardens on sunny days to avoid either house being trashed, going to as many playgroups as possible.

I've got ds1 in nursery for 18 hours a week which is doing him the world of good and gives me time with ds2. We have a cleaner for 2 hours a week who blitzes the bathrooms, stairs and kitchen and means I just have to tidy the rest of the time.

It will get better. It really will. I think this time of year is the absolute worst for seeing light at the end of a tunnel, but once they're playing outside in a few months they'll be running off energy and out of the house!

Original poster

Nemoandthefishes · 19/01/2009 17:48

to add to the fun I have just smashed a bottle of vinegar so house smells like some sort of chip shop and dd2 tipped my basket of clean washing into it while I was getting a cloth.....and breattttttthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

OP posts:

redheadmum · 19/01/2009 17:50

I struggle with this too. Its the constant round of having to do the same thing (and the same fights) which can slowly - or not so slowly- drive you bonkers.

the best thing I can say is to try to do one thing for yourself each day, to care for yourself.

This could be sitting down and having a cup of tea and flick through a mag for 15 mins, or doing your nails (I do this whilst the kids are in the bath!) or whatever rings your bell. I also like having a bath (and closing the door).

Why not get the DH to make the sandwiches the night before so you can both get the kids ready in the morning? this would half your workload in the morning in a chaotic time. Or can the oldest be given a job eg to put the youngest shoes on etc? Just a few thoughts these might not work for you but something else similar might.

RachePache · 19/01/2009 17:51

I know you probably don't have time to read, but there's a marvellous book called Can Any Mother Help Me? which is so very comforting - it's a pre war version of mumsnet, if you like. It's somehow nice to know that women have always felt frustrated and isolated by being at home with their children. I think people have very high expectations of what it should be like; we can't help but fall short of these standards. I bet you're far better at it that you give yourself credit. In any case, the pregnancy part is so very difficult. I've only done it twice but somehow that feeling of discontent and frustration is so much worse pre baby than after it arrives (at last that bit's vaguely exciting!).

Megglevache · 19/01/2009 17:53

J-A-N-U-A-R-Y!

Everyone has a shit January, try having a Birthday then, it stinks

soon the weather will improve and you can turf then out into the garden!

I try to do floors and lounge whilst the children are eating their tea and still, other wise as you say it feels like everything I did earlier was for nothing.

You are not alone.

JustKeepSwimming · 19/01/2009 17:54

kettlechip - are you me?

Nemo - have been trying to post next to you since i spotted your name a while back

i hear you, you are not alone.

My Dh also works away lots. We have cleaners for 2 hours a week so i know i don't have to do the bathroom, etc.
DSs go to nursery one day a week when i work in an office.
DS1 also goes to pre-school 2 mornings a week.
Then we all go to a playgroup the other 2 mornings.

I am in a love/hate relationship with this stage of life.
My boys are truly 'mine', i feel when they start school, they start 'slipping away' and i will look back and regret not making the most of this time. So i try and make the most of it.
But yes it is tedious and repetitive.

JustKeepSwimming · 19/01/2009 17:57

oh nemo, i typed too slow, post again so i can get my name next to yours

oh and i know with pg/newborn this will be tricky but...
the thing that keeps me sane is a plan for when i next get to go away
I have had 3.5yrs solid of pg & bf so this is a BIG DEAL for me!

Feb - 3 days away with DH in London (in-laws having boys)
June - week away in BERMUDA for my brother's wedding (in-laws having boys)

Dh & I have a plan to 'book in' the in-laws once every couple of months....

LightShinesInTheDarkness · 19/01/2009 18:16

I have a job (one which is OK and I am reasonably good at), I have 2 DCs and DH at home. And I too get so frustrated with the monotony of life - get up, go to work, come home, cook, homework, bed, get up, go to work...

But I think the boredom/dissatisfaction is a state of mind. On the face of it, I ought not to be bored witless because I get out of the house to work every day, but its still the same old, same old. I reckon its our attitude we need to change - think positively, be grateful, smile, look around, get outside. Maybe?

LucyEllensmummy · 19/01/2009 18:47

Oh, i feeel your pain!! I am the same, but I only have one (and one 18yo who has left home). I swear to god if i have to be my fecking little pony anymore i am going to seriously go insane. Properly mind blowingly insane!!! I too planned to go back to work and didn't, i had PND too. But had no job to get signed off from.

It can be mind numbing sometimes can't it - in fact i have DD climbing all over me just now, "play, c'mon, please play - i want chocolate ice cream". Bed time will be late cos DP out late - FFS!!!

JAnuary is the shittiest month isnt it, i can't be doing with it. Want to go to bed and wake up in May!! When hopefully someone will have overhauled my garden!

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