Stop me being a crazy pregnant woman at my DP!

[SpringySunshine]

Right, I was going to post this as a bit of a rant in my antenatal thread, but those ladies are so lovely that they probably wouldn't say if I'm being unreasonable & I really need to know if I am - I don't want to be a nagging old fishwife!

I'm 28 weeks pregnant & as such don't get a lot of sleep anyway - needing to wee, being kicked & the insomnia that means that it takes me 30-45 minutes to get back to sleep (after the initial hour or so to get to sleep in the first place). When DP comes to bed after me he invariably wakes me up, even if he's 'trying' to be quiet, so recently I've stayed up until about 12.30 as a compromise to him, so we can go to bed at the same time. In my ideal world I'd go to bed at about 10.30 & have a bit of a cuddle & maybe sex if we both fancied it, but he'd happily stay up all night playing computer games instead.

Last night he kept saying 'I'll be done in a minute' whenever I reminded him that I wanted to go to bed & I kept stupidly believing him. Until 3.15. We both have academic work to do today, but now I'm being physically sick & feel dreadful because I'm sleep deprived & he's getting on with his just fine.

I'm really not happy with him & feel like sulking all day now. He has apologised, but is irritated that I'm not 100% affectionate with him at the moment.

So AIBU? Should I let it go because he's apologised & it only matters this much because I'm pregnant? Or am I entitled to be annoyed?

YABU. Go to bed before him if you are tired.

YANBU because 3.15 is ridiculous in the circumstances.

Midnight is a good compromise, otherwise later than that and he should sleep on the sofa.

And I am not just being nice! BTW have you considered sabotaging his game console by putting a damaged fuse in the plug, or even temporarily removing the fuse altogether????

if you'd gone to bed at 10.30 and he'd stayed up til gone 3 you'd have gotton 5 hours of sleep before he came up so yes i'm afraid YABabitU

my dp is a night owl too and it is hard when your pregnant and shattered and can't stay up til the same time anymore.... i'm a night owl too usually but when pregnant 11.30/12 is my absolute limit for the most part.

how about you compromise instead by you going to bed early when you actially want to and if he does wake you coming in at stupid o clock you have a bit of a cuddle and possibly sex then instead?

i know if i force dp to go to bed earlir than he'd like to he can't sleep and keeps me awake anyway tossing and turning so this is what would work for us.

Pfft, it's tempting, Boffin. Even if I decided to, I'd have to sabotage two Xboxes, his laptop & the television to even stand a chance of him getting bored & coming to bed.

I wouldn't even mind so much if we hadn't both got things to do today & could just lie around watching rubbish tv together, with it being a Saturday & all. But we do & I asked him really nicely before dinner yesterday if we could get to bed at a reasonable time & then reminded him lots (nicely!) as it got later & later, before finally snapping at 3 & saying that it was getting stupid & that I was going to bed. 15 minutes later he followed.

He wouldn't have done if I'd not snapped though & if I snapped in lesser circumstances he'd (probably rightly) be unhappy about it.

It's just made worse by the fact that I'm being sick & headachey now because of it

Perhaps you need to make it very clear how unwell you now feel so that he has to run around after you which will disrupt his work.

PinkTulips, I would have gone to bed if I'd have known how late he'd be, but he always times it so that he comes to bed about 90 minutes after I do, so I've only just drifted off.

& it doesn't matter what time he goes to bed - he falls asleep within 10 minutes anyway

I think you're probably right, though. I think I am just being a bit daft & hormonal & am as annoyed with myself for not just going to bed as I am with him.

Haha, he knows how unwell I feel now. He's heard me being sick & seen me taking paracetamol, etc. He's asked if I'm okay & I've said that I feel awful because I've had no sleep, but that's about it - I've just had to make myself something to eat to replace what I'd been sick on, because he certainly wasn't going to

What about a v v early night to recharge your batteries or daytime naps?

I must admit that when PG I'm usually in bed by 8.30/9

I think you need to spell out how you feel and nip this in the bud pronto. Your tiredness will not get better when the little one arrives and he needs to accomodate this

Mind you if he likes staying up late he can do the late/early morning feed

It's not sad at all. I think I can only stay up as late as midnight because I'm usually a night person myself & am used to little sleep.

Thanks to everyone, though - I feel a lot better having just had a rant about it. I shall try to harden up a bit & get over it - it's not the end of the world

oldraver, I'd put money on him suddenly being a 10pm sleeper who simply can't hear the crying

My DP is bad with the late night computer games - after a particularly bad incident when i was ill and had lots to do the next day and begged him not to wake me up only to have him do just that at 1am we have a midnight rule which is that if he comes to bed any later than midnight he's not allowed to wake me up, whatever that takes - so no lights on, no reading, and absolutely no noise. He's become good at this but if he was to wake me up then i would change the rule so that post midnight he'd have to sleep on the guest bed in the living room. I don't think it's too much to ask for your partner not to wake you up (there'll be enough of that with a baby!)

Do you have other kids? If not you can sleep whenever you like! Have a nap today and talk about it tomorrow, you do need to work out what is reasonable.
And to accept that sometimes you just won't be sleeping together, because if he's working and you're at home with the baby, you will both need to recharge at different times.

We don't have other kids, but it's the fact that I can't just sleep whenever I like today because I've had things to do (I know that MNing isn't the best proof of this ). Normally it wouldn't be so much of a problem, I agree.

& fluffles, I think something like that may need to be put in place. It's a very good idea, thank you

fluffles... my dp never, ever in a milion years would turn a light on or shuffle around for ages but the mere act of the door being opened usually has me wide awake..... i wake up when the kids get out of bed in their room sometimes before they even open their door!

SS may just be like me and him coming into the room is what wakes her, not his noisiness when he's there.

It is a case of that more than anything, PinkTulips. That's why I feel like I probably am BU. Even if he tries really hard to be quiet, it's not enough. I may just have to say that if he's up for a certain period of time after I've gone to bed that he'll just have to sleep on the sofa. Only for the remainder of the pregnancy, but I can't deal with it as it is for now, especially as I get less & less sleep at night anyway.

Think of it as practice for when you have a newborn

Yes you are being a teeny bit unreasonable, but TBH I think he is as well. Think you need to ask him to cut down on the late nights, so that he can play his games just not every night!

Sorry YABU - you should have insisted that he came to bed at a reasonable time if that is what you wanted. It is too late to moan now. I am 31 weeks pregnant and can symapthise with the lack of sleep - why did'nt you have a lie in or go back to be this afternoon?