to feel a bit of a failure because my mum is sooo brilliant?

[spicemonster]

I'm a single parent. I work ft and my mum looks after my DS one day a week which is fantastic of her. She is brilliant with him and he absolutely adores her.

No problem there. The problem is (and it isn't really a problem) is that she doesn't just look after him. She does laundry, she does ironing. And sewing. And defrosting the freezer. And pruning and weeding. And clever things with socks. I tell her not to but she just breezily says 'oh well, I saw you needed it doing and I didn't have anything else to do while he was sleeping'

She makes me feel like I'm underperforming to be honest. I know she's doing it to be kind and helpful but when he has a nap, I'd really like her to put her feet up and watch Loose Women. But I suspect she's genetically incapable and I did not inherit that gene.

I am grateful. Really I am. Oh dear, this is probably coming across all wrong

She's doing all that because it's for one day a week. So she has lots of time in the rest of the week to rest if she needs to. You have the responsibility for your DS 24/7, so it's no wonder that you are more tired than her and less able to run around doing wonderful housework-type things.

Enjoy it!

mum she is a gem but you are the mama with 24/7 responsibility and right to watch dodgy telly

I know where you're coming from because my mum is the same, and I know that when I was a child, our house was a hundred times cleaner and more organised than mine is. I've even hidden my ironing mountain in my bedroom before now just so that my mum didn't do it while I was out! And I'm not ungrateful, I don't know how I'd manage without my parents descending every month or so and fixing / cleaning everything, but it does make me feel a failure.

I do think, however, that when it's your grandchild, or niece, or nephew or godchild, you're just calmer and less fraught about what the child is doing, how they're developing... more able to just get on with things in a methodical fashion.

I still want to know what she does with the socks!

The sock thing is that she never gets odd socks but I have discovered her secret - she puts them in that mesh bag I put bras in. It seems clever to me - it's never occurred to me to do that!

I'm so glad so many of you understand where I'm coming from - was worried I would come across as a spoiled brat.

SAHD here... My MIL is much the same.

She folds all the washing, tidies everything, even peels spuds (even if I wasn't actually going to cook any!) and keeps playing with my full-on DS.

FIL weeds the front garden and mows the grass at the back.

They are a force of nature and a very beneficial one. I've stopped feeling bad and now I look forward to it. I do try to insist they sit down at least once during the day.

My MIL is one of these. As I'm struggling to cope with the exhaustion bought on by fortnightly chemotherapy I am extremely grateful when she's around for everything she does.

She's definitely constitutionally incapable of just doing nothing, even when watching TV.

MM

She sounds lovely, to do all these things + not comment on your house generally.

When my dh + I went away for a long weekend a year or so ago, my parents looked after the dc's at my house. Lovely, but I came home to so many comments, about toys being always out in the living room, did I notice that she'd cleaned the bathroom windows + taken nets down to wash them, how often did I actually do it?!, she couldn't understand why some children's toys + clothes were in our bedroom, oh, she said she liked the dc's new quilt cover sets but they would look so much better ironed, (I had ironed them, they'd just slept in them for 3 nights!)

After being up late most nights that week cleaning + tidying because they were spending the weekend here, I was a bit !

I know they like to help, but you mum seems to do it in a nice way, Original Poster!

A agree with letting her do it. She probably really just wants to help you - its no different than what you would do for your child one day if you had to.

Good for your mum for offering such practical support.

BTW, my mum is like this, but she is in Canada, so rarely comes...but last time she was here I couldn't put ANYTHING in the ironing pile - she would whip the iron out and have all ironing done before I even realised she had done it.

I too wonder if I will be like that when I am older...I doubt it, as we are of a generation that has grown up with more leisure time.

I have an auntie like that,she pops in and hangs out my washing when I am at work, and does my gardening and even washes my wheelie bins, and she is 70. I know I will be like that for my dc, anything to make their lives easier. You are doing a great job, raising your dc on your own and working ft.Maybe buy her flowers from time to time or cook her a nice meal. Enjoy having a lovely mum.

Spicemonster - I fully understand where you're coming from. My mum is like this. When I started back at work part time she wanted a key so she could come in and clean up for an hour or so each day. In the nicest possible way I told her to get lost! I would have appreciated it, but dont want her to be my unpaid maid!! If she looks after DS than it is usually at her house, so she's not tempted to clean up here!!

my mum is EXACTLY the same, only difference is she DOES make me feel guilty. No matter how much housework etc I do, it's never enough or good enough. My mum would put Kim and Aggie to shame. Sigh. I don't know how she manages to look after dd for me and clean my house too, it's bloody hard work for me. dd loves her by the way lol