For not wanting my DS to babysit another child?

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My DS has found it quite difficult to make friends as he's gone up the school and this has only really been sorted in the last year or so when he and another boy made friends. He's a good kid, works hard, never a bad word to say about anyone.

However a new boy has started the school and since he started he has made a lot of enemies by walking around claiming to be "the cock of the school" (which apparantly means the toughest kid in the school). Because of this he has few friends.

Anyway I have just been to DS's parent evening and she told me she has decided to pair the boy up with DS from next week onwards "as DS's pleasant manner may hopefully rub off on him" plus its to ensure the other kid has "a friend".

I'm totally against this because IMO if this kid goes out of his way to be unpopular, this is going to have consequences for DS too if he's seen to be his friend.

Basically I don't want DS's friendships and schooling being affected for the benefit of another child. I want him to be left out of it.

DS doesn't want to do it either.

I do remember what it was like when DS had no friends and its not nice but am I being selfish in thinking now that DS is ok, I want him left that way?

If it's taken you a long time to get DS settled, and making friends, I think YANBU at all.

It would be lovely for the other child to have a friend, but not at the expense of your DS, who quite frankly, needs to come first with you.

YANBU Purely because your DS has only been sorted for a fairly short period of time. and also he doesn't want to do it.

BTW what would pairing them up consist of?

YANBU at all.

No. Your son shouldn't be forced to do something like that if he doesn't want to. Have a chat.

Perhaps the child can be put in a small group instead of with one person?

Although perhaps the child lacks confidence? Is he agressive or just gobby? Perhaps he is overcompensating and would actually become a nice friend?

Sitting next to each other in class (which would mean DS being distracted as this lad messes around constantly).
Sitting together at lunch time (which will make DS unpopular because none of the other kids want this lad sitting on their table as he messes with people's food) and playing together and playtime (again, DS's friends are going to dump him and play somewhere else if this happens).

No this is wrong. The resposibility for a child with problems like this should not be laid at the feet of only one child especially one who does not want to be involved.

We use something in our school called "Circle of friends" which is a little support group for the child in question which is set up from volunteers in the child's class. It's a really nice programme (not sure if it's available country wide or just in Essex where I work) The behaviour of one boy with serious behaviour/ frindship issues has improved dramatically.

No, it's too much to put on one child.

If they want to do this, they should spread it out, or get volunteers. They shouldn't use one child like this. The other boy clearly needs some input, but it is wrong of the teacher to try to use your son without considering the effect it will have on him.

He matters too, FFS.

My ds was put in a similar situation (the boy in question had been excluded, but was still doing online learning on the computer )

Anyway, my ds was asked to hang out with him at lunch and I reacted the same way you did, and I was totally prepared to go in and say.

BUT, it was only one day a week, and only lasted a few weeks, and my ds said that he was happy to do it, and he enjoyed the responsibility.

If my ds was unhappy, then I would have complained.

Yanbu

I had this with ds. It started in year 3 and followed him all the way through to secondary school. It came to a head last term when ds, yr 7, was encouraged to bunk school by this boy. That was the final straw and I saw the school and said I wanted them split up altogether. My ds's school work has suffered all through this time as this other lad constantly distracted him. I think ds himself was relieved when they were split up and he himself has gone from constant detentions to none and is trying really hard to fulfill the potential that he orginally had. I would definitely nip this in the bud and really wish that I had.

Well there is that risk, too.
Instead of "as DS's pleasant manner may hopefully rub off on him" it might be that this other boy's manner and attitude might rub off on your ds. Particularly if he becomes isolated from his current friends as you think might happen.

if your ds doesnt want to they cant force him can they? just get him to say "NO" to the teacher, with you there for back up if required

the crux of this is your ds does not want to do it.

neither you nor your son are in the last uinreasonable.

However I would praise your son for being asked!

There is a thingy called "Circle of Friends", where a student like this are spread between several (up to about 10 I think) students. That means a lot of peer support is in place for child, but no one is responsible for him.

It is usually used in primary schools, but it has been used in the secondary I work in.

My school would never link an awkward kid up with a pleasant one (especially one ho has struggled in the past) it's bizarre. I've been teaching 14 years and have never heard of this

Definitely contact teacher and say your ds doesn't want to do it