To gatecrash someone else's birthday celebrations?

[WhatsTheBloodyPoint]

Small group of 6 NCT group (but children now 5). Never my closest friends but I go along with whatever they organise most of the time.

One of them has a landmark birthday soon and wants to celebrate, we've all had to chip in £20 for a present (the figure has always seemed a bit high to me, but is usual for group presents for new arrivals etc, birthdays are not often celebrated), and as she can't do the weekend just before her birthday it's been brought forward another whole weekend, so the final date is 3 days after my birthday.

I now discover the chosen venue is a fairly posh/expensive restaurant that if I was going to spend the money on I'd rather spend it going out with DH with for my birthday.

So would I be unreasonable to say, great, as it's so close to my birthday I'll consider it a celebration for mine too?

I think it wouldn't be unreasonable to ask if she would ming if it was a joint celebration, as it coincides with your birthday.

Yes, I think so.
If you resent the group activities perhaps you should consider not subscribing any more. You sound like you don't really like these people or having to pay towards their expensive gifts.

It's her birthday do, not yours, would you want one of them to 'consider' your next landmark one as being for them too?

Yep, agree with bigTillyMint

I wouldn't go and say as it is so close to your birthday you want to go out with your family/husband.

Oh I don't know, up until the choice of restaurant I was happy with the whole thing, like them well enough, always nice to go out, it's just...

Doesn't sound like you really want to go anyway. Use the money to go out for dinner with your DH.

hmm - id say to one of them - im not sure i can make that day - its my birthday a couple of days later and i might be celebrating

if they leap in and say 'we must combine the two' - then great

if they dont it is probably because other friend is very keen on it being her special treat and you have your answer

why not do both - go out and celebrate your mates big birthday and go out the next weekend with your dh?

YABU - it's her landmark birthday, been arranged for her, not you. If you want to so something with them for your bday then arrange something else. If you don't actually want to do something with them for your birthday then don't. Also, don't feel obliged to go to this meal if you don't want to go for the purpose it's been made for.

Separate out the issues.

Don't get annoyed and do something passive aggressive. It won't make you happy!

do you reall need to ask? you don't even need the details of your post, just the thread title.of course yabu

I've never in my life attended any 'joint' celebration that has worked in terms of making people feel special.

I'd never share my birthday do with somebody else. It's my birthday, they can organise their own celebration.

I think you shouldn't go, it just sounds as if you don't really want to. Let them enjoy themselves.

Thanks everyone. Separating the issues is good advice.

I'm not that fussed about going, but I will because I've said I will and I'm not one for backing out, though I just feel slightly steamrollered. I think I'll just try to never mention the fact that my birthday was closer in time to the event than hers!

Certainly if it was a proper party I wouldn't think my birthday should be celebrated too.