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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or just overly sensitive and neurotic?

19 replies

alicecrail · 15/01/2009 16:27

My fil comes to see us about once every 2 wks (he is not local). He comes at about 8am for breakfast before heading off for the day to see other family/friends in the area, sometimes popping by on his way home about 6.45. He has started being a bit rude (i mean bad manners) when he comes, just little things that wind me up, talking over me, things like that.
I have started getting a bit paranoid and am under the impression he thinks i am lazy. Basically we have just had a load of building work done and the house is a bit of a tip, half our kitchen is still in our dining room etc. I have two horses to do every day and a 14mo dd who is into every thing, so am not at home much during the day. He does come at the worst possible time - when we are having breakfast, so not very awake, or just as we finish our supper and want to sit down for 10mins. The other day he kept asking me and dh stuff and whenever i answered he just talked over me so i got up and washed up dinner things, he then came into kitchen and said (really patronising) "well done, good job" I just wanted to scream, i know it sounds as though i am being a little precious but needed a good moan! Feel much better now!! Also, what do you think if i get ironing board out when he comes, would that make him think better of me? or perhaps darning dh's socks

OP posts:
lostinnappies · 15/01/2009 16:30

that would have pissed me off royally - how patronising - I would have flicked soapy water in his face and told him not to be so bloody cheeky.

defo get the ironing board out next time and hit him with it

Original poster
alicecrail · 15/01/2009 16:32

Its either that or go the other way, full trackie, fag hanging out of mouth waynetta style hehe

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BlueSapphire77 · 15/01/2009 16:38

I feel your pain..my mum has not long left my house and practically made a point of wiping her feet on the way out

In every other way she is THE best mum in the world but is a bit too.. well.. you would think i was five again ffs.. I'm surprised she didn't lick her thumb and rub it round my mouth SIGH

I stopped DP from being the same by saying "If you don't like it, YOU do it"

His mother is worse than mine so i know where he gets it from. Chill and IGNORE

Original poster
alicecrail · 15/01/2009 19:19

Thank you both so much, i was thinking i was being unreasonable!! I might just have to start on the wine a little earlier

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troutpout · 15/01/2009 19:36

No yanbu...he does sound little rude. Could he have been joking about the washing up do you think?

alphabetsoup · 15/01/2009 19:41

arriving at BREAKFAST time ? Good grief ! Unless you've invited him for poached egg on toast, that's way too early. Tell him to visit somebody else first, unless your dh is prepared to entertain him at that time of the day while you get on with what you have to do.

Original poster
alicecrail · 15/01/2009 19:43

You never know! It was just the last straw that day! This was after he had said to dd (14mo) "mummy is naughty not taking that melon off the skin for you isn't she?" I then tried to explain that she had eaten all of her(nicely cubed) melon and had stolen mine which i let her have as she is teething terribly and it was nice to chew on the cold skin, when he stood up and walked out the room!! I was gobsmaked and pissed off Didn't help that i had a urine infection and feeling a little under the weather anyway. To be honest i think he was just being male

OP posts:
jasper · 15/01/2009 20:42

Help! I thought when they made my dear dad they broke the mould but it appears there is a twin on the loose!

Ach, I love him really and have learned to put up with his incredibly annoying little ways. I hope you can do the same. Bit harder for you as it's your father IN LAW! Not sure I could be completely charitable to mine.

You have my sincerest sympathies.

PS it gets worse as he / your kids get older

Original poster
alicecrail · 15/01/2009 20:54

Haha. I do actually like him and thought we got on quite well thats why its pissed me off so much. Dh is only child and mil died shortly before dd was born, so its just fil and his dogs - nuff said

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Original poster
alicecrail · 15/01/2009 20:54

Haha. I do actually like him and thought we got on quite well thats why its pissed me off so much. Dh is only child and mil died shortly before dd was born, so its just fil and his dogs - nuff said

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ladymariner · 15/01/2009 20:57

Smile at him, make right noises, then ignore what he says and carry on as you are

starbear · 15/01/2009 21:03

Get him to do some chores. It will either make him happy that he's useful. It does annoy me that female members of the family roll up their sleeves and help while the men expect to be waited on. I've got to say unlike my BiL who was a star when my Ds was born. Sil put on rubber gloves and set to clean and sent him out with my shopping list to get stuff in. It can be done.

plj · 15/01/2009 21:07

Good advice ladymariner! Thats how I cope with MIL (nicknamed The Hun!!) I didn't come up with the nickname, but if the cap fits....!

Original poster
alicecrail · 15/01/2009 21:09

He came to stay the week we got married and he did all the washing up, I'm just paranoid because when he comes i always seem to be sitting on my ass and the house is looking a bit of a mess! I'm sure anyone who walked in may jump to same conclusions, but he knows why, and that is what gets me. Am feeling so much better after a good moan, i can't bear a grudge, but i can't really moan to dh about it, so thank you all for listening

OP posts:
BlueSapphire77 · 15/01/2009 21:16

Tell him if he misses being moaned at you'll help him out.. then start saying stuff like "Do the washing up for me there's a dear you lazy lump

Honestly, i would have said "You don't like it, roll up your sleeves and get your hands wet then"

He may be feeling lost and lonely and trying to just be helpful, we know how useless men are at communicating effectively without at least one foot in their gob.. he might be making veiled attempts at offers to interfere help, utilise him

Original poster
alicecrail · 15/01/2009 21:21

To be honest, that is kind of the impresson i get, but my god, i thought i was tactless

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ladymariner · 15/01/2009 21:39

Thanks plj, it gets me through

jasper · 16/01/2009 19:02

you sound like a really lovely daughter in law.

Original poster
alicecrail · 17/01/2009 12:30

Thanks jasper ( or was that sarcasm?) I think i am great, but not everyone agrees with me

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