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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with mil over measley offer of petrol money?

31 replies

Tabithacat · 15/01/2009 16:06

Hi,

New here, been lurking since before Christmas and only posted a few times.

Background is, me, DH and DDx3, mil and bil have been invited to a party. It is a fair way and we need to stay overnight in a hotel. Mil wants to go but won't go by herself as she would have to use public transport, so needs us to go. First off, I wasn't keen and told her that I would have to think about it with regards to what the DDs were doing, money situation, dog sitter availability etc. Mil says that if money is an issue, she will pay for hotel, petrol etc- didn't want to do this as don't want to be under obligation to her. DH wants to go so I have sorted all out and DD1 is staying at home because she doesn't want to go.

Bil says he is going but is unreliable.

Looking at cheap hotels, discovered that we could get a room for the four of us for £29 so rang Mil and said yes, we could go and we would pay for our room. She asked if I wanted a contribution for petrol and I said no, not to worry.

We have to take people carrier to get us all in (including bil if he comes) it will cost £70 - £80 in petrol.

Now, this is the bit that I am annoyed about - she then offered me £10 for petrol - if she hadn't offered anything I would have been fine, but £10? Also, I am well aware that I am annoyed about this simply because it is her! (We have had "issues" shall we say?) She does know how much petrol costs and she is paying for bil room and is not poorly off.

I just feel really annoyed - so AIBU?

OP posts:
DustyTv · 15/01/2009 16:54

lol tabitha, I could scream at my PIL a lot of the time (actually FIl is much, much worse than MIL) DH says he can see my appearance physically change when I see them pull up outside (DH does understand now, he didn't at first) I cant get upstairs quick enough lol.

nametaken · 15/01/2009 17:29

YABU - you didn't want any petrol money but you're insulted she offered you a tenner? I'll bet you're quite a difficult person to please.

You sound annoyed you have to take her.

Sidge · 15/01/2009 17:32

No, as far as the maths goes of course your children wouldn't pay their share but in effect your MIL would be 1/6 of the car 'population' so thus is probably thinking paying approximately 1/6 of the petrol costs is fair.

But the underlying issue here isn't the money it's the fact that your MIL drives you bonkers!

mayorquimby · 15/01/2009 17:37

"Although, (and this was never the issue) those who did the "maths" - would you consider it fair to pay the split for the petrol for two of the kids, who have to come like it or not? DH and me + 1 1/2 wage, bil = one wage and mil = one wage - kids = zero? Who thinks what about this?"

well yes would think it fair that you coer the cost of your kids.

"but then she wouldn't be able to complain about how her well off MIL is contributing nothing to the trip"

Not a fair comment Mayorquimby.

I genuinely don't want any money but was annoyed at the token amount she offered, if she had offered a big amount I would still have turned it down "

i think it is a fair comment as she did offer a large amount twice and you turned it down.then she offered a smaller amount and you complain that the amount isn't large enough. she did both and was still wrong.so i think it's clear that you would have complained about her actions regardless of what she did.
fair enough you may have issues with her that go far deeper than thi but in this isolated case yab-completely-u

mayorquimby · 15/01/2009 17:37

"Although, (and this was never the issue) those who did the "maths" - would you consider it fair to pay the split for the petrol for two of the kids, who have to come like it or not? DH and me + 1 1/2 wage, bil = one wage and mil = one wage - kids = zero? Who thinks what about this?"

well yes would think it fair that you coer the cost of your kids.

"but then she wouldn't be able to complain about how her well off MIL is contributing nothing to the trip"

Not a fair comment Mayorquimby.

I genuinely don't want any money but was annoyed at the token amount she offered, if she had offered a big amount I would still have turned it down "

i think it is a fair comment as she did offer a large amount twice and you turned it down.then she offered a smaller amount and you complain that the amount isn't large enough. she did both and was still wrong.so i think it's clear that you would have complained about her actions regardless of what she did.
fair enough you may have issues with her that go far deeper than thi but in this isolated case yab-completely-u

Original poster
Tabithacat · 15/01/2009 19:14

Thanks for all the replies.

Yes, ok IABU over this and probably alot of other things involving mil. Writing it down helped to see "the other side".

Nametaken - I am not generally a difficult person to please, normally I am quite laid back, but you are right, though it is not so much I don't want to take her as such, more that I don't want to spend that much time with her!

Dusty - I can't hide upstairs when she visits - DH wouldn't want to cope with her on his own and one of us has to go fetch her anyway! Normally we do one way each. I envy you being able to stay out of the way. She also doesn't realise that if it wasn't for me she wouldn't see DH or the DDs as he wouldn't bother making the effort. Whereas she thinks it is me keeping him away.

Again, thanks everyone for putting it in perspective.

OP posts:
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