I know I probably am, but dd's sleeping issues are affecting everyone, it seems!

[Pinkjenny]

I've posted loads of times about my relationship with my mum, and the fact that she looks after dd two days a week for me.

Now, as I've said a million times before, dd does not believe in sleep, and has co-slept with us since she was 4mo. However, my mum has always managed to get her to sleep during the day in her cot, and nursery manage to get her to sleep in a bed. Generally both without incident.

However, today dd decided that she didn't want to sleep in her cot, so my mum (understandably) brought her back downstairs after twenty minutes of screaming, and let her fall asleep on the sofa at 1.40pm. Now, we have learnt that anything more than an hour is too much sleep during the day (even with an hours' sleep we can't get her to sleep any earlier than 9pm), so I asked my mum at 3.00pm to wake her up. Which she did, and apparently dd was crying when she woke her up. (This also happened last week.)

My mum is now being very abrupt and curt with me, and is clearly upset that I am 'expecting' her to wake dd up, and having to deal with the crying when she does.

Which I also understand.

What the hell am I supposed to do??

Sorry hadn't seen you message before I sent another. Maybe it's three generations of strong willed women then?

Ha ha, that might be it!

Pinkjenny, sleep and a lack of it has always been my number one priority so I know how all consuming it is.

It really is. I somehow seem powerless to resolve it though!

I had this on the one or two occasions the inlaws looked after my dd a year. My mother still lets my 7 year old sleep if she has her for a few hours (and she is a nightmare sleeper and always has been). I have concluded that the grandparents do it for their own sanity and for a break as looking after a child is so wearing for them but they dont want to admit it. It will be over soon so personally I think you should let your mum have as long a break in the day as she wants and suffer the late nights. She is doing you a massive favour that some of us never get so it does seem a minor inconvenience for you to have a later evening.

Sounds fair enough frogwatcher.

My dd gave up her regular nap at 20 months - it's fairly unusual to do it so early but not spectacularly so.

Ds was still sleeping most afternoons at over 3 (but don't get me started on his night-time sleeping since then!)

The other thing is with ds, he had to be woken up quite often and from a young age, simply so I could collect dd from playgroup and then school - they do get used to it even though you may dread having to do it (I know I did) - and they do adjust eventually.

Sorry, haven't got any advice just wanted to let you know my experience.

I hope I didnt sound harsh as it wasnt intended that way. I had typed a really nice reply and the cat sat on the keyboard and deleted it so I typed a shorter version!

My 21 month old DS has decided in the last week that he doesn't want to nap every day, and as a result is only having naps every second day. He wakes up at 7.30 as well, but does go down between 7.00 - 7.30 pm usually.

Maybe you should try this instead?

Thought I'd come back, as your Mum is not following a routine and that's why your dd is unsettled then it's up to your Mum to folow the routine. I had read that she wasn't putting her to bed because oif tears not that she was putting her down too late and therefore it's your Mum's fault.

I agree with the earlier advice about waking her up on your days off. If they've gone to bed late it's tempting to let them lie-in but for a poor sleeper like this you need to wake them at 7am and establish a routine that will be followed each day. Presuming nursery sleep us about 12.30 ish then your day should go something like;

wake at 7-7.30am

a tiring activity pre lunch - park/swimming/toddler group

12.30ish sleep - hopefully 1½ - 2 hours

7pm start bedtime routine - make it the same routine everyday.

8pm - hopefully asleep by now.

If you let her lie in she will push the schedule by an hour or two and won't go to bed til late and it will put her out of kilter for the next day as she has not had enough night time sleep.