to feel my grandmother is taking the p***?

[nickschick]

Long story greatly condensed - firstly my nan although getting on in years is completely 'with it',shes quite wealthy and only ever wants to talk about money and her will,i refuse to discuss this i dont call her to discuss money i call her to see how she is etc.

a few years ago she sent me several letters saying i was always a 'naughty' girl (examples being that i didnt always put my clothes in the laundry bin - bearing in mind my mum was terminally ill and i was 10) id been a naughty baby - always thirsty and this upset me dh suggested cutting down on contact with her s it was upsetting me so this i did letters dwindled and fone calls too,until about 6 years ago when she suddenly upped her interest in me and began foning more and writing more....this has been ok but im used to a weekly hour long moan about her money etc i take it shes getting old etc and just agree etc etc.

on her birthday i sent her a pink cardi and she told me off for sending her a gift and for using first class post - fot the last few xmas and birthdays shes sent our children £5 each ...they write and thank her last year she told me off saying not to bother the thankyou on the fone was enough and i must have money to burn on postage....

so this year she sent the usual all the children thanked her and chatted with her for ages (they youngest 2 havent met her she lives quite far away and we cant stop with her and her days are busy to see us) she refers to my children with insulting names eldest ds wears braces she says him with the teeth!! middle one has m.e she calls him the leukamia kid despite me continully telling her its not leukamia she says shes never wrong and i can bet it will be ....and our youngest is home schooled she calls him the mummy boy.......(my kids dont know this)

well she has just asked me when the thankyou letters will arrive ?????

i told her shed told me not to bother and she said well i think it would be nice if you did!!!!

its jan 15th our thanyou letters were done before new years eldest ds is off school with ear infection nd hes said hed rather not have the £5 if she wants to play games like this .

aibu not to make my boys write these? and for thinking my nan is playing games??

She's an elderly lady who just wants the contact probably.

mayeb she is a little emotionally stunted and being mean is the only way she knows.

i think she must care for you in her own odd way or else why make such effort to keep in contact.

I would write them, and continue to write and send whatever gifts despite her protestations. Maybe she just likes something to comment on, but secretly loves the thankyou letters etc..

Quite old, a bit unreasonable, a bit odd. BUT your Grandma, and I would send her a thank you card.

I send thank you cards to all my parents generation and up. I feel sloppy sending emails or messages on facebook to 'my' generation and younger.

I think she's both lonely and proud - doesn't want to actually come out and admit that she needs to have contact with you, or that you're lovely and she loves you and your family (some people of that generation think it's immoral to say nice things because it makes you vain). If you can keep that in mind and put up with her crankiness and silliness, it would be a kind thing to do (and somehow when you know why someone's being a PITA it's sometimes easier to put up with.)

Why don't you send a joint letter from them all and include an up-to-date photo of them.

As someone else said, she could be lonely and spends all day thinking about things.

your all ever so nice and really just reinforced what i knew was the 'right' thing to do,thanks .

nickschick My Grandma was like this she was bonkers in fact but was senile and we just dealt with it. My very over weight sister use to get lots of horrible comments thrown at her when she was a child.

I would send her a Thankyou card and be done with it.

she sounds hilarious. bonkers, clearly, and enough to drive you round the bend, but hilarious.
just say ok nana, and get the kids to do it.
oh, and old people quite often pull the 'no, no dear, don't do that , it's too much bother' and then whinge when you don't do it, so i'd probably have got them to do a thank you card anyway.
still having a little chuckle about 'him with the teeth' though, dd2 has cp and although we haven't had 'the spastic' we've had a lot of 'that poor child', when tbh she's anything but...
when i'm old my kids are going to have the same conversations lol.
it's that 'i'm going to wear purple, with a red hat' thing. and keep a man in the shed at the bottom of the garden for emergencies.

She sounds like that awful woman on the Catherine Tate show.

Just do whatever you think is the right thing and ignore her.

As madwoman says, i really would just humour her.
Especially as she is very wealthy