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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to give up my Thursdays ...

27 replies

ComeWhineWithMe · 12/01/2009 09:02

DD4 starts nursery on Wednesday ,she will be there half a day then all day Thurs and Fri.

This will be the first time in I don't know how long I will have anytime just for me and it will be until May and then I will have a newborn I am really looking forward to just sleeping been able to potter around ,have a bath alone go to the library and actually look for a book instead of a snatch and run just do some things alone .

I am not selfish I do everything all the time for people especially my Mum who thinks I am at her beck and call I can't say no when someone asks for a favour but this time I am determined to .

She wants me to take my Grandma supermarket shopping with her every Thursday I have been loads of times before dragging dd with me and it takes up the full morning ,then i just know that Mum will except me to go and do things at her house like sort out her computer ,fill out her forms etc etc .

She moans because she works but she has Thursdays ,mondays ,and Sundays off plus she could ask my lazyarse brother to go with her who is 18 and stays in bed all day ,I told her yesterday but she thinks I am joking ,I'm not been evil am I ??? This is coming from a woman who has never been alone for ages am I cruel to want two days a week to myself ?

OP posts:

CandleQueen · 12/01/2009 09:05

Not cruel. You will really appreciate having had this time to yourself when Baby comes along in May (Congratulations BTW!)
Give your brother a strong talking to!

bubblagirl · 12/01/2009 09:05

make your excuses on thursday you need to do this and that for pre school run you errands etc

dont feel guilty you have to have time for yourself too just say you cant as have already planned your thursdays due to dd being at nursery she may be bit disappointed but you have the right to say no

bellavita · 12/01/2009 09:07

Of course you are not being selfish or evil.

This would seriously pee me off if I were you.

I am sorry, but your brother is going to have to get his arse in gear.

I know it is easy for me to say, but can you not tell her you have other plans that have already been made for Thursdays ie. you have joined a club for new mummies or something?

By the way, my mother still treats me as if I am 12 and not 43 and I am not really allowed to have my own opinion - but that is a whole new other thread.

BlameItOnTheBogey · 12/01/2009 09:07

YANBU at all. Although maybe you could join them e.g. once a month to show willing.

Original poster

ComeWhineWithMe · 12/01/2009 09:20

Thanks all . She still tries to treat me like a child to but I think I may be rebelling 15 years too late .

My brother is just a lazy swine no point in talking to him he is a total pita ,he shouted at my mum yday taht no way would he eat any of that meat and veg shit !!!So she ran round morrisons buying him ready meals and pasta !!!!! If that had been me and my sisters she would have just refused to cook for us but she has a blind spot when it comes to him.

She will be mortally offended when she realises I am been serious but ho hum I am past caring ,If I don't take some time out I think I may lose the plot soon.

OP posts:

OhYouBadBadKitten · 12/01/2009 09:21

Don't make excuses. It is a very reasonable and adult thing to say "I'm sorry, I have set aside thursdays to be my catch-up day." and if you do have another time you can do it you can offer "I can help at so and so time".

Don't worry about her reaction to it - it is your right to say those things and you are not being unreasonable.

Original poster

ComeWhineWithMe · 12/01/2009 09:24

I am not going to make excuses I intend to tell everyone to leave me alone between the hours of 9 and 3 on Thursdays .

They will think I am been hormonal but I am trying out something called been assertive .

OP posts:

OhYouBadBadKitten · 12/01/2009 09:28

Cool - well done, they will get used to it and you will feel empowered.

OhBling · 12/01/2009 09:31

Good work! We could probably all take lessons.

I was very impressed with my brother's extremely calm, polite but firm tone with my mum a couple of weeks ago when she basically tried to unload her entire week's chores on him. I'm still trying to emulate him!

LucyEllensmummy · 12/01/2009 10:27

Fecking Go girl!!! You make the most of that time - does she really NEED you to go with her and your grand dad shopping? Good luck with your lazy arse brother though, but if he is like that, your mum only has herself to blame for that. I HATE that it is the women in the family who are expected to run around after people.

What annoys me most is the assumption that you will do stuff and the whole passive aggressive way of asking, talking about my mother here. They can just pull a guilt trip can't they.

LoveBeingAMummy · 12/01/2009 12:27

Defo need the time to yourslef don't feel bad!

SilentTerror · 12/01/2009 12:36

YANBU.
My youngest DD just started preschool and goes all day thursday.
I have announced to all that that is my day.
I have quick coffee with friend after drop off,then come home,read paper,MN,take a book to bed,sleep.
I t is wonderful

pamelat · 12/01/2009 12:38

Don't do the shopping. Being pregnant you need and deserve (5th child?!) the rest.

Would your bother do it if you had a word with him?

Original poster

ComeWhineWithMe · 12/01/2009 12:46

Thanks all ! Its my 6th dc .

OP posts:

pamelat · 12/01/2009 12:51

You definately deserve a rest!

ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 12/01/2009 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bellavita · 12/01/2009 13:36

6th

How on earth do you cope? My two DS's 11.7 & 9 are enough to deal with.

hifi · 12/01/2009 13:52

omg 5? get the rest, they must think you are super human.

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/01/2009 14:29

every thur is a bit much, but i would offer to do once a month on a wed

that way you can enjoy your day of peace (much needed) and then help out with shopping, and then have a good reason to escape to pick dd4

LucyEllensmummy · 12/01/2009 15:41

O-M-G!!! you have FIVE children and another on the way, and your mother expects you to help her out? Tell her to hire some help with her father if she needs it - she is taking the piss

pamelat · 12/01/2009 16:50

5 is amazing isn't it.

oldraver · 12/01/2009 16:50

Why does she need you to go when she is off Thursday anyhow ??

Mooseheart · 12/01/2009 16:55

YANBU AT ALL!!! You're pregnant FGS! With five, nearly six children you need all the rest you can get.

Your lazyarse brother should be the one helping out here. I'm sure your mum was perfectly capable of charging round Morrisons on her own that time...

Good luck with the sixth! Are you planning any more??!

Original poster

ComeWhineWithMe · 12/01/2009 18:08

{grin] No I am not planning anymore dp is been sent off for the snip asap.

My mum is very needy and also a control freak unfortunatly I have always let her sort of boss me about ,but it was one of my NY resolutions to stand up for myself more .

My sisters wont take it from her but she knows I am a soft touch even my Dad told her the other day because she wanted me to fill in her 2009 diary ok ok she has dyslexia but she has me writing blogs ,sorting out her online shops (which she wont consider for my grandma) and she rings constantly on her days off for me to spell things I actually felt ill when my other sister set her a facebook up .
I have set her a spell check up ,she knows how to use it she just likes to make herself more needy than she actually is .

The thing is I never ever ask for anything from anyone my dc my responsibility but sometimes it would be nice for her to offer to have them over for tea without me been there or one of them to sleepover and she has a car (I don't) but she fylly expects me to walk up in the rain to see her rather than her pop down and this is the woman who I don't even consider asking anymore if she will pick up my dc from school if I have an appt because she moans and whines but will pick up her best friends ds who is in the same class as my DD!
She once knew I had been up all night with ds (earache) but said she couldn't take my dc to school so I could get to the gp ealy for drop in ,I walked in to the gp's and she was sat there with one of her friends dc because her friend had gone to work .

Ohhh sorrry this has gone a bit ranty .

OP posts:

Original poster

ComeWhineWithMe · 12/01/2009 18:09

Sorry for all typos ,wriggly toddler .

OP posts:

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