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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not apply for this job

18 replies

Stefka · 09/01/2009 19:47

I am currently a SAHM with DS who is 1. I have been looking for part time work but with no success so far although I did manage to get a few days before Christmas. A full time local job has come up and everyone thinks I should go for it. I don't want to because I really don't want to be away from DS five days a week.

My DH wants me to apply. He is currently studying part time and is worried that he won't get a job at the end of his course and that we might struggle with money as a result. Others have rightly pointed out that in the current financial situation I can't really afford to be fussy and I should go for whatever I can.

I can see the logic but at the same time the thought of being away from DS all that time makes me feel ill. I have every respect for those who go back to work full time (no idea how people cope!) I just didn't want to do that myself. I want to raise my son and I don't want him in child care full time.

Someone called tonight to offer me some temporary work to cover someone who is sick. No idea how long it will be for but at least I am getting bits and pieces and keeping my hand in and it is only a couple of days a week which I am more comfortable with.

My worry is that I am not being fair on DH to expect him to carry all the financial burden. He said I don't have to apply but I am worried he will resent me for it and that I am not really being fair to him.

Part of me thinks I need to just hold tight and hope that a part time job will come along and that hope that I can temp in the mean time so that I can be with DS. Another part of me is worried that I just need to get over myself and get my arse out and bring some money in and get some financial security for us all.

OP posts:

choufleur · 09/01/2009 19:50

have you thought about phoning the company advertising to see if they would consider less than full time hours or a job-share?

PaddingtonBore · 09/01/2009 19:52

Agree with choufleur. I was interviewed for 2 full-time posts in the last year, and was offered both at 3 days/week. In each case I discussed my wish to work pt at the end of the interview, so they had seen that I was a good candidate, but equally they could offer the job to someone else were part-time working not feasible.

tengreenbottles · 09/01/2009 19:54

I think its all about what your priorities are ? do you and you dh mind being poor for a relatively short while ? if not then do what you feel is right for you and your son and husband. If you dont want to give up any luxuries like holidays then you may find you need to work longer than you want to. Have you checked out all the benifits you might be entitled to ? Good luck though ,its a tough descion to make

PaddingtonBore · 09/01/2009 19:55

ps I don't think you're being unreasonable, BTW. Since being offered the posts, I have relocated, and am now a SAHM as it's taken a while to find part-time work. DH does worry about money, but I personally am not comfortable with both of us working full-time while DD is young.

twentypence · 09/01/2009 19:56

Apply for it and then ask at the interview about part-time. You haven't exactly done a Spud in Trainspotting, but you have attempted to make the job work for you.

Original poster

Stefka · 09/01/2009 19:58

I don't mind being poor at all. Well obviously I would rather not be but it is fine - being with my boy is more importnat. I think DH is just a bit stressed with the way things are right now. I need to talk to him again.

I hadn't thought about asking for job share. It's a teaching job so not sure how they will feel about that but there is only one way to find out!

I feel quite strongly that it is the right thing to be at home with DS. But at the same time I don't want to be totally selfish - I can't just have my own way if you know what I mean! I think full time would make me deeply unhappy though.

Some say I should get the job then get pregnant and then I can request part time but this feels kind of unfair on the employers and still means a big chunk of time with DS in full time care. Also I can't be sure I will get pregnant again just like that.

OP posts:

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 09/01/2009 20:01

Apply and be upfront at the (end of) the interview with regard to job share or pt.

They may then keep you in mind if something else came up...

And even if they offered you the job there is no obligation to accept!

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 09/01/2009 20:01

FWIW we are poor and I am a SAHM too so I klnow where you're coming from!

chegirl · 09/01/2009 20:05

No of course yanbu!

I had to leave my DD1 at 6mths to go back to work full time and it was awful.

Since having my DS1 15 years ago I have worked part time and I dont feel we have suffered financially to much. I have to admit to having pretty low expectations moneywise though LOL.

I am about to go back to work after having DS3. He is a year old but I will be working 10hrs a week and this feels fine specially as my OH will be having him (he works evenings) and its a job I am really excited about.

I dont know what kind of work you do but I found this job through jobsgopublic.com and I also subscribed to nhs jobs direct. The public sector tends to have a lot of part time work.

Good luck

frogwatcher · 09/01/2009 20:14

Is your dH working full time and studying? If so, he could stay in his current job whilst searching for a new one in his chosen career and you would be financially stable. Or have I missed the point??

noonki · 09/01/2009 20:24

Can your DH do some of the childcare (mine does a day a week when I work p/t)

thus saving on childcare costs and also your DH gets all the benefits of looking after child on his own.

If you don't want to work full time don't. Think up other ways to save money.

They grow up so fast and before you know it they will be at school.

violethill · 09/01/2009 20:32

I firmly believe that the starting point is acknowledging that you and your DH are both equal as parents and equal in terms of having responsibility for supporting the family. Once you accept that as the basis for discussion, then I think you're halfway to sorting out the finer detail.

It's about being fair to everyone in the family. Your DH has as much right to do the childcare as you do, and you have as much responsibility to keep the family solvent - most of us these days don't see it as polarised roles. And your DS may well thrive in nursery for some of the week too! Have a look at everyone's wants and needs rather than just your own.

TWINSETinapeartree · 09/01/2009 20:34

I was a SAHM until dd was four so do understand but it is also a difficult financial climate. If you worked could dh stay at home? Maybe it would be nice for DH to have time with your son

Original poster

Stefka · 09/01/2009 20:39

That is what I am trying to do. I am happy if DH wants to do some childcare, he hasn't said he wants to. He wants to make money, he wants to work. He is working self employed right now and is ok with the work but is hoping to get a job related to his studies once they are done.

I am happy to work, just don't want to be full time. I would love it if we could both work part time and do the childcare part time - that would be ideal. That might be a bit of a dream though.

I need to sit down with DH I think and chat about it fully. We had previously decided that full time wasn't appropriate for me right now but he seems to have different thoughts now.

OP posts:

TWINSETinapeartree · 09/01/2009 20:42

Good luck with your decision.

cascade · 09/01/2009 20:43

im a teacher and I applied for a full time position this time last year ( I was the only candidate) I asked for part time hours at interview stage and they accepted. This time of year they will not be many candidates that can start work now, if they are already employed at a school. I had resigned from previous post when pregnant as we decided to move north, so I could start immediately. I would apply then ask for part time at the interview.

cazboldy · 09/01/2009 20:48

would you really be better of anyway after forking out for childcare, loss of any tax credits, etc?

Original poster

Stefka · 09/01/2009 21:25

Just spoke to DH on the phone and he told me not to worry about it now! He said if we can survive until he finishes this course then we will be ok but he is a bit worried about this period. The temp job just came in today so it's perfect timing in a way. I will talk to him again properly when he is home to make sure he is really happy with that.

I will also check the job share/part time thing - that would be amazing if they would consider that!

OP posts:

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