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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be miffed at MIL that she asked us to take back xmas present?

17 replies

puddinghead · 09/01/2009 15:16

OK, this has been niggling me so I'll get it off my chest......
Dh came home yesterday, having called into his mums at lunch time. He said 'oh, mum asked if we could take her present back as she said she wouldn't use it'.
I was quite miffed, if actually a bit offended. It wasn't as if it was any old present, we picked it thinking it was appropriate etc and that she would like it. (It is a cook book stand, a nice one with space for storing cut out recipes which she does a lot).

Was she a bit rude/tactless? If it were me, and I really didn't want the present, I don't think I would have said to the giver 'I won't use it', I might have asked discreetly where they got it and exchanged it myself.

Am I right to feel miffed or am I being overly sensitive? (it comes on top of a few other MIL niggles of late).

OP posts:

Tillyscoutsmum · 09/01/2009 15:19

Errrm - tough one. I personally wouldn't tell someone I didn't like their present but that has meant that about a third of my presents have been consigned to the bin/charity shop pile so it was a real waste of money. I think some of the givers would have much preferred me to tell them and get something I wanted, but I'm just not the sort of person to say anything

On the other hand, I always keep receipts of gifts I've bought and would prefer someone to have something they wanted than waste the present.

MadMarg · 09/01/2009 15:19

Not very tactful perhaps, but how could you be subtle with a present like this? It would be really obvious the minute you walked into her kitchen that she didn't use it.

nametaken · 09/01/2009 15:21

I don't think I'd ever be rude enough to ask someone to take a gift back. Even if it was a cook book stand

Next xmas

Ask MIL to give you 3 or 4 ideas of what she would like for xmas.
Buy one of them.

beanieb · 09/01/2009 15:22

I think it would be ruder to secretly change it and then not mention it. At least she feels comfortable enough to say something. I think YABU to take it so much to heart.

Original poster

puddinghead · 09/01/2009 15:22

I suppose so. It's probably the way she did it, ie. waiting till dh went round - oh by the way, while you're here take this back would you.....

OP posts:

Original poster

puddinghead · 09/01/2009 15:24

Anyway, I'm going to give her back the boring bedding set she gave us to take back .... we'll be quits then!

OP posts:

LEMONDR0P · 09/01/2009 15:24

Next year buy her a charity gift. Tell her you were thinking about her, and what happened with the cook-book stand, and you decided to send a cow to Africa.

Original poster

puddinghead · 09/01/2009 15:26

Yes nametaken, dh never asks his mum what she wants - that will be his department next xmas.

Are you being cheeky at the cook book stand? I would have liked it had it been given to me!

OP posts:

nametaken · 09/01/2009 15:29

just teasing!!!

Nekabu · 09/01/2009 15:34

He said 'oh, mum asked if we could take her present back as she said she wouldn't use it'.

She may have said it more tactfully like that and your dh gave you the shortened/edited Bloke's Version! Ask her what she wants next year. I'd always rather someone changed a pressy I had given to them if they didn't like it and, if I'm getting something I'm not fairly sure they'll like or have asked for, I enclose the receipt in with the pressy in a sealed envelope with 'Receipt' written on it so they can take it back themselves.

piscesmoon · 09/01/2009 15:38

It wasn't very tactful-but it was sensible!

Spidermama · 09/01/2009 15:41

Her other option would be to pretend to like it because presumably you'd notice its absence when visiting.

I think she's very sensible and you're being a bit over sensitive.

That said I can understand the dissapointment that she doesn't like a gift which was so well thought out on your part. I'm crap at presents to I get this all the time. Try not to take it personally.

higgle · 09/01/2009 15:44

My mother in law was worse. DH took her lots of nice Christmas food, little puddings, chocolates, mince pies cranberry fudge etc. She then sent it back to us saying she didn't want it on 3 january - just as we hd eaten all our stuff and were back on our diets.

WowOoo · 09/01/2009 15:47

Ooh cheeky, but kind of understandable.

Vouchers from a shop she def likes next time.

Original poster

puddinghead · 09/01/2009 16:25

You're right, I am being a tad sensitive, and that is on top of some other MIL stuff she is being annoying about! Hey ho, next Christmas she can darn well provide us a copy of her letter to santa!

OP posts:

georgiemum · 09/01/2009 16:26

I would keep it and give it back to her next christmas.

bellavita · 09/01/2009 16:31

Get DH to go and get and then give it to me

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