To be cross with DH??

[Alibear1]

Yesterday I had cluster-feeding day from hell, so I retired to bed with DS (5.5 mo)at about 8:30pm to sit it out and let my nipples be worn down to nubs in comfort. DH came up about half an hour later and said 'I've cleared up downstairs and turned everything off for the night'

So far so good, DS eventually went to sleep at about midnight and only woke twice in the night, and I had a good night's sleep in the happy knowledge that I could have a bit of a lie in to catch up on some sleep because there was no mess to clear up downstairs.

I went down at about 10am to make some breakfast (DH did bring me a cup of tea before he went to work as he does every morning - don't want to paint him as all bad!!) and was greeted by a kitchen in chaos! All the pans were still on the hob from when I cooked dinner, and the dishes were stacked on the worktop above the dishwasher which is empty ready for dirty stuff - he hadn't even thrown the yoghurt pots from pudding in the rubbish bin!! In addition, his cup and plate from his breakfast are still sat on the dining room table and the jeans and shoes he was wearing yesterday evening are on the sofa and floor of the living room.

Am I unreasonable to be sat here furious, but also genuinely confused at what on earth he thinks 'clearing up downstairs' covers? As far as I can work out it only involved moving the dinner plates from the table into the kitchen - argghhhhh.
We have friends arriving tonight for the weekend and he knows that DS is being a nightmare this week, he either wants to be eating or just cuddled so trying to get anything done is near to impossible.

Rant rant rant! I do feed a bit better now, but AIBU??

argh - too angry to spell - that should be feel better!

Does he often clear up downstairs? TBH I would have checked what he meant.
But YANBU at all!

Sounds like my dh, yanbu everyday it happens in my house come home from work to be greeted by the chaos!!!

I went round to my sister?s house to find a pair of bloke?s trainers in the middle of her immaculate lounge. I asked her why her DH?s footie boots were there and she said they had been left for several days. She was waiting to see if he got the message. No chance. He could not see them. Not sure how it resolved but would not be suprised if he only picked them up a week later to go to the next team practise!

YANBU - I would be angry too.

No you are definately NBU!!!!

Actually DH was like that up until DC4 and suddenly turned into 'superman' Sometimes I think that they really think they've helped and are quite dissapointed when the truth hits them!

I'm so glad I'm not - wenceslas I realise my error now in not having checked what he actually meant

mrsdisorganised you are so right. If I raise this with him when he gets home from work then he will look so crestfallen.

I have tried praising him when he gets things right to encourage him to do it more (god it makes him sound like a kid but you know what I mean) but then you get into that whole thing of why should I thank him for loading his own dishwasher and putting his clothes away?? I'm on mat leave at the moment so I do all the cleaning, laundry, shopping and we share the cooking but if he doesn't get his act together when I go back to work in 6 months then we are going to have some almighty rows!

YANBU but tbh I would have asked him what clearing up he'd actually done

I would have rung him and asked what he had meant by cleaning up? Then I'd have taken pics of the state of the place then I'd clean it as best I could before the guests come.

The next time he comes home and moans you haven't done anything get the pics out and say at least I haven't claimed I've cleaned up when I havent because I've been too busy with the baby!

Have to say though one night of mess won't hurt it sounds like you needed the rest more!

The guests will understand why its not clean and tidy and if they don't then they won't mind helping

Oh dear your DH seems to be afraid of the dishwasher much like my DH is.

This is the only reason I can guess why it seems he won't open that big scary door and put the dirty dishes inside on the scary racks!

Bloody frustrating isn't it?

I can offer no advice. Whenever I ask DH about this he gets all huffy.

I hope your DS settles down soon. I know what it is like to spend your days and evenings topless feeding a greedy little baby boy.

Thankfully my DS is now 12mo feeding only 2-3 times a day and sleeping thru...

'I've cleared up downstairs"

The important word there was 'cleared'. That means shifted stuff around a bit.

superloopy, i think my dh must be a bigamist and is also married to you!

I work 24 hours and do everything in the house. I am increasing my hours to 32 in the near future, so I am going to have to get tough.

But (and sorry to sound sexist here) they never do the cleaning as good as us!!

Can you not clear it up / put it back as it was when you found it this morning? Then get him to cook dinner and then he can see it when he gets back from work and tries to use the kitchen....