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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

genuinely confused

17 replies

runnerswife · 08/01/2009 23:55

Dh is training for a marathon...

90 minutes on one weekend morning a week for 3 and half months building to 3 hours
except when he goes on holiday with his mates for a week
(and he is angling for another weekend away with his mates but no chance on that one)

once a week he goes to college straight after work to do an adults education course

am I being unreasonable at being pissed off doing all the childcare for all these events with no help from him (we have a baby and toddler and I am on mat leave at the moment with them at home)

I think his "me time" is getting unreasonable especially as I am only ever presented with the fait accompli and no discussion (well there was a little discussion about the holiday)

he says I can do anything I want in return but I already have 10 evenings "stored" from last terms course that I have no use for...no need how sad is that

so how would you feel?
I feel like hiding the vaseline (for the joggers nipple)

OP posts:
mysterymoniker · 08/01/2009 23:57

I'd feel like coming up with ways to spend my free time - what would you like to do?

GivePeasAChance · 08/01/2009 23:57

Call your girlfriends and plan an outing immediately !

ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 09/01/2009 00:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ninedragons · 09/01/2009 00:10

I wouldn't have a problem with the course, the training I'd expect the exact time commitment to be discussed with me, and the holiday I'd veto.

You need to use some of your banked credits even if it's just to go to the cinema on your own, otherwise he will point out that you seem to have no need for "me" time yourself.

solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain · 09/01/2009 00:31

Yup, find yourself something interesting to do. If you've got 'me time' on offer, take it before he decided that you don't need it and are in fact just a woman domestic appliance which can be ignored.

redskyatnight · 09/01/2009 09:13

I agree he should discuss committments with you before making them.

tbh I actually don't think that he is really doing that much. I think a one day a week course is reasonable - why not do a course yourself on another night?

As for the marathon training, unless he is a really committed runner it is only for 3 months ... and the first month of that only about 1/1.5 hours. Suggest you discuss the timing of these with him - I'm a runner myself and I do long runs on Sunday morning after DH has had a lie in - perhaps something similar would work?

I suspect the issue isn't so much that your DH is doing loads of things but that you feel a little bit isolated spending so much time on your own with a baby and toddler - I know I was totally the same when mine were this age, but it really is worth trying to get out, even if just out with the girls occasionally.

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 09/01/2009 09:19

DH is training for the London Marathon and is doing a 45 minute run 3 times a week, an hour at weekends (this will build up to 2 hours over time). However, he is very good. He comes home to do bath and bed for DS (I'm pregnant BTW) and then has dinner and then goes out. At weekends he does it when DS is napping so as to minimise the impact on me. He also keeps other leisure time stuff to a minimum (mainly as he doesn't want to be boozing loads when in training). Plus I know it'll be over by the end of April and he's wanted to run the Marathon since he was a boy.

I think you need to book in some time for you. I also agree that he needs to discuss commitments with you before making them. Have you had a chat about how you feel?

Lauriefairycake · 09/01/2009 09:20

Yes do a course, go to the pictures on your own, do a keep fit class.

Also consider 'me' time at home - have a lovely bath, read a book in your room/watch a chick flick - don't help at all.

I don't think anyone should have to ask to have hobbies and I would feel delighted if dh was training for a marathon - he's a runner too but only gets out once a week as his work is so busy.

MummyDoIt · 09/01/2009 09:24

Me time doesn't have to mean going out. Sunday afternoon was always my 'me' time and I'd go up to the spare room and do one of my craft hobbies or just watch a DVD or read a book. Or take a long bath. Doesn't matter what you do just so long as you're happy!

MrsBadger · 09/01/2009 09:25

agree you need to do something regular for you to redress the balance a bit
even if it's just going to the library on the day it's open late, or, as one of my friends did when the dc were that age, taking the newspaper to a cafe and leaving dh to do bathtime one night a week

join a choir? do yoga?

mayorquimby · 09/01/2009 11:18

"he says I can do anything I want in return but I already have 10 evenings "stored" from last terms course that I have no use for...no need how sad is that"

this sentence makes me think YABU a bit. i'd completely agree with you if he was taking time to himself but not expecting you to get any in return. but he's not.we all need our "me time" and he is using up his but promising you some in return. the fact that you are not using the time he is in theoy happy for you to take to yourself is not his fault.

so get yourself organised, and enjoy it. even if it's a case of leaving him down stairs to mind the kids and you go up for a dvd with a strict no interruption policy.

seeker · 09/01/2009 11:23

I think you are being unreasonable if you have the opportunity to do stuff too and you don't! Do you expect him not to do his things becasue you can't think of anything to do yourself? That is, I'm afraid, very U!

Bubbaluv · 09/01/2009 11:23

Sounds like an airline giving out frequent flyer miles which you can never use to book anything when you want to fly somewhere.

Bubbaluv · 09/01/2009 11:24

Of course, it you can use the frequent flyer miles but you don't bother going on holidays then you've got no one else to blame.

TheCrackFox · 09/01/2009 11:36

Why not go and stay with a friend for a couple of nights. Soemthing cheap and cheerful.

His "me-time" is getting a bit out of hand but he might think a bit more about it if you start matching him.

Even mooching around the shops (not buying anything) to get you out of the house would be a start.

Bubbaluv · 09/01/2009 12:40

Book yourself in for a facial once a week.

Original poster
runnerswife · 09/01/2009 21:42

Hi there
Thanks for all your replies.

The reason I haven't used up all last term's credits is because I was feeding on demand and too exhausted to express so I could escape!

Also, he always seemed to "flap" a bit if I decided to go anywhere. Like playgroup committee

I think I do feel a bit like a domestic appliance.

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