honest required please.

[pamelat]

I am often unreasonable so please be brutally honest.

Its my cousin's 30th bday later this month. She is having a night out, she lives 3 hours from me.

We were invited and accepted.

The meal is on the Saturday night. My first day back at work after a years maternity leave is on the Monday. I hadn't thought about this at the time, months ago.

Originally we had a babysitter and were going to leave DD (11.5 months) with GP's. This is no longer an option and to be honest I want to spend that "last" weekend with her. I am feeling quite anxious about leaving her.

I contacted my cousin (we are close, she was my brides maid) and explained that we would have DD and that I did not want to be without her that weekend. I suggested that maybe we come up the Friday night instead and have some time with them and all day Saturday but head back before the meal on Saturday.

The Friday night we could stay at theirs, the Saturday night requires a hotel. DH has just been made redundant so even cost wise I prefer the Friday night option, but she does not.

I offered to just drive down for the Saturday day too but she definately wants me at the meal. This just is not possible with DD?????

She has found someone (who I don't know) to babysit in our hotel room (not yet booked) on the Saturday evening but DD is fairly sensitive and will wake if someone (especially a stranger) is in the room with the TV or lights on. Also this would be extra cost but she has offered to pay half. DH, however, does not want an unknown babysitter and I can see his point.

DH has now offered to sit in our hotel room with DD and says he is happy ish to just let me go for the meal, but I am not sure whether I should take him up on this or put my foot down with my cousin and tell her that only the Friday night or Saturday night are our options.

She is being nice but persistent. She does not have children.

What do you think? Or AIBU to think about backing out of my cousins 30th when it clearly means so much to her?

Thank you, I was putting myself off as I dont actually want to go but her friendship and happiness is worth putting ourselves out for

I think once I am back at work (eeekkk) I might become a bit more normal.

Hi,
I think the option of DH staying in the hotel is the best one, you are obviously close to your cousin, and he offered to babysit, so it's a win-win (other than the cost).

Re babysitting by a stranger in a hotel, we have done it. Friends of ours got married on the Isle of Wight, we were keen to go, we stayed in a B&B, and the owner recommended to us a babysitter he uses (used?) for his own children.

It did work out really well.

Hope you can all have a really great time, sounds like it could be fun.

Good luck going back to work...

could you not make a nite of it, drive up that evening, stop in hotel by yourself and relax and then drive home the next day?

Does she make the effort for you? Did she come to your wedding/christening/events that are important for you? If so that would swing me towards going.

I have done something similar and dh stayed in the hotel room with dd. It was an all day event though and I really badly wanted to go!

It is a lot of faff and expense and if you yourself are not madly eager to go rather than eager not to upset your cousin I would be tempted not to go - unless you think the fall-out will be just too much drama.

I will go.

But to answer your questions.

She came to my 30th and obviously our wedding. She didnt come to my birthday this year but it was not a special one and I didn't mind at all. I really like seeing her but I do not put pressure on anyone to come and see me, its just not very me. My 30th was not a big affair because I was 8 months pregnant.

I could stay in the hotel alone but DH says that he might as well come too. Maybe PFB but he knows that I will be probably get a bit emotional on my "last" day (as I will call it) with DD. I can sort of laugh at myself about this but would really rather wake up with her.

He isnt working so a weekend is pretty much the same as any day to him, he might as well be with me?