to say something to PIL....at last

[Lowfat]

I have'nt taken action yet but am on the verge.

Basically BIL &SIL live near PIL (I have posted about this before) and PIL mind my DN's 3 days a week, including Saturday so BIL and SIL can both work. And on Sunday when they are off SIL sends BIL over with the DN's so she can do housework. Her parents have the DC's Mon, Tues & Weds - not that it makes any difference to what I am writing about.

PIL have voiced to me and DH in the last couple of weeks, and for the first time, that they are starting to tire from looking after 2 under 5's so much. Which we could see coming about a year ago, but said nothing.

When SIL phoned over holidays and moaned about PIL not helping with cooking and washing up over Christmas along with loads of other little things. Including MILs minor health concerns she has.

DH and I (as have said before) feel my PIL are being put upon, but because SIL admitted to me threatening MIL before with not seeing the DC's if she makes waves I dont think they will say anything.

But it has got to the point where I feel I want my PIL to know what SIL is saying about them when they are doing so much for her and BIL.

The last time I spoke to SIL I ended the call saying I had to go because I was so cross at what she had said.

Should DH and I say anything?

No - it will cause major ructions and SIL will deny saying anyting.

The only thing they can do is face up to her and tell her that they are finsing it hard to look after hers dcs so much - but it's up to them to say so unfortunately.

rather than talking to pil could you tell sil and bil how unreasonable they are being? it is them that need talking to.

nope

this is an issue for your PIls to tackle as they see fit with SIL and BIL

They are all adults and should be left to sort it out themselves. If you stick your oar in it will just be a case of "shoot the messenger".

Don't say anything.

You'll be the one who ends up looking spiteful and mean. As has been said, your SIL is likely to deny everything, and it'll look like sour grapes on your part.

Your PIL have to decide what to do for themselves. Sounds like they're already coming to that decision anyway.

Your SIL's threats to stop their DC seeing their grandparents might - briefly - hold, but I imagine they can't keep it up forever.

However, if SIL says anything about the situation to you again (like the making waves part), you could - reasonably - say that you don't agree with her behaviour; at the very least, you could point out to her that your PIL are getting on and are tired, etc.

I think you need to leave it up to them even though I can understand your frustration with the situation. you will only make it worse if you wade in.

If you want to talk to anyone encourage PILs to tell SIL and BIL that they are struggling looking after their children.