To not want my DP to follow his dream?

[jemsie]

I'm desperate for some impartial advice and hope some of you can offer your opinions...

My DP wants to leave his well paid, secure job and re-train to become a furniture maker. He loves being creative and working with wood and hates his current job which involves sitting behind a desk all day.

If he did this it would involve us moving out of London (which in some respects I am keen to do), however I have a good job which I generally enjoy - I'm happy to consider getting another job but my options are quite limited outside of London. The course he wants to do takes 2 years - in which time I would have to be the main breadwinner, although he might be able to work a couple of days a week.

I'm a relatively cautious person and quite realistic whereas he is very idealistic which I admire - but it couses problems. Im worried about him actually being able to make money being a furniture maker after the course has finished. Whenever I bring this up he says I am not being supportive.

We are also keen to start a family but obviously if he does this it'll be a few years before we can even think about that. We are both 26. His current job, whilst boring, is not stressful (he is always home by 5 - way before me!) and pays him £30,000. Im not matierialistic in the slightest but would hate to give up everything and be really struggling for money. I feel like there could be a compromise i.e. he finds another job but does an evening course or something but he wanst to just go for it and make a career from urniture, not just have it as a hobbie.

I dont want to be a big crusher of dreams but am finding it hard to be positive about this. AIBU? we are both still young - should I just go with it?? Help!!

What is your dh's current role ?

Is he in an industry where he could opt to take an unpaid sabbatical or other unpaid year out, thereby helping his employers to weather the recession (bog off Gordon Brown, we are in a recession whether it fits the technical definition thereof or not) but retain the right to take up his job again after a year if things don't work out.

Has he fully researched the viability of his dream as a means of supporting you as a family when your turn to take time out of the workplace comes.

One can't live the dream for ever if it stays at a hobby level and means subsistence existance for you as a family.

While this sounds like a wonderful dream, I think your DH needs to be realistic. If he wants to be a carpenter, how much effort has he actually put into starting now? Has he done any small courses that could start him on the road? Carpentry is one of those hobbies that he could start in his spare time, the evenings which are child free now. The equipment can be expensive, and he could start buying and using it now, while he is working. Is there a reason why he hasn't? How much of a love is this if he isn't doing something about it now, in his spare time?

There is a lot of information out there about turning a hobby into a business, this website is just one example www.bankrate.com/brm/news/advice/20050208a1.asp. There is a lot more out there, he just needs to do a bit of research.

If he's not willing to do the research required to find out whether his dream is realistic, then he's not being reasonable and is being very unfair to you.

Only BRILLIANT carpenters, who are also very creative and original, make decent money from bespoke furniture. The adequate to good ones will end up doing general carpentry, to be honest.

Currently he's training to be a Patent Attorney - he has about 2 years left before he's fully trained I think. He hates the law though (his original degree was physics - he never intended to go into anything law based) - I think whatever he does he will try and move away from his current job.

Thanks for the link to that website Merry - I agree alot with what you have said. He has done an evening course in woodwork, but I'm just not sure he has properly looked into if the kind of companies he wants to work for actually exist. Its all very well doing the course but he has to be realistic about what will happen after.

I think it's so tempting for me to romanticise the whole idea and try and follow our (or his) dream... but I just have alot of worries! Its useful to hear other peoples experinces though, which generally sound really positive, esp your Choosey.

Particularly interesting because my dh is actually in that area of law! He frequently wishes he'd done something else tbh, it's such a slog and so dull to qualify. He's much happier running his own business rather than being in the rat race of a firm.

If your dh could bear to grit his teeth and qualify before he leaves, is that doable? But part-qualified is still a good thing, anyway

Your dh doesn't have to do only one thing, too - perhaps he could look for alternative work using his degree which allows more flexibility so that he can train as a cabinet maker at the same time? I think it's true that it's pretty hard to make a full living at cabinetmaking, but nothing to say he couldn't combine it with other work. And surely it's not so bad being a general carpenter?

The really big message I think is that it's easier to do this now, before you have children and while you are still so young. It is really frightening how hard it gets to simply work enough hours to make a living, once you have little kids (though even that is not forever).