to expect friends not to drop you if they haven't got kids the same age

[pickupthismess]

Recently we seem to have lost TWO sets of very close friends and I'm really fed up

1. a couple our age (who are DS's godparents). They have an older child who has just gone to uni.

2. a childless couple

This year neither sent Xmas cards or followed up on phone messages we left. We haven't fallen out at all. If I catch them on the phone they're happy and chatty. Prob is they don't care about our kids (bit of a shock to us re couple no 1). They think our lives are now boring/kid focussed.

But we still have babysitters! We would go out! But they both seem to have moved on and I'm really disappointed int hem - especially as they are friends of long standing.

Is this normal?

Are you sure they don't just have worries (money, health, arguing with each other, etc) at the moment, whilst trying to put on a brave face? Sounds weird to drop you just like that especially the godparents...

It does sound odd

Are the childless couple trying for a baby and find it difficult to be with you? Do you talk a lot about your children? (I know I do about DD)

That seems odd that two sets have friends have dropped you at the same time. Are you sure you are not reading too much into it? Lots of people don't send xmas cards and prehaps they have been tied up in their own lives?

I don't mean they've dropped me at the same time just over the last few years we have had less and less contact with them.

I definitely think the ones without kids just feel we aren't v interesting anymore. We can't disucss plays, concerts, art shows, foreign trips etc the way we once did. We can't just drop everything and go to Paris for the weekend.

As for the godparents - I'm v disappointed. We have moved nearer to them recently. They are just suddenly fancy free because their DS has gone to uni. They have loads of money, no mortgage, three houses (one abroad) and just flit about.

I left three messages over the summer on their voicemail and they didn't get back to us so I assumed they'd gone to their house abroad. But I've just discovered they've been here all the time.

We invited them over for New Year and they said they'd call and they didn't (we then found they'd gone to London for the night).

I'm talking about what were really good friends. They didn't even get DS1 (their god child) and Xmas pressie this year. It just seems as if they can't be bothered with us now we have the children in tow.

IT seems to be the way friendships work - they change over time for all sorts of reasons. You may find that somewhere down the line they get back on track. It is sad, prehaps it is time to move on? Sorry I can't be of more help.

maybe the friendships could pick up again when your children arent so small? dont give up on them totally as things do go in phases ime

I feel the same way. I am single and childless and live on the other side of the world. Every one of my friends is married with kids. I am the one who phones, emails, sends presents for adults and kids on birthdays etc but am always forgotten. I keep in contact as I do not want to lose touch. Sometimes I wonder why I bother. I know they have responsiblities but still if I stop speaking to them when I return home I will have no friends whatsoever. Just grin and bear it.

You have just changed and grown apart. It is sad, but it is life. Think of all the new friends you have yet to make.

it happens, we are best friends with a childless couple and since having kids we have grown apart. it started when we asked them to be godparents of our dd, they said yes and then when we told them the date (mothers day) the wife couldn't do it as she was visiting her mum on the otherside of the country, which is fair enough, BUT then she threw a paddy when we wouldn't change the date!
things haven't been the same since.
now we hardly see them at all when it used to be every weekend or other weekend. it's quite sad as i have few other friends as i'm quite shy.