to expect OH to take off his shoes when he comes indoors?

[SweetestThing]

First post and it's a grumble!! DS, DD and I all take our shoes off immediately we come indoors. OH doesn't and has to be nagged gently encouraged to take his off. But when we visit friends who have a "shoes off" policy, he removes his footwear no problem. AIBU to think that this shows a certain lack of respect for me?

yabu. it's his house as well. when you are in others houses who have the rule then it's expected as it's their house their rules.
you can't expect to dictate to him what he does in his own home (within reason of course)

is there somewhere to put them? is he marching through to get to a cupboard or to come and find you to say hello?

doubt its lack of respect for you - probably just not thinking - more focussed on getting the kettle on or something

I just think that it's not right to trail dirt and who knows what from outside into our home - and I'm the one who does all the vacuuming!!

I think it's more to do with how he ranks the importance of floor coverings rather than how much he respects you.

Just tell him if there's any mess, he's cleaning it.

newgirl, there's a porch he comes through before entering the house, with a shoe store thingy there, so he can leave them there, or in the hall.

Good point, pointydog.

hmm its annoying but i guess that's living with others - our habits annoy the others! you could try just not clearing up for a while and say look at the state of this - but my guess is he wont mind

My dad HAS to sit down to unlace his shoes. Maybe you need to buy him some loafers

do you consider your little habits that annoy him to be a lack of respect for him? or do you just consider them a difference in how you both do things that he is to accept about you?would you consider him to be completely over reacting if he started nagging you about them to try and change your habits?

newgirl, you are right. He won't mind at all. Sometimes I do a controlled experiment and will not bother picking up something from the floor just to see how long it takes before he notices and picks it up. I always crack and pick it up because he can blithely step over said item for weeks on end if I left it to him!

YABU. It's his house. If he was brought up in a shoes on environment as I was it seems unatural to take them off.

I always have my shoes on in the house. Got my boots on now as a matter of fact as it's freezing by the computer.

you see i think thats it - we all have different standards and he just has lower ones than you

newgirl, I think you're absolutely right!!

Is he forgetting or refusing?

If it is the latter then damn right its annoying and bugger all this 'it's his house' crap, does he piss on the walls to show it's his house? No.

I dislike the use of the word 'respect'. It's overused. But this behaviour is irritating.

You should try rewarding when he behaves and ignoring when he's naughty.

MorningTownRide, he remembers okay but chooses not to, because to him it's not such a big deal. And it's our house, not his - but it's mine when it comes to the cleaning, strangely!! Blimey, I sound like a right bitter old harridan :-D

You're not a bitter old harridan - he's being an arse

Why should he have to obey a rule which the OP has imposed in their joint home? If it's something which he chooses not to do, probably because it's not the way he was brought up, why is it the wife's role to make a set of rules which he is expected to obey?

YABU.