I Know I don't *have* to justify it...

[Bathsheba]

Have I just done a major bo-bo..!!

Its DD1's birthday in a few weeks and she wanted to invite her entire preschool class to her party - we were are doing the cheapest per head option at the local soft play for 22 of them. (in saying its the cheapest option its brilliant, sandwiches, jelly and ice cream and the place and the staff are great - its what we did last year)

Only problem is when we did it last year we invited a lot more people - her preschool class was smaller, and we were a bit mroe flush, so we invited our "non school" friends - NCT friends etc....

This year we simply can't.

I've just emailed everyone to let them know that, cir4cumstances dictate that, this year, its school friends only - I worked out if I invited my NCT team's children then that would be 17 more children, and then my church friends would be 25 more children....so I'm probably right to limit it to school friends.

I have a few NCT friends on facebook and things,s o when I mentioned DD1's party on there, I thought I had better email and say "look, really sorry, I know you have been at previous parties, but honestly we sould have ended up with 60+ children so I hope you understand this year its ONLY schoolfriends..."

Have I just made an issue out of something that wasn't an issue by highlighting it...??

I have one particular NCT friend whose DD is almost obsessed with my DD - always wanting ehr for sleepovers (my DD doesn't go), she has parties for her birthday with either a few children or JUST my DD (She doesn't go to school or preschool so no friends from there), and this little girl was really upset last year at DD1's party that she didn;t get to play exclusively with my DD1 and sit beside her at the snacks - well DD1 had 25 of her friends there and this little girl does not have exclusinve use of her...(esp when they live 35 miles away and they rarely see each other). I'll admit that my email was partially simply to say to this Mum in particular, "Look, I'm really sorry, I know your DD and DS were both at DD1's party last year, but sorry, we simply can't invite you this year - there are just too many children"...

Have I made a real mess of this and instead of being nice and explaining to people just highlighted that their children aren't invited....

No I think you have done the right thing. Lots of people are scaling back and will understand.

Birthdays are a nightmare aren't they? You always end up trying to please everyone and usually pissing some people off.

Could you invite this really good friend from NCT as her and your DD are good mates, then it would be only one extra? Then leave it at that.

By the way, if it were me I would accept your explanation if I weren't invited and just think 'oh well c'est la vie etc', so on the count YANBU.

Folks soon have to learn that their precious DD/DS's can't get invited to everything all the time!

Roll on a few years and you'll be able to do small parties! Gets great as they get older!

um...yes. I wouldnt have mentioned it on facebook in the first place, just discreetly sent invites to the invited children.

You are worrying too much about it.

In a few years time your dd will decide who she wants and doesnt want herself - are you going to send defensive emails then explaining why she doesn't want x,y and z?

It is a pretty natural part of children's lives that the parties get smaller as they get older and the people you invite will naturally change. Plenty of your friends will know this already, especially if they have an older child and have already been through the party circuit.

So it's maybe not unreasonable but a bit OTT to have emailed everybody - sounds like, if anything, you just needed to have a quiet word with this one particular child's mum. But don't worry over it - you can't undo what you've done. Don't let the party be a stressfest before it's even happened.

I think you may well have excaberated the situation totally.....and im a bit about how you refer to your nct friends daughter- they are children fgs.

So yes i think you are being unreasonable and im glad none of my friends have behaved like tht.

I think you did the best you thought and people should take it in that spirit.

Have a lovely party.

I know it's a really difficult one and I find myself in the same position for the same reasons (my two best schoolfriends and I have 9 kids between us before we invite anyone else!). However, as other people have said, you've made it a bigger deal than it needed to be by talking about it on FB, emailing people to explain why they aren't invited, etc.

Is there any chance you can do the party as planned and then just have your NCT mates over for tea on another day nicely close to the party?

People should understand - they'd do the same thing as well.

Sounds like you've been diplomatic and explained your position well to people.

Even if you are flush, it's really a lot of children to have to cater for anyway. Birthday parties are becoming as much of a headache as organising a wedding!

YANBU.

I think people should understand-I wouldn't even invite a whole class!

Aw, yanbu. You thought it out and did your best and meant it nicely.

The horrible moaning minnies would complain whether you left them out quietly or in this very open way ... they are never blinking well happy.

So you did fine.

xxPB