To expect people to do their job... (may be long sorry)

[Squitch]

Bit of background. MY mum has dementia, very poor mobility and night incontinence. I live with her along with my dd who is 2. I have carers come in twice daily seven days a week (except Sunday when they only come first thing) to get her up, wash her, dress her, change the bed and make sure she's taken her medication.

This morning the carer was here for 15 minutes and then left. I went to see how someone could have managed to do all of the above in such a super speedy time and she hadn't done anything. Mum is still in bed, needs washing and hasnt taken her medication (she won't accept any tablets from me, she thinks I'm trying to poison her).

I'm really upset now. I've phoned the office and they said that they will look into it but that doesnt really help this morning. I have no idea how to man handle (for want of a better phrase) mum so that I can wash her or even if she will allow me to do it, I know it will be impossible for me to get her out of her room and that she will sit there all day. Just needed to vent my frustration really.

Perhaps your mum refused to get up and dressed?

They gave her a cup of tea. Part of me (the cutting the nose off to spite the face part) would rather they didnt come back today now. Sorry, mum's only been back at home for 4 weeks and I'm finding it a lot harder than I thought I would.

They have to log the visit, and the carer has put that mum said that she would get herself washed and dressed as she was going to have a bath this morning. The only bath in the house is upstairs and seeing as mum needs assistance to get out of bed and we have no stair lift this is impossible. She also had told the carer that she had already had her medication.

The point is that mum has dementia, most mornings she tells the carers that she's been to London shopping (I live in the midlands). It sounds horrible to say it but you can't believe anything she says. I think what has annoyed me the most is that I was sitting in the room next door and she didnt check that it was accurate or had read any of the notes.

Very rarely the same ones and loads of problems, my main annoyance is the fact that several of them seem to think it's ok to leave heavily soiled clothes on my kitchen floor and not tell me that they are there.

TBH I've just been so thankful for some help I've not said anything until now, but straw that broke the camels back and all that...

Sounds awful Definately call the agency back and insist that someone comes back this morning. Whether you want them to come back or not - you're paying for them to come and do their job which they haven't done. Plus your mum needs them if she won't accept help from you.

Hope you get it sorted x

Squitch, i have nothing but admiration for you. I am so angry for you - These people are getting paid to do their jobs and they are quite simply doing a bare minimum. Adverts for this sort of job are ten a penny and i it seems they hire anyone. That is not to say that there aren't genuine people out there - my friend was like that, ended up running around for people over and above what was required. But, i know another lady who is just in it for the bingo money (seriously!) and every time i see her (she is a friend of my mothers) she is moaning about the people she cares for - she even said to me that one lady who has MS, is just a lazy cow . Then, and i was just about this, my mum told me that when she goes shopping for one particular client, any of the buy one get one free offers, she pockets the "free" item, because he client hasn't paid for it .

I could go on and on about the lack of standards in the care industry as my experience (father with dementia) has made me suspicious of anyone involved, that is quite sad isn't it. But when you visit your father in his nursing home on Xmas day and can smell alcohol on the breaths of the young girls supposedly "caring" and witness them being given nothing but jam sandwiches for xmas tea while the girls are laughing and kidding around - it leaves you a bit jaded about the whole thing.

Squitch - can you find an emergency social work number and speak to them? They may be able to send somebody to help, or persuade the agency to come back today. It sounds as if the carer is not very well trained regarding dementia, and she definitely should have checked with you! Did social work have anything to do with setting this up? If so, you definitely should speak to them and tell them you're not happy with the service.

Can you use SS instead of a private agency. SS usually have much better quality staff, simply because they treat them so much better.

It's awful when it's different carers all the time. I definately recommend a basket for soiled laundry in the room though.

Explain to all of them that your mum has dementia and that even is she appears to be perfectly lucid at times, she still gets very confused.

I bet it's harder than you thought it would be

Can you ring SS and try to have a meeting with a social worker in your home to discuss a package of care?

I would phone the agency back right now, tell them if they don't get someone out asap you will be using a different agency. This is in no way aceptable, if the office can't find anyone to do it, suggest the person on the phone should perhaps go out, they are the ones responsible for the care packages so if they fail it is their responsibility to sort it.

It is a SS agency. I have rang them this morning and their response has been that if my mum refuses care then they can't make her accept it. Whilst I can see this from some point, mum has dementia, she isn't being awkward, she honestly does believe that she can do it herself. What irks the most is that they didnt tell me before they left.

I work for SS and have tried to contact them today, but as it's Sunday there is only a duty worker on and I do appreciate that this isnt a priority, mum is safe and I am here.

JUst checked on mum and she had got back into bed, going to have to nag her now, which will be a nightmare, but if she doesnt get up I'll be up till the early hours of the morning trying to get her to go back to bed.

Feel like all ive done is complain for weeks now, getting bored of my own voice

Squitch

Ask for the person in charge E-mail address and contact them in writing.

We have had to do this with my grandad as the homecare who were supposed to com 3 times a day for 2 hours (1hour and 2 30mins). To get him up wash him and change his bag. Make sure he had breakfast and any washing done then, once at lunch time make sure ha had lunch and drink. Then to put him to bed as he had a stroke and has now lost all mobility. Also make sure he was clean as he couldn't always make it time for the toliet.

We have now had to put him into a nursing home because their lack of care.

The final straw for us was he spent 5 weeks in hospital with yet another water infection. When he got home the 'carers' at his home and he asked if they would go and get him fish chip dinner (you can get the shop and back in 5mins). They refused said they would make him a hot drink while he went. When he got back 10mins later they had gone and put his front door key in the keysafe which he had no way reaching as he cannot stand . So he ended up back in hospital after only being home for 5hrs .

The director in charge of homecare for the elderly is now investigating as what the carers have said to the evidence we have is vastly different.

I used to do homecaring and it's easier if you know the client well. I used to be a "bank" carer and sometimes the clients has no idea who i was and it could be very difficult and even imposible to get them up and dressed.
I usually used to give a lot of gentle persuasion and basically trying to get them to do things.
As a carer we were NOT allowed to manhandle our clients and force them to do things they did not want. Most Dementia patients will only do things with people they trust.
As for leaving soiled clothes lying around that is not on, but that carer should have told you they were having trouble getting your mum up.
My own mother has dementia and there is no way on earth that she'll have a bath until SHE wants to and she is a very strong lady.
Was the carer today new? Maybe that is your explanation.
Just reminds me of a woman i had to get up for the mornings and it was always a Sunday morning and i was sent there at 6.30am and i always felt sorry for her as she was 101yrs old and could not even have a lie-in as that was the time of morning she was allocated.

I gave up homecaring as i really did not like the way the clients were being treated by some of the other staff and also i was put in quite dangerous positions with no office back-up quite late at night (11pm).Was attacked a few times and almost blown up in another person's house.
Until these jobs are paid proper wages and the carers are sent out in "teams" especially at night then you are always going to get people who don't really care.
I cared for my clients and still think about them even after 1yr, but i have to think of my safety for my familly as well.
I really don't think homecare is a job for anyone under 21yrs of age as it is very demanding work.

I used to do homecare for the lady who lived next door to me. Sometimes if there wasnt anyone else available from the agency at weekends i had to take my son (who was then 6) with me and he played with his trains on the floor whilst i got her washed/dressed etc. I was on a one weekend off then work then off etc and sometimes i would end up going round when i was off duty as no one had arrived to get the lady up and her daughter would arrive to find her still in bed!That was a private agency by the way!

The carer should understand that your mum might say she'll can do things that she can't. They should also talk with you during the visit.

Best wishes to you xxx

I had to fight for any care tbh, mainly because I live at home with her. It was agreed that as I have a 2 year old to care for as well they would send a carer first thing in the morning and lunchtimes (as I work afternoons), the list of things they are supposed to do is:

Get up (I always try to take a cup of tea in to mum before they get here. It makes her less confused - was late this morning as dd is not well)
Wash - if I'm being fair they have, until today always done this
Make bed - Always done, but I've noticed they're not too bothered about remaking the bed if it's dirty, so I always end up redoing it
Make breakfast - never done this. The first morning the carer came I was in the kitchen making dd's breakfast and she made me feel so guilty that I've always done mum's now
Give medication - a bit hit and miss really, some of the carers don't seem to know which order the days of the week are (they will only give medication if it's in a pill box) so sometimes she has the wrong day (if you see what I mean)

Lunch time, make lunch - never done this. I always make up sandwiches and leave them in the fridge with a note (rod for my own back and all that)but I have occasionally left out soup for them to heat up but they never give mum anything with it, i.e. bread so stopped doing that
Wash up - Never done, suppose they feel that if they havent made anything they shouldnt wash up (btw I don't leave any of 'my' washing up, it would be just what mum has used).
Empty the komode - sometimes, and they NEVER help mum to the komode at lunch time, so I often get home from work and she has been holding it all morning. (good job I have leather sofas and pampers bed pads).

I suppose what gets to me the most is that three months ago mum could complete the Times crossword in under 20 minutes, read on average of 10 books per week and had an active social life, and she's now treated like she means nothing to anyone.

I had an appalling time at the hospital with her care and hoped that being at home would ensure that she was treated better, but I just feel now that perhaps I've bitten off more than I can chew.

Poor you, and poor squitch's mum!

Think you will need to oversee more closely, and check on things while the carers are still at your home. Don't assume they have taken care of things properly, and don't let them leave until you know things have been done - so that you and your Mum don't have a nightmare day.

Squitch, am sorry to hear what you are going through. I think that you need to speak to the agency about what yours and their expectations are. Also speak to your mother's social worker if you feel the agency are not cooperating with you. The agency might also want to look at training around dementia for their staff.
Could you get community OT or physio input so you know how to get your mother out of bed? I do have to say that one day without a wash and staying in bed shouldn't be a problem if she's clean and dry.

Do you see the same carers or are they different everyday? If they are different all the time then that is problematic, but if you see a regular and they are approachable then try and build up a working relationship with them. Sorry this is disjointed, got to get my sick lo to bed.