Stepford Wife Rant, A Variation On The Theme With Geekitude & Equity

[poetmum]

Short/long story: When I met DH, he was young, brilliant, sexy and sane. I was mature, brilliant, sexy and insane. I was coming out of a 8 year relationship. My DD was 9. The separation with XDP was less than amicable. I was at the peak of my career. DH was just starting out. So, I supported all of us. As I became more miserable in my "career," DH suggested maybe he should get a job and I should stop "earning unhappy money." So he did. I did. My "new career" was profitable. His was growing and growing. We shared the wealth. DD was living the high life. We all were.

Years later, we let DS "though the door we'd left open." I had to stop working. (Was on bed rest through the whole pregnancy.) Ds arrives...it is a miracle he got here...1. born in the caul; 2. true knot in his cord; 3. umbilical cord detached sometime during labour and nobody knows when or for how long. Lots of happiness and awe. I quit work for - mostly good - except the really great jobs.

DD is a champion. DH was a champion through it all. DS is the sweeetest, most cooperative lovng child in the world. Except. He loves Mummy too much. And now, DH travels M - F for work - every week.

So, DH got regular calls this Autumn from an old friend with kids the same age. Friend takes his two DC (4 and 2) every Saturday. All day! And wanted DH and DS (5) to come along. DH wasn't interested / or able. So, I scramble around all weekend doing things and DH and DS just play video games and watch tv. And when I draw lines play non-media games together.

So, over the holidays, we got to be a family. We settled into a nice routine. Now, at the end, DH is wondering why "we" hadn't called his friend. (Which is complicated because of stuff to long to type here.)

But, I'm left wondering. When do I get my "day all to myself?" Why is it so hard for DH to simply pack up DS and be gone for a day? And when I ask him, he just says, "Dunno. Love you. Happy to be near you. We're cool." Love you." Am I being unreasonable to just want a "day" like my other married friends have? Especially when adult companionship could be built into the whole deal?

Just had to say Fab thread title! It's nice that your dh wants to be with you, but I can see that a day off would be nice too. But there is nothing to stop it from being arranged for another Saturday is there? My dh is inclined to do absolutely nothing too. This holidays he has spent mostly playing every Lucas Arts adventure game. Sometimes with the children and me, and sometimes without. I am stir crazy! I wanted to go out sledging, and enjoy the snow (we are in Canada) but the snow boots I bought him for Christmas are too small, and he didn't want to go back to the shop and change them. So now the kids are going back to school and have done virtually nothing. I know I could take them to stuff on my own, but it's just not the same.

How long is your dh going to be away for the week? I wouldn't like that at all (for me or dh). I start a new job on the 12th, with a 15min commute! I think it's going to be fab

Thanks Nooka! Good luck with the new job!

Maybe they need some time together..."debriefing." And I just need to honour that. DS is not a "media vegetable" when I'm around.

DH loves this. DH partcipates. DH leaves it up to me and so I enthusiastically game when it suits our needs.

Still - should I let them float off in some strange exploration. Why don't positive charged things like negative charged things?

Cool. Game answers question.

Still, I want some "me time" in a world of "we Dads" whom my DH is avoiding.

The whole media thing is quite a hard one to tackle, isn't it? DH, DS and DD love playing the Wii, and would happily veg in front of the TV for long periods of time. I have a hard time with this, especially after the studies that have shown all the negative effects on emotional growth computers and media have on the kids. Still, I do believe they have so much fun, as long as we regulate it, it (hopefully) can't be that bad. And DH, to his credit, will back me up on the time limits.

"Me time" isn't selfish. If I didn't get some, I'd explode. I HAVE to get out without the LO's (am a "Stepford", too, with both of mine in preschool) or I get really crabby with everyone. DH is very good with this, and actually offers more than I take him up on getting out. I wish I could help you with your DH in that area. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't had some without the kids time after being stuck in the house for 2 weeks.