I might be actually, I don't know,.

[MumofBaby]

My mum sometimes looks after DS when I need her to (7.5 months), and so she's bought him a few nappies, a couple of jars of food, a couple of cartons of milk, porridge, a bottle, a dummy, and a few toys as she said you never know, I can simply forget something one day, or I could get held up or there could be an emergency, so she thinks it's best to have things there for him.

MIL insists DS must go to her house alone, although she's never available when I actually need someone to mind him because of work or a hospital appt or whatever. The other day, I'd been out with DS all day, and I was on my way to MIL's when I realised he'd run out of nappies. I txt SIL and asked if they had any nappies for him there and she txt back saying no, if I want nappies there for him I need to leave some. MIL's been begging to have him overnight, but I think if she can't even be bothered to buy one pack of nappies, then is that really a good idea?

She is one of these people who needs babies to fulfil her needs rather than the other way round, and she smokes as I've said on here before, which worries me, as I don't want him to sleep over in a smokey atmosphere.

But the real issue is that I just don't think it'd hurt her to get a couple of nappies and a jar in for him incase I ever forget to take them.

Also, we asked to borrow some money for a pack of nappies on time (I'd lost my cash card) and she said no. That's pretty stingey in my eyes.

Yep that's her! Sorry to go on about her, it's just that I need to get these things out of my head and put into perspective.

Your mum probably started looking after your DS for short periods of time, which then got longer, and you were sure she was managing.

Your MIL seems to want to go straight to the overnight without any of the lead in, and that's not on.

You are the mother, whether she likes it or not (and it sounds like a big NOT). She is a smoker, and says she won't smoke if he's there? Does she not smoke when you visit with him now?

Be firm, stick to your guns. YOU are the mother, and if you are not happy with the idea of your DS staying with her, then simply, DS does not stay. If the others dont' like it, then too bad.

Your DS is too young for it to be of benefit to him, and at this point, that is your only concern.

From your other threads, it sounds as if your MIL is a bit toxic, and you need to put some distance between you and your inlaws. Your DP needs to be put his foot down about what is or is not allowed. It would help if you didn't advertise how often your Mum helps out or sees your DS.

YAB a bit U in expecting her to buy nappies and keep them there. However about the rest... not so much.
I don't understand this thing with grandparents wanting very young grandchildren to stay over. It smells a bit like a control thing to me, and wanting to take ownership of the child in question. he needs his mummy - he is too young to understand the concept of staying over. Just say no.
And about the smoking - DP and I both smoke, but NEVER in the house (even if the weather is foul) I would not want DS to be spending time in a place that stinks of smoke tbh.

Why don't you start asking her to look after him for say an hour while you go food shopping or something? Bring her a pack of nappies and wipes to leave at her house and maybe a change of clothes or whatever else you need.

Then maybe you can build up a relationship from there? Try and chat with her as much as possible each time you go and just try and keep things on good terms.

My MIL is a nightmare and doesn't ever have my DD unless I am desperate, and certainly would never have her overnight. And my daught is older than your DS.