To think my sister is a bitch!

[spookycharlotte121]

If I ever mention the fact that I struggle with 2 kids on my own her comment is "I didnt tell you to have kids" "you didint have to have them if you didnt want to"

In my mind that basicly says well you shouldnt have had kids and should have had an abortion instead..... Im sick of it.

My kids mean the world to me. It infuriates me when she comes out with comments like this. Who the hell does she think she is.

I take it she doesnt have any!

she doesn't mean that, I am sure! My sister says similar things about other people and she has a step-daughter and three rowdy nieces so I know she is aware it can be hard!

How do you 'mention' it? Are you constantly moaning without seeking solutions?

maybe she is irritated?

I would just stop discussing your children with her tbh. Sounds like she's not the best listener in the world!

Se has 1 dd who is 3.5. She is angry with me because she wanted me to go to hers tongiht for a take away but I said I would have to let her know later as we have a very busy day today, lots to do and I was unsure as the kids have had several late nights in a row and its very cold outside when we have to come home (my car has no heating either)

She flew off the handle and demanded an answer and when I said she was clueless to how difficult it was to do things like going out for a take away with 2 small children she threw in her lovely comment.

you called her clueless, I'd say you're even.

What's your relationship like the rest of the time?

Does she want more children? is she trying?

yabu calling her a bitch imo

how old is your sister

yabu

until you have children people who have them moaning on about them seems both boring and nonsensical.
To shut them up you say things like your sister said...trying to point out that they were your choice, no one forced you to have them so please shut up moaning.

She doesn't mean that you should have had an abortion instead...that hasn't crossed her mind.

Once you have children you like to have a moan about them to garner some support to get you through the runny noses, lack of time to do a wee, sleepless nights etc...
It doesn't in anyway change the fact that you love them with all your heart you just want some support and sympathy

Once she has kids she'll do the same as you and you can trot out the "no one made you have them line" with a massive grin

Oh i didnt call her a bitch to her face, its not worth the hassel. She is clueless she hasnt any idea how hard it is to just get out of the house when you have 2 children under 2. She thinks she can do a better job but when she has had my ds overnight she hasn't been able to cope.
She is a very criticle person and even though she knows how offencive i find her comments she still keeps plopping it into the conversation when she thinks necessairy. I dont really talk to her about the kids much so i doubt its that I moan too much.

I just think its a horrible thing to say to someone. I would never say it to her about her dd!

ronaldinhio she has got a dd.

she is 23

I think you are being over sensitive and reading far to much into her comment.

two under two isn't so bad......no one made you have them!!

she just has no empathy then

you'll get a chance to do the same to her
let her rattle on

i think that you clearly have different ideas of help/empathy/support, so she might think you are a whinging moo and you think she is a clueless bitch

no-one really wins, do they?

sisterly dynamics can be hard

siblking relationships are sometimes the hardest to manage - even though i am grown up with my sisters I revert back to childish jealously and envy.

I think that she is possibly angry that you give time to your children or time talking about them because she wants you.

With anyone else it would be being a bitch - but your sister is reverting back to sibling patterns.

Her envy is in some way flattery.

She is jealous of your children!

Hmmm well any ideas how i can get her to stop saying it? I find it quite upsetting. I doubt she is jealous. She has always been better at everything than me, doesnt bother me but she has to be the best and is very competative. Hence the reason we can no longer go to the gym together or go to slimming world together..... it was a nightmare.

well I am not sure. I think if it was me I wouldn't talk about my children with her as she will not sympathise and I would have a 'water off a ducks back' attitude to the snidey comments and think she is just being childish.

But I know how much comments can hurt when you have children.

Also I am very passive and will do anything to avoid conflict - even conflict in my own head.

you can;t stop her, but you can not let yourself get so upset and wound up by it

If someone is moaning about their DCs it seems fairly normal to point out that you chose them-it isn't a very helpful comment or what you want to hear, but siblings aren't always tactful! Ignore it.

Have to say I'm quite surprised at the lack of sympathy to the op!!!

I had 2 under 2 (now the youngest is 15 months and its getting easier) and it's bloody rock hard. And i have a supportive dh unlike the op. I wouldn't expect to moan on incessantly (and neither do I) and yes I did choose to have my boys and they are very much wanted and loved.

But I would expect a more sympathetic response to a quiet moan to my sister of all people than 'well you chose to have them'?!!

Message withdrawn

You are playing the I've-got-more-kids-than-you card and it's pissing her off.

I am the youngest of three, and I have 3 children. My sister, the eldest of us 3, always cricitises my mum's behaviour in the past. My Mum DID make mistakes but a lot of what my sister complains about are just what happens when you have three children. My sister has one child: a very over-indulged, spoiled daughter.

I long to say to my sister: Look, when you've got three kids you can't sit and fuss over each one of them's every ache, every pain, every grievance because there are not enough hours in the day.

But if I said that, she'd think I was a bitch claiming that I know more about motherhood than she does because I've got more children.

So I button it. As should you. Then she won't annoy you in reply.

Telling her she is clueless doesn't seem like a very nice thing to say so I can understand if her response is less than sympathetic. I have to say, as a parent of one child, it does get a bit wearing when people with more children tell me that I don't know how easy I've got it and how difficult their lives are and yes, I do have to bite my tongue and not say 'well, no one forced you to have more children..!' I don't think that they should have had an abortion!!

maybe you moan an unreasonable amount and she's sick of it

I did not interpret what she said as you should have had an abortion! more like, its not my fault/problem so stop dumping it on me or they're here now so get on with it or would you rather not have them?
which is harsh but cant say if she's unreasonable or not cause I dont know you or how much you moan to her

Everyone needs a break from the hard work bringing up children involves! Who knows what graft it is before having them?

And children are definitely very surprising in the way they turn out. They're not exactly obedient robots, are they?

Your sister is a bit of a fool TBH. I'd ignore her.