to be feeling all sorry for myself after 15months (and counting) of sleep deprivation

[zulubump]

Oh woe is me. My dd has not ever been a reliable sleeper. I went through a stage of extreme self-pity when she was 5months and all my mates babies started sleeping well and she went from sleeping fairly well to being completely haywire. Then I realised the self-pity wasn't getting me anywhere and have usually managed to cobble together a positive outlook and enjoy life with dd even after some rotten nights (at least I have my health, she has her health, we go out and do fun things and make the most of life together etc etc).

But recently my positive resolve seems to have crumbled. Maybe a combination of post-Christmas blues and December having been particularly bad for sleep (dd teething and full of cold most of the time). Today I just stumbled around the house a bleary-teary-eyed mess thinking to myself, "those mums with babies that sleep well, a curse on your houses" and feeling like I want to shut myself away from the world and sulk. It's not fair why me why me?? Why can't i have a baby that sleeps.

You mums with similarly awkward babies out there. How do you stay positive? Do you indulge in bouts of self-pity now and then?

Riven that's awful. Any idea why your dd doesn't sleep well? I did have a nap today but usually I find it hard to cos the house ends up a tip and I can't relax for thinking about the jobs I should be doing. More often I go to bed really early once dd is asleep in the evening.

YANBU 17 months and counting here.. DS has slept through the night.uuummm five or six times and only has half hour sleeps during the day. I have to try hard not to go on and on about it to anyone who will listen. Im lucky to have a DP who shares the early (5am) starts but it still gets me down and like you I put secret curses on sleepy babies! You have my utmost sympathy.

I've not had a full night's sleep now for about 6years (dd1 is 5.5y and I've had three other babies since then to boot!). We co-sleep (yes, all of us!) and that's how I cope. WHen they've been through phases of sleeping badly, I don't have to wake right up to cope with it - just cuddle them up so they go back to sleep. DD1 and DD2 (nearly 4) now sleep right through and have done for years now. DD3 (just turned 2) usually wakes once for a cuddle but usually goes straight back to sleep once she's snuggled up close to me or DH. DD4 is only 3m but usually only wakes once or twice for a feed - I stir when she starts wriggling, latch her on and we both go back to sleep :-). DD1 and DD2 often start the night in their own room, but make their way into ours at some point. Doesn't bother me...one day I'll look back on this time and feel sad at how quickly it went - anything that gives me extra cuddles with them is good in my eyes! (and also in DH's eyes, thank goodness!)

We are 6 years down the line here-ds hardly needs sleep (Probably on average 8 hours) and on average wakes at least once a night and climbs in with us thus disturbing us.We thought he would get better when he started school,but alas,no,he is the same.

Just chalking it down to him not needing the sleep,but yes,it causes tension and alot of stress.

Thoughts

Ah it's so great to find some people to share a moan with. I don't know nearly enough mums in RL that suffer such sleep deprivation.

Lindenlass I'm impressed at your enthusiasm for more babies! I'd love to have a brother or sister for dd one day but just can't see how I'd put myself through all this again without going crazy!

DD1 now 8, DD3 (youngest) 2.5. Up 4 times last night for various things (bed wetting, Calpol, nightmare, milk). So glad I have never got used to unbroken nights (I think!?!)

Riven, lots of hugs to you for coping with that. Makes me realise I've got it easy really! That's what I needed, a reality check.

Ah, roll on the teen years. Lol at crack of sparrow fart!

I was feeling quite smug in the very early days when DS was a good sleeper. But then he never really got out of those newborn sleep patterns and still wakes several times a night (he is 19 months old now). I sometimes yearn for the day when he sleeps through the whole night, but have come to terms with the fact this will probably be when he is a teenager! When he has slept longer than usual I've gone in to prod him cos I can't believe its happening and ended up waking him up anyway!!

I think I have developed various coping strategies to deal with it - co-sleeping, napping in the day, going to bed early and having DH do the early starts at the weekend etc. Generally I am fine with it and I rarely feel tired even though I am now back at work. I think you just get used to having less sleep after a while.

I also try to take crumbs of comfort from the fact his sleep patterns are definitely maturing over time - he can get himself off to sleep, he (now) has good naps during the day and he doesn't wake for long when he does wake (unless he's poorly). These give me a glimmer of hope to cling onto!

zulubump - I feel your pain. DS2 is nearly 15 months and he's a champion nightwaker. I have LITERALLY tried everything - even drugs, myself and him

I haven't developed any coping strategies and I will be of no help to you. It makes me miserable too, I pity myself, poor DS1 and DP all the time. We are shells of our former selves. I regularly cry/kick inanimate objects/collapse into despondancy - especially at 4am. I'm crap at work, when they really need me to be uncrap. But what can you do? We are at their will and we have to look after them. In my more lucid moments I just think ahead to the time when he's comfortable enough being alive in the world that he doesn't have to check I'm around constantly. Until then I'll just have to quietly go insane, but it's comforting to know I'm not alone.

big sympathy here too. Haven't had an unbroken night in over 5 years as each of them has been horrendous in turn, and ds1 (4) is still shocking.

My best advice is to sod the sleep training manuals, sod the well meaning advice of friends, sod bloody stupid Supernanny.... do whatever gets you through.

In my (considerable) experience, these methods work for some babies and for others they just don't. Generally, they grow out of it. Do whatever gets you all some sleep, because a well rested family has a much better chance of being a happy family. So if that means you take your LO into bed and DH ships out to the spare room, then so be it. If it means napping in the day, so be it. If it means giving them milk at 5am because then they go back off for an hour, do it!

Oh zulubump I am here with you.My dd just turned twenty months and has never slept through the night.We think her new years's resolution is "drink more breastmilk",as indeed it was last year.she is teething and wakes usually twice before I join her in bed and then at least twice again,lately she has been waking three times or more but refusing to be lain down again to sleep "noooooo,more boo mama"shouted at full volume which then can wake dd1.My husband gets up with them in the morning,gives them breakfast and brings me breakfast in bed while he takes them both out to walk the dog.That is the only thing keeping me sane(ish).

Nope not had a full night's sleep now for 5.5 years. DD1 was a terrible sleeper and whilst she now finally sleeps all night. DD2 2.4 wakes aroound 3 times a night. It's like I've had a newborn for 2.4 years. She still wants a bottle of milk on waking which I give to her because I'm just desperate to get back to sleep. I know I'm digging my own hole by continuing to give her a bottle but i can't let her just cry because then she'll wake dd1 up as they share a room.

I feel your pain. The bags under my eyes could carry a month's shopping them.

Oh this isn't going well. Dd has been awake since 1.30am and I'm going insane now. Given her all the teething drugs and she seems comfortable. On HV advice we have been trying to settle her in the cot rather than rock her to sleep as we had been previously. Was going really well the last few nights, but she has just spent the last hour rolling around in her cot playing with the bars and chatting to herself. Something inside me just snapped and when she sat up to look at me and laugh I pushed her back down rather roughly and held her there. Of course that upset her and now she's crying. When dh came in I ended up having a full shouting match with him about the best way to get her back to sleep (helpful). I'm not coping with all this very well any more

I feel your pain! DH is currently rocking 15 month DS who is up for the 4th time so far tonight. Could be teeth, milk, too cold, too hot, who knows! He'll want to get up in a couple of hours too!

Don't worry about a temporary moment of 3am forcefulness, your DD certainly won't be harmed for life! Good luck!

Oh zulubump, we have all been there I am sure - I've lost patience with DS and sworn at him when he has been flipping around, grizzling and sucking for hours on end. Do whatever you need to do to get your DD back to sleep and don't necessarily follow your HV advice if its not working for you. Some babies (like mine) just wouldn't settle themselves in the cot and need a rock or a cuddle to get to sleep while they are still little.

My DS has started screeching when he realises I have left the room. He is getting himself off to sleep but if he realises I have left he screams for me until I go in and tell him I'm there. Two steps forward, one step back!!

Hope tonight is better for you anyway.