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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be nervous about starting to try for another baby?

13 replies

lullaloo · 02/01/2009 19:32

Not sure whther being nervous or selfish is the right words. Have a 1/1/2 year old thinking about number 2 but nervous of so many things.. can i do it? i am still a bit scared of birth(nasty tear) sleepless nights, how it will disrupt DC1?? Anyone else think like me?

OP posts:
QueenFeeUntoUsAChildIsBorn · 02/01/2009 19:40

Sounds like normal worries to me. I have a 2 year gap and it can be difficult but its suprising how they do adjust. I am now expecting no 3 so it cant be that bad. I had a bad tear with both dc's but this tme I am not scared of labour at all!
My DS cried all night for his first 18 months but DD slept through it amazingly.

alicecrail · 02/01/2009 19:45

My dh and i have decided to wait til dd is 3 before we start for another one, which i think is reasonable. But lately i have been getting quite broody and think 3 is too far away, dd is 14months. I did read somewhere that between 18mnths and 21/2 is the worst time because they get jealous because they dont understand that new baby is not replacement. If you are nervous, why not wait 6 months and then you have had a while to get your head around it and be in the right place emotionally/mentally etc.

tvfriend · 02/01/2009 19:54

Don't think about it too much is what I'd say, particularly with the age gap. Took a long time TTC DD- a year and a half- so thought would try again sooner rather than later and it happened straight away so will have an 18 month gap. On the other hand friends who have taken no time at all with No 1 have real problems TTC again. I think there are pros and cons with all age gaps really. Good Luck!

pamelat · 02/01/2009 19:55

DD is 11.5 months, I wanted to wait until she was 18 months but I am not sure I can ...

Go for it.

mummyloveslucy · 02/01/2009 19:56

I feel the same, my daughter is nearly 4 and I had severe Hyperemesis with her. 6 months of being sick every 30 mins is a totally mind altering experience.
I don't know how I'd cope with my daughter if I had it again. It also has a 75% chance of re occuring. I'm not sure what to do either.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 02/01/2009 19:59

I got nervous after I'd concieved (we thought about it for about 5 minutes before however I knew I wanted more with about a 2 year age gap.

It is hard work but things change, what I would have obsessed over with 1 dc I just view with different eyes...

As for sibling rivalry there are 23months between my two and yes there are good days and bad but I believe that is the case with all siblings, dd1 loved dd2 initally had a few funny moments when she was six months and came through them without too much truama...

DC3 is now due when dd2 will be...23months I was close in age to my sisters and I do believe this had some bearing on my decision.

You have to do what is right for you dc1 will adapt children are more adaptable than we often give credit for, as for the tear /labour issues I throughly recomend the hypobirthing cds (was waking then night prior to dd2 with panic attacks) and ended up hving a fab birth!!! Good luck whenever you decide

lalalonglegs · 02/01/2009 20:17

I think at about 14 months (if you are anything like me) you are just getting the hang of having a child - they have become a bit more independent, they can feed themselves, walk about, talk a little and so on so it seems completely mad to have another one and upset the fact that you can now more or less cope. It seems so overwhelming going back to the days of utter helplessness - how I would cope with bathtime became an utter obsession - but there are 27 months between dd1 and ds1 and 23 months between ds and dd2 and, for all my panic, it has worked out (although bathtime can be a trial): they all get on and, for me at least, it has been worth just ploughing ahead with it and, curiously, not getting too comfortable with the status quo.

Tigurr · 03/01/2009 01:04

It's natural to feel nervous. We didn't ttc again until DD was almost 5. I fell pregnant the first month of trying and then fell to pieces mentally - even now (at 19 weeks) I am worried about it all... going back to having a really dependant baby, sleepless nights, labour, birth. It didn't help that I was quite ill for the first couple of months of pregnancy - it really brought me down.

Then I worry that I won't cope with 2 as I sometimes struggle to cope with the 1 we have (and she's a pretty well-behaved child).

But DH assures me I'll be fine... sometimes I believe him, most of the time not though!

Original poster
lullaloo · 03/01/2009 17:06

It sounds as thou my worries are very similar to other, met a friend today who i have not seen for ages and she mentioned about some people expecting their second...... that really got me broody, think i just need to bite the bullet accept that it is going to be hard as lalalonglegs said life is getting to a good routine, sleep the ability to go out once in a while.... Thanks for all your messages good luck tigurr am sure it will be fine.

OP posts:
dizzydixies · 03/01/2009 17:08

I have just under 3yrs between DD1 and DD2 and just over 2yrs between DD2 and DD3

if I'd had my way I would have had the longer gap again, it was just easier - no double buggy/no double nappies different stage car seats etc but it was just the way things worked out and to be honest DD3 has been an easier baby all round!!

good luck with whatever you decide

MumofBaby · 03/01/2009 17:20

Come and join us on TTC. On the 'trying for a baby in 4 months' thread. We're all chatting through our fears and excitement BEFORE we start trying. Your fears are very normal.

MumofBaby · 03/01/2009 17:22

Oops

The trying for a baby in a few months thread

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