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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

and I don't care if you say yes I am pissed off anyway

24 replies

yawningmonster · 02/01/2009 06:34

OK a little background. I am 24 weeks pregnant, it is frigging hot, I have m.e. DS is 4 and is bloody hard work (an assessment coming in late January) Of the 6 weeks that he is home on holiday dh had exactly 4 days off (the stat days) he was also going to be home only 2 weekends. He announced last week that he wanted to go hunting over new years and while I was less than impressed I didn't kick up a fuss. Well on the 31st he got a bee sting (which he is allergic to) He has spent his time since then in bed (admittedly in pain) and has now said that he will have to use one of the other weekends that he was to be home to go hunting.
So now I have had him home being more work than use and will lose his help for another weekend as a bonus.
I am bloody knackered and more than a little peeved. (I know, I know, flame me, he is hurt and I did agree he could have a hunt etc)

OP posts:

Original poster

yawningmonster · 02/01/2009 06:35

that should read that ds is on holidays 6 weeks btw.

OP posts:

NAB3lovelychildren · 02/01/2009 07:26

YANBU

He is a father and that should come before hunting.

Do less for him as you can't possibly manage everything with a child and bump to look after.

Nemoandthefishes · 02/01/2009 07:38

yanbu HE SHOULD BE HELPING OUYT

MerryMadMarg · 02/01/2009 08:11

YANBU at all! Somewhere along the line he seems to have forgotten that he has parental responsibilities as well. It's all well and good for him to plan time off, but when do you get some?

If you're feeling strong enough, you should organise a weekend off for yourself with some friends or something on one of the weekends when your DH is home and leave your DS to him to look after - if nothing else that will teach him just how much work your DS is and how badly you need time off too.

NAB3lovelychildren · 02/01/2009 08:13

No, he shouldn't be helping out they are his kid/s too. He should be doing it as he is their father, not to help mum.

BalloonSlayer · 02/01/2009 08:14

What sort of hunting?

Can you call the police on him, that'd get him home early?

BalloonSlayer · 02/01/2009 08:28

D'oh just realised reading between the lines that you must be in Australia.

Agree YANBU.

SofiaAmes · 02/01/2009 08:43

You are not being unreasonable, but you do need to communicate to him. When he first suggested the hunting trip, you should have made it clear that you are struggling and need more of his help and that hunting perhaps would have to wait. Alternatively, if your dh really isn't going to do his share, then If there is enough extra money for hunting, why don't you spend some on an au pair or house help.

Original poster

yawningmonster · 02/01/2009 09:13

thanks for all the replies. We are in NZ balloonslayer.
Sofia...hunting doesn't actually cost here,other than petrol, dh has the gear etc. He knows that it is a struggle but wants to get as much hunting in as he can before the baby comes. Hunting is his only time out other than work and I think he needs it and is certainly not much company if he hasn't had a break.
TBH I thought most people would say I was being unreasonable. My situation is leagues better than some others and when you think about it I am getting pissy about 2 extra days on my own...not really the end of the world.

OP posts:

LoveMyLapTop · 02/01/2009 09:16

YABU!
When do you get a day off?

Divineintervention · 02/01/2009 09:20

Can I add that he must be an arsehole to go hunting and what did you expect from someone who enjoys this as pastime??

Original poster

yawningmonster · 02/01/2009 09:40

divine.. it may be a cultural difference but here dh hunts both for meat and for irradication of animals which are doing great damage to the environment, introduced pests. I am actually a vegetarian for numerous reasons but my ds eats meat as does dh and I am glad that the meat they eat come from free range, humane sources. DH is a very experienced hunter and very, very little goes to waste. He does enjoy it but that is more to do with the time outside in the bush, the test of his skills and assistance he is giving to the cockies whose farms/land he hunts on.

OP posts:

amess · 02/01/2009 09:45

YANBU!

Original poster

yawningmonster · 02/01/2009 10:01

lovemylaptop during the term time ds has two days a week with a childminder while I work so I do get a break too.

OP posts:

naturalbornmum · 02/01/2009 10:04

Give him a kick up the jaxy immediatley. You are allowing him to behave like an arse - stop it now!!!!!

Divineintervention · 02/01/2009 18:21

'tis cultural arrr (ahe says in her best West country accent!!). All's forgiven tell him to stuck a bullet in his bottom and help out.

noonki · 02/01/2009 18:30

YANBU at all

I have ME and also an allergy to wasps so understand both camps!

And pain or no pain the me is much worse as if you do too much the resulting symptoms are far worse.

Just remind your DP that if you do get really ill that he will have to do a lot more childcare.

You have my sympathies me is just shit.

Thunderduck · 02/01/2009 18:54

YANBU.

However people who hunt are not arseholes Divine.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/01/2009 19:40

think you are mad in allowing him to trade your weekend with you and your 4yr so he can hunt

but thats up to you, you are now earning brownie points in allowing him to do this!!

Original poster

yawningmonster · 06/01/2009 07:59

right well, he is off on the hunt this coming weekend (10th and 11th) What shall I do with ds? Would like to do something nice but not too expensive.
We have a forest close so could go for a walk(me)bike ride(ds). There are cheap miniture trains on sunday so could also do that. If raining I am a bit stuck though thought I could do a movie day, make tickets and food counter and hire out some dvds? Any other ideas. I can't walk around too much as my ankles and feet swell in the heat (am pregnant) Haven't much money at the moment so can't be too expensive. Have already done
Beach, park, swimming, picnics, playdough, painting/drawing, baking, craft, hide and seek, board games etc to death these holidays.

OP posts:

Salem1 · 13/01/2009 13:56

Women are hardly ever unreasonable when it comes to sharing work. Men have lopsided brains which makes them slightly uncaring (a man told me that).

Everytime my dh is being unreasonable I just tell him that he will have to look after himself for now as I have to take care of my own needs as well. He soon comes around and understands the consequences that will have and the benefits of being reasonable will have.

Stefka · 13/01/2009 14:22

You should come first. YANBU.

BennyAndJoon · 13/01/2009 14:28

You are pregnant, so I don't think it is possible for you to be unreasonable!

Tamarto · 13/01/2009 14:29

Sorry did i read that right

"during the term time ds has two days a week with a childminder while I work so I do get a break too"

So he has a break every day he's at work, he has no need for the hunting trip break.

Or is it a break for you to work, but not him?

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