What would you do? Family problem

[chuckieegg2008]

ok dont really know where to start because this is such a long story but i will try and cut it down.

My parents divorced 7 years ago when i was 16 and since then i have hardly had any contact with my dad. Four years ago i moved away with my mum and as soon as i moved away my dad started getting in contact with my brother (he didnt move away). I feel like he was just waiting for me to leave.

The only contact i have with him now is a phone call on my birthday and at xmas but thats all changed now because this year there was no phone call. It upsets me so much because he does alot now with my brother and his wife, i feel like hes ashamed of me or something beause he doesnt want anything to do with me.

Sorry if this sounds like a really pathetic problem but its really upsetting me and i feel useless and unwanted.

Could it be that your dad just has difficulty with contact in the presence of your mother? You are with mum and your brother is not, is that right?

Even if this is not the explanation, you must not put it down to some fault in yourself. All these probs are bound to have lowered your self-esteem and you are therefore likely to put a self-hurting interpretation on your dad's behaviour. In all probability the explanation for his behaviour is something else entirely.

Is there any chance you could talk to him about it?

it doesnt sounds pathetic, its only natural that you are hurt. I'm sorry i don't have any good advice but some others will come along soon...

Could you not write to him and tell him how you feel.
Also, do you want contact with him? Do you want a relationship with him and how did you get on with him prior to the move?

I don't know what you should do but just wanted to say there's nothing pathetic about feeling upset about being treated like that by your father.

Does he believe you favoured your mother in the split and maybe wouldn't welcome his advances? Or have you made any effort to open communication the other way?

he gets on ok with my mum the break up was not that bad when he does phone he will talk to my mum no problem sometimes he'll say more to her than me

OK, so you're 23 now. How much effort do you put into contacting him? Did you try to ring him on Christmas day?

He might just find it easier with your brother simply because it's another guy. Probably has no idea what to do with a daughter.

(Course he could be a complete numpty, too, but not enough info in your post to judge!!!)

yeah i have tried making contact with him, i sent him a card at xmas i cant phone him i dont have his number when he does phone me its from a payphone