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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be totally f'd off with my mates and their kids who came to our party and trashed our house?

27 replies

OneLieIn · 31/12/2008 10:31

The kids were all running around like loons, mostly aged 5 - 8 and this ended up in door handles ripped off, toilet seat broken, door locks broken, pictures off walls and lots of other smaller damage. The thing is no-one has said 'Oh sorry, little Johnny pulled a door handle off' or whatever

I really want to say something as I just think it is out of order or should I shut up and just think hey that happens at parties (although it has never happened at any other party)?

You're a wise lot. DH thinks i should just shut up.

OP posts:

Divineintervention · 31/12/2008 10:32

I think you could, without accusing, say how deeply upset and disappointed you are that your house got so wrecked.

compo · 31/12/2008 10:33

maybe the guests don't know if it was their kids or yours?!

tatt · 31/12/2008 10:35

sorry - but why did you let them? After the first bit of damage you could have asked them all to leave. Pictures off walls would be unreasonable, broken things should mean some form of discipline from the parents - like taking them away or making them sit still.

BrieVinDeAlkaSeltzer · 31/12/2008 10:36

I would say nothing, and ensure you never invite them again.

compo · 31/12/2008 10:36

were all the adults downstairs getting pished?

compo · 31/12/2008 10:36

or go round to theirs and make sure yoyr kids do the same to their house

Original poster

OneLieIn · 31/12/2008 10:38

tatt, this mainly went on upstairs, i was downstairs, sorting out food, drinks etc.

I have totally bollocked my DCs, the worst ever. They don't know who did it, but they have told me who they think did it. I don't want to accuse anyone - but I just want my mates to know.

If it was me, i think i would want to know that this had happened to a mate's house and my kids were possibly involved.

OP posts:

paddingtonbear1 · 31/12/2008 10:38

how many kids were there?
we regularly have get togethers with friends and their kids but so far (crosses fingers for party tonight) nothing has been broken. My friends would be mortified if it did and we knew one of them/their kids was responsible.
do you see your mates often?

Original poster

OneLieIn · 31/12/2008 10:38

compo, you are sooooooo right

OP posts:

Original poster

OneLieIn · 31/12/2008 10:39

paddington, probably about 15 kids between 5 - 8

OP posts:

paddingtonbear1 · 31/12/2008 10:43

for our party tonight, I've put away any fragile toys/ones with small parts - not because I think they'll get broken or lost on purpose, but just in case (and we need more space)!
I'm not expecting any broken door handles though. I don't think I'd be inviting these mates again if I were you...

juuule · 31/12/2008 10:44

15 children aged between 5-8? Was nobody supervising them? Or at least regularly checking on them.

compo · 31/12/2008 10:45

lol

SmilleysPeople · 31/12/2008 10:45

We had a christmas 'drinks' party for friends and their children, we thought they'd be here for a couple of hours, they all stayed till 2pm. The next day the house was wreck, the kids had got out every single toy and I spent all day sorting out geomag/lego/soldiers/pokemon/castle bits and bits were all over the house. There was also chocoalte trodden into the upstairs carpets.

BUT to be fair to the children and my mates, I did make very alcoholic cocktails which I plied evryone with (the adults) early on, and consequnetly we (the adults) were having a whale of a time and didn't even notice the kids unless they came down to report an injury.(which was rare).

So, a good time was had by all but the house was wrecked.

Can you have it both ways??

I'm never doing it again though, I should add.

compo · 31/12/2008 10:45

hope you haven't got a hangover with all that clearing up to do

paddingtonbear1 · 31/12/2008 10:45

15, gosh I've never had more than 6 in my house at once! And they got every toy out in the place. Nothing got broken though and my friends helped tidy up...

prettybutterfly · 31/12/2008 10:46

Sounds like mass hysteria.

I'd let it lie this time but organise differently next time.

If you are doing food and drink you need other adults to monitor other rooms, and this needs discussing beforehand. Not in a heavy-handed, party-pooping kind of way ... just appoint a few allies to watch various rooms or groups of kids. Once you've given them the responsibility I think they will take it a bit more seriously.

I'd honestly just chalk it up to experience.

piscesmoon · 31/12/2008 10:46

I think that now it is done you just have to let it go. In future, with that number, you have to have set ideas on what they are going to do and lay down the rules and expectations very firmly at the start.

3littlefrogs · 31/12/2008 10:47

A group that size, of that age would need constant supervision by a responsible adult. You wouldn't have a children's party and just leave them to it. So you may just have to put it down to experience.

How well do you know the parents - are they long term good friends? If so, you might be able to bring the subject up, but it is a difficult one.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 31/12/2008 10:48

Oh God- I am expecting to have about 11 such children over today for dd1's birthday. They are friends' children, but every time they come over they seem to just trash stuff- the girls play house thing has been turned upside down and broken, shelves and drawers emptied...I have asked dd1 (who is far too responsible for her 5 yrs!) to alert me to any "trashing" behaviour from the boys, so I can nip it in the bud!

I probably wouldn't (haven't in the past) say anything, tbh, but then I am a coward I can't understand why some kids behave like this. Sometimes now I insist they stay downstairs in the playroom, where I can keep an eye on them

piscesmoon · 31/12/2008 10:56

I think with a large number you have to put an adult or a teenager in charge, it might even be worth paying a teenager to keep them occupied. It isn't fair to place the responsibility on your own DC if they are the same age or your DC is young. You can't just leave them alone and hope for the best.

Original poster

OneLieIn · 31/12/2008 10:59

I think I will just mention it in a light way, like good party, but the house got trashed. Thinking about it, there were probably 6 or 7 boys and 5 or 6 girls- not that that makes any difference really. I did go upstairs and get the girls to sort out one room they trashed. I also flipped out when they were in the utility tipping clean laundry into dirty!

NEVER AGAIN!

OP posts:

Carmenere · 31/12/2008 11:00

The only reasonable thing to do is to say nothing and then at a future date, when next discussing a party with your friends announce loudly that you won't be having another one ever as your house got trashed last time.

LucyEllensmummy · 31/12/2008 11:09

Blimey - what family did you have at your party, the Osbournes?? A bit of mess is a given, but damage!!! oh no - i would be well fucked off

LucyEllensmummy · 31/12/2008 11:12

I had to laugh at your last post OP - you report, trashed pictures, broken door handles, but what flipped you out was them rearranging your laundry

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