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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go on holiday with the INLAWS!!!!!

25 replies

Cheekster · 31/12/2008 01:30

It's not quite as simple as that.

Yesterday we got a phone call from father in law asking if DH, me and DS(5months) would like to go to centerparcs with them some time beg of next year.

Thing is, we have already booked to go to centerparcs in Feb with friends. We have also booked to go on a summer holiday abroad in August. We cannot afford three holidays, plus it would seem silly going to centerparcs twice in a couple of months.

BUT - the thing is mother in law has lung cancer and is quite ill. DH feels really guilty if we dont go - and to be honest the inlaws arent being very understanding and are expecting us to go even considering circumstances.

DH says that we should use our savings and go with them as it will perk his mums spirits (she is suffering from depression too) I feel really sorry for DH but I really dont want to go!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Quadrophenia · 31/12/2008 01:33

I don't think you are being unreasonable and i undertsand why you don't want to go, i probably would though.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 31/12/2008 01:35

How long are they expecting you to go for? Could you compromise and make it a long weekend? can totally understand you not wanting to go- it's a lot of money you don't need to spend. Is there any chance they could even change the location?

MintChocAddict · 31/12/2008 01:37

Think you are being a bit unreasonable. I would have said not but for MILs illness. .
If it means a lot to DH to spend some time with his mum then I think under these circumstances you should go the extra mile. Chances are you can go to Centerparcs with friends any year.
Sorry if not what you want to hear.

ninedragons · 31/12/2008 01:40

I was going to say you were not being unreasonable, but given your MIL's illness I do think you should go and allow her to spend some time with her son and her grandchild. If they've specified the beginning of the year rather than waiting for summer, perhaps she has been given a fairly pessimistic prognosis.

treedelivery · 31/12/2008 01:52

Go - it's probably the right thing to do, given the info in your post, imo

They might not have thought of the money - or they might not think it really matters, as dealing with life threatening illness tends to make people think 'sod it' about money and bills etc. It's still huge to you of course but this might be one of those times to bite lip and smile.

Original poster
Cheekster · 31/12/2008 01:57

Sh*t - youre all right - I knew I was BU but I just hoped I wasnt cos really dont want to go - which I know is bad!

Thankfully Mum In Law hasnt been given a pessimisitic prognosis, she had a lobectomy a month back and hopefully all the cancer has been removed so that isnt the reason why they want to go so early. But she is still ill after the surgery and has had a hard year as you can imagine.

I think main reason why I dont want to go (after money worries of course) is as lovely as they are, theyre the kind of inlaws that question your parenting skills and tell you better ways of doing things
With everything being the way it is I have had to bight my tongue so many times - dont know if I can last 5 days though.

OP posts:
ninedragons · 31/12/2008 02:03

Yeah, annoying I know but I think you probably just have to suck it up. For your husband's sake as much as for your MIL's sake, really.

You really have to imagine how you'd feel if thirty years hence you had undergone cancer treatment and your DIL wouldn't let your son and grandchild go on holiday with you.

Original poster
Cheekster · 31/12/2008 02:05

Right, lets get onto that centerparcs website and try and get the best deal I can then!

I will paint a smile on for the whole week!

OP posts:
ninedragons · 31/12/2008 02:08

Good for you!

Honestly, you will get some excellent karma out of this. Just don't even hint to your DH that you feel like a bit of a martyr to be doing it.

LadyOfWaffle · 31/12/2008 02:09

You know deep down it's the 'right' thing. Just try and enjoy it x

treedelivery · 31/12/2008 02:21

Think of the karma!! And get selling anything you can to book yourself some....er...time consuming beauty treatments!!!

Maybe volunteer to do the cooking and cleaning and be house keeper, and spend your days rustling up cakes and lovely things while they all go for nice loooooooong walks.

LoveBeingAMummyKissingSanta · 31/12/2008 07:00

I think that's the right thing to do. Plus you and DP might get a bit of time together the inlaws would probably love to show off their grandbaby!

FourArms · 31/12/2008 07:07

Will you be sharing a cabin (or whatever they're called?)

Original poster
Cheekster · 31/12/2008 10:59

Well thats the thing!

The sensible thing to do money wise is to share a cabin - but I really think that itll be tooooooooooooooo much.

So I was going to suggest having different villas due to DS still waking in night and being a very light sleeper. Also probably best for MIL to have a villa adapted for the disabled so she can access toilet and shower easier.

Do you rhink thats a good enough excuse?

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 31/12/2008 11:05

I think that is a good compromise, if she is ill she would probably appreciate some peace and quiet. I am sure that you are doing the right thing by going.

MerryMadMarg · 31/12/2008 17:00

5 days isn't too long, so good on you for going. But DON'T share a cabin. That will be just too much.

If she's been so ill recently, she will need rest, so that's a great excuse for not sharing, as your DS will not let her rest as much as she needs.

CarGirl · 31/12/2008 17:03

Can you not book them in the same week in Feb you are already going?

KingHerodNametaken · 31/12/2008 17:05

Has the organising of the holiday been left to you Cheekster? That in itself is unreasonable.

hatwoman · 31/12/2008 17:12

I agree that going is the right thing - but seeing as you're already booked to go with friends is there any chance of suggesting an alternative venue?

ladyjuliafish · 31/12/2008 17:19

Do you live close enough to just visit for the day. We went recently when my sis was staying there and you could go from 10am to midnight I think. We didn't have to pay for the younger dcs either.

naturalbornmum · 31/12/2008 17:56

YABU - a bit considering his mum is that ill. Just go.

bekkaboo · 31/12/2008 18:06

Id say we would love to come but have no money as already booked 2 hols, if you want to pay for us geat if not then sorry

Original poster
Cheekster · 01/01/2009 16:07

Thanks, for all those comments.

Yeah I have been left with all the organising because 'Ive done it before and I know what Im doing'

Ive already asked if they can come with us in february instead - but they say no becuase the centerparcs venue we are going to is too far (2 hours drive) - they want to go to one closer (40 mins). Also asked if we could go somewhere different as we dont want to go to the centerparcs twice in a year and they say no to that too. Thats the thing thats bothering me really - its their way or no way!

I like that suggestion ladyjuliafish - might have to suggest that idea to DH. It really would help as DH is self employed too - we really cant afford it!

I have been checking out prices and it is so expensive! Im having second thoughts about going now.

OP posts:
mumto2andnomore · 01/01/2009 16:26

Have you tried the codes FAMILY or CPWEB to make it a bit cheaper ? Wont work for all dates but worth a try.

Original poster
Cheekster · 01/01/2009 16:36

Thanks - I will try those out!

OP posts:
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