to be feeling like this towards my parents...long....

[muffins]

I'm 24 a single mum living back at home with my parents. Had tried renting for 6 months when DS was 10 weeks old but couldn't afford it on my own, don't qualify for housing benefit, can't move out til pay off car loan in 2 years time. Give parents £450 a month board.
I work 4 days a week in the NHS, DS goes to nursery.
So basically things have been getting really strained at home, feel like my parents treat me like a child and I'm not allowed to parent my DS the way I see fit. DS has been unsettled going to sleep since we moved house in July (he's 17 mo btw) and a couple of weeks back had a couple of nights where he just wasn't tired at 7 o'clock (my mum believes he should sleep 7-7 beacuse 'that's what babies do') and was running round playing at half 8/9. So I come home from work the next day and my mum announces we are ruining their lives, they had to endure DS misbehaving night before etc etc and he now has to go into his bedroom at 7 and that's that. Cot gone. TV/DVD set up in bedroom so he can watch TV when he gets in bed!!!!!!!!!! (That one really peed me off)DS used to sleep happy in his cot when I was renting but mym mum never allowed him to even grizzle when me moved back home, unless she was in a mood where she wanted to leave him. Sometimes I'd leave him to moan in his cot and they'd go in and get him out. 'No point letting him cry' my mum would say.
Obviously I understand it is a burden having us live with them but AIBU to feel like my mum is also being unreasonable?!
My mum is very much her opinion is correct and that's that. There is only one way to do things-her way. She even 'told me off' for microwaving something in the 'wrong' container the other day. Both perfectly suitable but not the one she wanted used. Washing up must be done before you've finished chewing your last mouthful. And that is only just an exaggeration. She tells me I need to wipe his nose. She talks to DS saying things aimed at me, can't even think of an example but I'm sure you'll get the idea. Is this what mothers are usually like with grandchildren anyway it's just a bit hellish as we're living together. Help!!!!!

whereabouts do you live?
I'm sure £450 would get you somewhere to rent if you don't live in London

West Sussex. When I was living in Hampshire 2 bed flat was £595 but obviously then bills on top. Sums just don't add up whilst I have car loan and bank loan to pay off...

im think maybe your meqw year resolution should be to talk to housing officer and see what your choices are with getting your own place

maybe cut working hours and get all benefits aimed for single parents to enable this or see if working tax and housing benefit can do anything to help

there should be an option out there to suit you it sounds like your mum wants and needs her own space it doesnt mean she doeasnt love you both but obviously is finding it stressful in a time where she thought she would have peace

if she is the sort of person you can talk with tell her how you feel

if not in the new yearmake it your plan to seek out all the help that could help you move out

good luck

could you get one bed flat and have sofa bed in living room until money permits you to rent larger im sure if you speak to local housing assosiations or council and apply for housing benefit there will be an option there for you to move out

My heart goes out to you because I couldn't have managed to live with my mother when I had children. And now that my dd is an adult I find it hard to let her do things her way around me, so I see your mom's point of view too. It's her house and her kitchen.

I don't know is there any help you could get to move out, but if you are stuck, could you make your bedroom into a sitting room too for you and your ds. Then have more private time with him, especially in the evenings when you don't want him to go to bed, but they don't want him around.

Maybe if you sat down with your parents and went through the problem areas you have, you could come to some compromise on things. It's not an easy situation but if you could assert yourself more you may feel you have more control of your life.

Look for a large room in a shared house? If your parents are keen for you to leave would they help you by giving you a loan to pay off your other debts so you can move out?

Im in West Sussex and it is expensive. Are you not eligable to apply for a council house or housing asscoication? £450 would more than cover then rent on a 2 bed flat (im in one and its cheaper than that)

I know what you mean though my mum lived with us for the fist 2 yrs of ds's life and likes to tell people she 'practicaly raised him' which is crap.
She would also give him things even when we had said no.

If your near me and want a mum friend to chat to, give you a break let me know.

Hate to say it but talk to your mum and get her to throw you out or atleast write a letter to the council saying she is doing that. You will be put in temporary accomodation which can be a hotel room or if you are lucky a small flat.

I could not move back in with my mother no matter what for all the reasons you describe so I sympathize with you greatly.

Good luck with it all.

I have thought about one bed place and sofa bed in living room. Have also decided to go see housing officer to discuss options. When I did this in the past though they basically said my only real option was to rent privately and claim housing benefit, but that I earn too much to qualify for any housing benefit. If I didn;t have a car loan and bank loan to pay off I'd be ok. I am working a day less now though so maybe housing benefit situation is different, but then I'm on a days less salary a week so....
Do get childcare element of tax credit for DS nursery fees.
Think I need to find a man, might solve some of my problem
Thank you CharleeinChains-where do you live? I'm in Selsey at the mo.
DoNotTellDH-I had considered asking for loan to pay off car loan-not sure how to ask really. They've bailed me out in the past and I kind of feel like I want to dig my own way out of this one so I feel like I did it myself if that makes any sense whatsoever.
PotOfTea you sound so sensible and rational nothing like the loon I am turning into That is exactly what I've been doing though, We read a few books watch a bit of TV and then I turn it off when it's bedtime.

Have you tried advertising for a flat share? Maybe there's another single mum out there with a young child that can't afford to live on her own at the moment either.

You can get a 2/3 bedroom place for about £600 - £700, which you could easily afford to pay half of, leaving room for the bills.

That's a good idea MMM, in a local paper or something?

Local paper is good, maybe contact some single parent support groups.

There are a few flat share websites, which are fairly inexpensive to register with. You can do searches without registering, but they won't give you more than some info on whether flats are available in the area you are looking at.

Google 'flatshare' and you will find some, (the paid ones are on the right, and are actually the best ones to try).

Muffins - If you work in the nhs, you should qualify for shared ownership as an "essential worker". I dont know if it compares favourably to privately renting in your financial position, but it would be worth checking out.

I live with my mum, because like you, i couldn't afford to live on my own. My DD is 3yrs 8mths, i'm not top priority on council waiting list - and can't afford to rent esp in current climate. I am in a strong relationship, and we spend alot of our time over at my DP house. However, we still 'live at home' its very challenging at times, as things have to go a certain way, but mum always pick DD up from pre school when i'm at work or college late. There are days when i want to collect our stuff together and leave, but i wouldn't be where i am if it wasn't for my parents. so i just grin and bear it. My mother is going throught the change of life so things get difficult, its like stepping on egg shells with her, but i know in a way thats not her fault and when DD does scream, you can see her blood boiling but like she says shes brought up her children and expects me to keep DD inline and not let her go off on one. My mum can be a big disiplinarian with DD if needs be but lets me get on with it otherwise.

I live with my mum, because like you, i couldn't afford to live on my own. My DD is 3yrs 8mths, i'm not top priority on council waiting list - and can't afford to rent esp in current climate. I am in a strong relationship, and we spend alot of our time over at my DP house. However, we still 'live at home' its very challenging at times, as things have to go a certain way, but mum always pick DD up from pre school when i'm at work or college late. There are days when i want to collect our stuff together and leave, but i wouldn't be where i am if it wasn't for my parents. so i just grin and bear it. My mother is going throught the change of life so things get difficult, its like stepping on egg shells with her, but i know in a way thats not her fault and when DD does scream, you can see her blood boiling but like she says shes brought up her children and expects me to keep DD inline and not let her go off on one. My mum can be a big disiplinarian with DD if needs be but lets me get on with it otherwise.

I live with my mum, because like you, i couldn't afford to live on my own. My DD is 3yrs 8mths, i'm not top priority on council waiting list - and can't afford to rent esp in current climate. I am in a strong relationship, and we spend alot of our time over at my DP house. However, we still 'live at home' its very challenging at times, as things have to go a certain way, but mum always pick DD up from pre school when i'm at work or college late. There are days when i want to collect our stuff together and leave, but i wouldn't be where i am if it wasn't for my parents. so i just grin and bear it. My mother is going throught the change of life so things get difficult, its like stepping on egg shells with her, but i know in a way thats not her fault and when DD does scream, you can see her blood boiling but like she says shes brought up her children and expects me to keep DD inline and not let her go off on one. My mum can be a big disiplinarian with DD if needs be but lets me get on with it otherwise.

sorry about triple posts comp went haywire!

I sympathise with you i do.

My mum has been through the menopause too-I wonder if that has something to do with it as well!

Muffins im in Chichester.

Muffins i'm in Havant!

Muffins, sounds really tough. It's really hurtful to be made to feel burdensome all the time and you have my sympathy.

The excellent advice is not improvable on at all so I'm just butting in to say chin up! and definitely ask your parents for help to get you moving on. A heart-to-heart with your mum is in order where you totally understand her feelings but tell her how it affects you every day. You need to move on for everyone's sake, but may need her help to do it.

I would echo the idea of looking at renting a room in a house, or trying for a one-bed place.

It sounds ghastly being at home- but tbh I can see both sides because I'm sure that if I one day have grandchildren, although I'm sure I'll love them dearly, I'm equally sure I won't want them living under my roof!! Your mum has done her 'baby days' and I'm sure her need for her space is as great as yours.

Good luck

muppets and charlee we should meet up!