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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be offended that apparently people think I'll be "in anyway", just because I don't have a car?!

16 replies

onthepier · 29/12/2008 19:23

Basically I've made arrangements a few times over the last year with a friend of mine, to meet up with our dc's, they're all similar ages. Sometimes it's been my suggestion and sometimes her's. However, the last few times, including last week when the meet-up was supposed to be at my house, she hasn't been in or turned up at mine, + I couldn't get hold of her.

I mentioned this to a mutual friend. She said this other friend has actually said to her that if she's due round at mine and something comes up/she can't make it, I'm one person she doesn't feel she needs to let know because "as a non-driver, I'm surely going to be at home anyway so her not showing up wouldn't stop me doing anything else!" They were her words!

Well, last week for example I was taking my son to a playcentre party, had shopping to do in town + was meeting a colleague for coffee afterwards with both of our children. I had to cut all of this short, rush home to tidy up because I had this friend + her dc's coming, only for there to be no sign of her and she wasn't answering her mobile or home phone. My dd in particular was upset as she was looking forward to seeing her friend and I ended up wasting most of a day.

I'm fuming now after being told what she says about me, AIBU to phone + have it out with her? I hate confrontations but this may have to be done, it's not the first time it's happened as I said before!

OP posts:
trumpetgirl · 29/12/2008 19:33

I would definitely be annoyed. Daft cow! Not having a car means that you're out of the house even longer because it takes half of the day to get anywhere! I can't believe she thinks she can justify that to herself. It's just plain rude.
I would phone up very calmly and explain to her that it would be nice if she could let you know if she isn't going to bother turning up as you have better things to do with your life than hang around waiting for her.
I would be absolutely seeting if that happened to me.

Gavlaar · 29/12/2008 19:42

Eh? Has she never heard of public transport? Or even walking!? Weird!

dilemma456 · 29/12/2008 20:08

Message withdrawn

LovelySongBirdSeed · 29/12/2008 20:11

yanu at all
i also know someone like thst

MrsMagooo · 29/12/2008 20:14

YANBU at all!

That would infuriate me

I'm also a non driver but I'm always out & about with the DC!!

onthepier · 29/12/2008 20:22

Thanks for your responses, I'm going to phone her tomorrow, I need to get this off my chest now as I feel she's been walking all over me!

Obviously she drives, but she has the attitude that if something's wrong with the car she doesn't go out again until it's fixed. She even drives to the local shops which are less than 5 mins walk away!

OP posts:
MrsMagooo · 29/12/2008 20:23

Bet her Carbon Footprint is through the roof

pippylongstockings · 29/12/2008 20:34

My sister is very like this.... I can drive but we only have one car therefore I walk or take the bus (mostly walk) but she is amazed I am out.

She will ring to say she is coming over in the morning so I take my DS1 to school and rush back so I will be in for her - she turns up at 11.30 and is suprised I'm just going out to pick my DS1 up from pre-school as it's about a 15 min walk each way......

Drives me mad - just because she lives in themiddle of no-where therefor has to drive everywhere.

randomxmas · 29/12/2008 20:35

How rude - would just not bother to invite again.

starbear · 29/12/2008 20:46

What a odd woman. Does she have all her DC in pushchairs even though they can walk. I feel sorry for her children to be trapped in a car and only taken out if the car is available. I insisted we have one car. I like walking and taking Ds on the train. The car is useful but only used when needed. One Bank holiday DH insisted we took the car to the park. The nearest place we could park was back at home! Did that put me off No I took the bus!

mousymum · 29/12/2008 22:22

I have a car now but have this attitude because I'm a sahm.I have a dog to walk,shopping to do,errands to run,but if I'm not in;I get surprise comments often from my mum,as if I'm supposed to be permanently in the kitchen.My brother and sister-in-law have kept us waiting for them all afternoon and then cancelled after we have been waiting in for hours.The solution is don't wait in.Be out and go out when u like and tell this person you might or might not be in.

starbear · 30/12/2008 16:10

Good point Mousymum, My Mum's retired now, has foot & joint pain, walks very slowly and you would think I could pop around any time. Oh no I phone her to check she's in before leaving. Then, I'm on time because if I'm late she thinks emm! I've got time to pop out before she comes over and get ice cream or something. She can be gone for over an hour with me waiting for her. I don't risk it.

MerryMadMarg · 30/12/2008 16:34

What you need to do is become a bit difficult to pin down for the next few trips. Um and Ah about your next get together, citing the many commitments on your time as the problem with setting a date/time.

onthepier · 30/12/2008 19:18

Thanks everybody, I spoke to her today + she completely denied letting me down! It was "Oh, didn't you get my text or my message I left at your work the day before?"

Well I know she's lying + she knows I know it! My dh bumped into her in town this lunchtime + she looked very sheepish he said, + didn't want to chat!!

OP posts:
Podrick · 30/12/2008 19:22

just an excuse for her poor behaviour - if i were you I would not make any further arrangements to meet up.

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 30/12/2008 19:26

YANBU.

I'm also a non-driver - my BF always gives me a 10 minute head start if we go for coffee at Morrisons after we've dropped the kids at school - as she drives and I have to walk and she knows it'll take me longer to get there.

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